


Live By The Sword

by girlycards



Series: The Arcana: The Knight & The Night [1]
Category: Hellsing
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Blasphemy, Captivity, Eventual Smut, F/F, Flashbacks, Gen, Gonzo-inspired, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Master & Servant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shapeshifter, Slow Burn, author describes cars like my immortal describes clothing, author's shameless self-projecting, dracula references, experimental story telling format, inconsistent characterization, integra's vampire-phobia, this story has been a JOURNEY, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-23 01:03:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 50,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23003272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlycards/pseuds/girlycards
Summary: “Do not apologize for your choices. You made your choices, Miss Victoria. It is the Protestant Bible that says, ‘for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.’”After over a year of trying to gain Integra’s implicit trust without Alucard to mediate, Seras and Integra embark on what should be a simple mission to deal with another Alucard-copycat hoax. The mission becomes more than either of them bargained for, Integra must deal with the Hellsing family doctrine and her distrust of all the supernatural in order to defeat a shapeshifter before they can begin a legacy that should have ended over a hundred years ago.
Relationships: Integra Hellsing/Seras Victoria
Series: The Arcana: The Knight & The Night [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677232
Comments: 23
Kudos: 37





	1. Try Not To Feel The Cold

**Author's Note:**

> The Suit of Swords Tarot card meanings are associated with action, change, force, power, oppression, ambition, courage and conflict. Action can be constructive and/or destructive. The negative aspects of the Suit of Swords include anger, guilt, harsh judgement, a lack of compassion and verbal and mental abuse. [source](https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-swords/)  
> A personal note before we get into this beefy author's note: I would like to apologize for deleting this fic 3 months ago. I tend to forget that posting WIPs tends to give me a lot of stress). Thank you to anyone left kudos the first time, and I'm so proud of it now and hope you enjoy it writing it as much I did writing it.  
> This work is my first time trying this particular storytelling technique (main plot chronologically+flashbacks, and a bit inspired by Dracula’s format with letters/journal/entries being added).  
> There are some tie-ins of characters from Gonzoverse, and some characters/scenes inspired by Gonzoverse (also, I found Integra’s treatment of Seras in gonzo versus the OVAs very interesting and I wanted to explore both in the fic and I hope I succeeded in pulling the two together! I could write a whole essay on why Integra seems to really believe ALL vampires don’t exist outside of Alucard, and seems to swing between seeing Seras as human and as a monster. And what she would do without Alucard as a constant mediator. However this author’s note is already the length of an essay so I will restrain myself), however, it is intended to be set a year or so after Alucard’s disappearance in Hellsing Ultimate! I am ignoring Alucard’s return as it is shown in the OVAs as well. Also, in this verse I’m putting a lot of gray area on master/servant relationships of vampires (AKA I’m bullshitting some lore).  
> TWs/CWs: If you were triggered by any of the content in the original Hellsing TV Series or Hellsing Ultimate you will probably be triggered by this. There is some extensive misuse of parts of the Catholic Mass/Blasphemy, graphic descriptions of violence/captivity, abusive behavior, internalized homophobia, and flashbacks/PTSD symptoms (all of which is included in the tags).  
> 

_I knock the ice from my bones_

_Try not to feel the cold_

_Caught in the thought of that time_

_When everything was fine, everything was mine_

_All The King’s Horses - Karmina_

“Yes. I see. You drank from Mr. Bernadotte, didn’t you? You’ve finally become a vampire.”

“Yes. I have.”

## 29 September 1999 - Hellsing Mansion

Integra stood in front of the mansion, or what was left after Millennium's razing of her estate. Although the property was no longer consumed by blazing flames, it reflected the state of the rest of London. Blood-stained and covered in ashes. The air was still thick with smoke, and not the enjoyable kind. Her eye still ached, although the bullet had been removed by one of the first responders, and been covered in gauze. She resisted the urge to touch it.

Not even twelve hours ago had the sun rose, and Alucard disappeared. And now the sun was setting, filling the sky with another bath of red. Red like Alucard’s jacket. Red like the blood that had been shed. Red like the flames that consumed all of London.

Seras was somewhere among the carnage, trying to find somewhere safe for Integra. And returning the brick bearing Alucard’s seal to his coffin, which was definitely still safe given how deep in the sublevels it was, if Seras could reach it. She gripped the hilt of her broken rapier where it rested in its sheath, waiting for the vampire to return to her.

And she did, running up beside Integra. She was still cloaked in her shadows which remained strong from her recent consumption of the french mercenary. “I put master’s seal in the basement as you requested. There are rooms in the basement that are relatively undamaged. I’m sorry... I couldn’t protect the mansion,” she looked at the ground. It was uncomfortable now, without her master, to face Sir Integra. She had failed her mission and her master. Alucard was missing and Sir Integra was injured. The two Wild Geese who had survived were still staying with the wounded and assisting in the gathering of survivors. Had Sir Integra not requested her, she would have preferred to stay with them.

“Thank you, officer Victoria,” Integra said, trying to maintain her sense of pride. She stepped down from the block of concrete she had perched herself on to walk towards the mansion, “Lead the way.”

Seras didn’t reply, taking careful steps on the once-pristine lawns that were now almost completely destroyed from not only the exploding airship but gunfire and landmines. Integra followed, not breaking the silence.

They came to what had once been the door, now laid across the ground, and Seras stepped across it into the building. Integra could see the full damage of the inside of her mansion. The dead bodies. The partially destroyed ghouls. The blood that stained the walls. She tried not to cringe, lighting herself a cigar. She noticed she was nearly out, and there was likely no way to obtain more. In better circumstances, she could just retrieve some from her nightstand. Seras was leading the way until they reached one of the doors (or lack thereof) to the basement. The door was still there, technically, but forced open.

Seras started down the stairs and realized after a moment Integra would not be able to see when Integra stood at the top of the stairs. “Ah… let me find a light,” she said, descending all the way into the darkness. She returned with a flashlight after a few moments, holding it out for Integra who had finished her cigar.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, starting back down the stairs, Integra following with a flick of the flashlight. While not particularly bright, it was sufficient. At the bottom of the stairs, the lack of carnage was almost a relief. There was still the scent of death, and what was possibly a dead ghoul near the landing, but it appeared the invasion had not destroyed the sublevels.

“The bedrooms down the hall?” Integra asked, referring to the few bedrooms on the level, one of which had been converted for Seras’s use.

“Yes, sir,” Seras said, bowing slightly. The movement was forced and uncomfortable.

Integra nodded, shining the flashlight down the hall, “That will work. You don’t need to bow, Seras.”

Seras let out a soft sigh, following Integra now. Her room was nearby anyway. Integra opened the door to the dust-covered, but undamaged room.

“Can you stay?”

“Hmm?” Seras said, raising her eyebrow.

“It’s not an order. I’m asking.”

“Oh,” Seras said, “Yes.”

“Thank you,” Integra slid off her coat and jacket, which had been draped over her shoulders. Both were coated in dried blood. Her shoes and gloves came off with ease, and Seras could not help but watch the motions, thinking of her own attire. Her arm was now merely shadows. She wondered absently if it would ever be able to return to its original form. Her thoughts were interrupted by Integra fumbling with the flashlight as she attempted to remove her slacks.

“Seras?”

“Yes?”

“Can you hold the flashlight?”

“Y-yes!” she grabbed the flashlight from her hands, pointing it at the ground near Integra’s feet, hoping the reflected glow would be sufficient. It apparently was, because Integra slid off her slacks, belt, and broken rapier, setting the weapon on the bed, along with another small concealed pistol Seras did not even know Integra was carrying.

“Seras?”

“Yes?”

“If you’re going to stay, don’t just stand there,” Integra said, stepping away from where Seras had shone the flashlight like a spotlight and towards the bed. She sat back on it, removing the cracked glasses from her face, brushing her fingers over the taped gauze “I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep properly tonight.”

Seras sat on the end of the bed, keeping the flashlight shining at the floor near the bed, as Integra pulled the thin sheets over herself. Integra briefly regretted taking her slacks off, as the room was as cold as it was dark. She pulled the coat from the floor, pulling it over the sheets in some semblance of a blanket, glancing at the two red, glowing eyes that watched her from above the glow of the flashlight.

“Give me back the flashlight,” she held her hand out, and Seras put it in her hand with inhuman speed at the order, “Stand guard outside.”

“Of course sir,” she said, standing up, and left to go outside the door, and sit in the hallway. What she didn’t see or hear, even with her vampire vision and hearing, was the tears coming out of Integra’s good eye, as she tried to fall asleep without success. She clutched her pistol in one hand, and the other covered her mouth to stop herself from crying out.

## 13 October 1999 - Report from Integra to the Convention and Her Majesty

Alucard has been missing in action for two weeks, and I am still recovering from an eye injury. Officer Seras Victoria and I are currently safe at the Hellsing Estate. I will complete my full report as soon as possible.

## 24 December 1999 10:08 pm - London

Seras’s boots left footprints in the shallow snow as she walked away from the parked motorcycle. The only light illuminating the street was a single Christmas light display at the far end. Even though the outskirts of London had survived, many people had died, and those who survived abandoned their broken homes. Houses were empty, and there was a lack of footsteps other than her own in the snow. There were no children’s snowmen, no trees in windows. Christmas Eve was nearly over, with Christmas starting in less than two hours, and it felt like there was no holiday. Just the snow draping the destroyed remnants of London in a veil of innocence.

Suiting the weather and occasion, her Hellsing uniform had been discarded for something far more casual and modest. It was not necessary for temperature, but to conceal the shadows that had been slowly trained to maintain an arm-like shape. Gloves had become something of a necessity, and the winter weather made such attire far less attention-drawing.

These late-night walks had become an escape from the loneliness she felt from Alucard’s disappearance. However, even walking at night was still lonely. Thus, she had sought out the only other unliving vampire she knew of for company for the first time since London. The only prior visit had been during the investigation, and although brief it had been comforting. She approached the door, knocking firmly, and the door fell open, and she stepped in.

She could see the older vampire sitting at her throne. She was sitting calmly with a book in one hand and a glass of something that was certainly blood in the other. The blood’s smell was foreign and unrecognizable to Seras. Around her, Helena’s library was as it always was, illuminated by a few candles and smelling of old books.

“Miss Helena.” She bowed slightly, and the door shut behind her. Seras took another step forward, and Helena set down the book on the side table, along with the glass after emptying it with a final drink, but she did not look up. The faint sound of a record player slowed to a stop, and Helena spoke, still looking at the floor.

“Seras Victoria. Why have you come to visit again?”

“Ah, Helena. I wanted… some answers,” she said, taking a few steps towards her.

Helena stood, walking towards her. Her footsteps were silent, and she did not reply. Once she was within distance, she extended her hand and placed it on Seras’s shadow arm. Seras could feel the vampire’s presence skipping over her thoughts like a rock on water. Her telepathy was gentle, but trained like a secretary with a rolodex. She pulled her hand away for a moment.

Her voice was firm. “You are enamored with a human now. You are enamored with a human who is _also_ the leader of the organization that kills our kind.”

“Hel—”

“Need I remind you again how many of my friends have died because of Hellsing’s butchery,” her voice shifted from its usual monotone, faintly laced with anger and grief, “I allow you to visit out of trust. Your master is gone, Seras Victoria. You saw what occurred when most of London was destroyed. It would be best for you to leave out of respect for your unlife. If the ‘King of Vampires’ is disposable to Hellsing, what does that make his servant, Victoria?”

“Sir Integra’s not like that—” she protested, “it’s not her fault!”

“How quickly would she turn on you, Victoria? Enslave you as her ascendants did Dracula? You are very young and naive to believe otherwise. You are a servant vampire with no master,” Helena sighed, glancing at the nearby bookcase, “Find something or someone besides a human maiden to serve. Or learn to be alone. That is what is to be a vampire. You may have drank human blood, but you still remain a servant vampire. That is why your master wanted you to drink his blood. So you could be a true vampire and move freely.”

“She wouldn’t, and I don’t want to be alone…” she defended both Integra and her master, looking down again, “She trusts me. He’ll come back.”

Helena stepped away from Seras, and retrieved a book from her shelf. She idly turned the pages while choosing her words carefully before speaking, “Vampires do not have to be alone. I have my books. You have a familiar regardless of how desperately you repress him. You are young and have yet to learn that not everything humans know is true, there are many myths. False legends propagated by foolish mortals. Humans such as yours whose knowledge is based only on Dracula. It has been over a hundred years since it has occurred, but vampires can pair, vampires can bond. Master-servant bonds have been cut short or perverted by humans, such as the Hellsings, and pairings are too dangerous in the modern era.”

“Even so…” Seras felt a bit sad even thinking about it, “Where would I go? How would I feed? What about Int—”

Helena cut her off, flipping through the pages idly again. “The same way vampires survived in high society for centuries. There is animal blood. There are criminals. The dying. Seduction and hypnosis. The soil of the earth will always be your home. You will never escape the desire to serve without your master’s blood, but you can escape her. You must cease to lust after Abraham Van Helsing’s human descendent, as Dracula’s only unliving fledgling.”

“I couldn’t…”

Helena shut the book, dropping it to the floor. She turned to face Seras again, “Miss Victoria. I will not allow these visits to continue if you associate with Sir Hellsing.”

Seras kept her head bowed in both shame and respect. “I’m sorry, Helena.”

“Do not apologize for your choices. You made your choices, Miss Victoria. It is the Protestant Bible that says, ‘for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.’”

Seras bowed again, leaving as the door shut behind her, and returning to her motorcycle. The snow persisted in its flurries as she returned to the mansion.

## 24 December 1999 11:14 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Upon returning to the mansion, her shadows followed her, sensing each area until she found Integra in her office. She could hear her heartbeat, soft and calm and rhythmic on the other side of the door. She knocked, and upon no response, entered. She wondered briefly when she would acquire the ability to be intangible like Alucard, but brushed the thought off when she saw Integra, face first in the papers on her desk. A cup of tea, now cold was still in her gloved hand. Her jacket had been removed and was draped over the back of her chair. Seras frowned at the sight; Integra was working late again.

She walked quietly over to Integra, prying the cup out of Integra’s hand. To her surprise, Integra did not rouse. Integra’s eye briefly fluttered open, but it was not visible to Seras. She started stacking them up, putting them back in the folder. Thankfully, they were numbered so she could return them to their proper order. She did not want to pick Integra up, out of justified fear of waking her. But she also wanted to put Integra to bed, so she could sleep properly.

“Sir Integra?” she said, tapping her shoulder.

Integra tensed, sitting upright, “Yes?”

“Ah, you fell asleep.”

Integra slumped forward again, resting her forehead on her hand. “I need to finish these. The newly appointed convention members are… certainly willing to exhaust Hellsing as a resource now. We need to hire more guards.”

“You need to rest,” Seras said.

“I really do not want to sleep.”

“Nightmares?”

The groan of frustration answered Seras, followed by Integra’s sigh. She sat up and fixed her glasses on her face. “Sleeping on my desk is not particularly comfortable.” She stood, grabbing her jacket from the back of the chair.

Seras did not follow, and remained standing by the chair as Integra walked away.

Integra reached the door “I did not say you could not come with.”

Seras quickly took steps to catch up as Integra flicked off the lights in her office. She didn’t dare question Integra as she shut the office door behind her as Integra walked down the hallway.

“Seras?”

“Yes?”

“It is Christmas Eve. I would prefer not to spend it alone.”

Seras nodded, watching as Integra opened the door to her current spartan bedroom arrangements; her main bedroom was still under repair, and while reconstruction was a constant effort, it still required time and supplies. She shuffled in behind Integra, closing the door, and watched as she undressed. The movements were familiar to Seras now. Integra removing her dress shoes, followed by her tie which was placed with the blazer on the end of the bed. Her other clothes came off with similarly practiced movements. She was too tired to pay attention to Seras, or care that she was being watched, as she slipped into her nightclothes. When she looked back up, the vampire was still standing by the door, wide-eyed and confused.

“Do you want to stay or not?”

“I can’t sleep properly during the night.”

“Sleep is difficult for everyone now,” Integra said, sitting on the mattress. Seras nodded and strode over to the bed while Integra dug in the nightstand. Integra pulled out a cigar, placing it between her lips and lighting it. She exhaled a puff of smoke, and spoke again, “I’ve been trying to quit.”

“How’s that going?” Seras sunk back into the mattress by Integra.

“It… is unpleasant,” she said, taking another drag from the cigar, “That’s what I get for chain-smoking through my teens.”

“Pip smokes inside my head sometimes.”

Integra chuckled, “How is it having a french mercenary inside your head?”

“I… manage.”

“I see,” she said.

“I’ve learned to better control him, and the shadows at least,” she smiled slightly.

“Do you resent me, Seras?”

“Hmm?”

“You lost your master, Seras. I know three months have passed,” she said as if having read Seras’s thoughts. Impossible, given that she was human, but it left Seras a bit speechless. “You rescued and cared for me. You brought me back to the mansion and have stayed.”

 _‘You made your choice, Miss Victoria,’_ Helena’s voice echoed.

“Sir Integra... I don’t resent you. You’re my master’s master. You’ve provided for me. Hellsing is my home now.”

Integra was uncharacteristically silent, putting out her cigar on the ashtray. She laid back down, “Please turn off the lights.”

“Yes sir,” Seras got up very quickly to turn off the lights, coming right back to the bed.

“Thank you, Seras. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Integra…”

Sleep found Integra relatively quickly in the darkness of the bedroom, leaving Seras to stand, or in this case, lay guard. She watched the rise and fall of Integra’s chest with each breath, and as she occasionally turned.

When Integra woke Christmas morning, the only sign the vampire’s presence was an indent on the other pillow.

##  **18 August 2000 11:16 pm - Hellsing Mansion**

Seras had returned from a brief mission; to destroy a newborn vampire found in the rebuilding area of London. Such occurrences were rare, and the use of human forces were simple missions were still considered too much of a risk. Hellsing’s personnel were still limited and stationed in various areas to monitor, but not to engage with N.H.B. (non-human being) activity or to participate in rebuilding efforts.

She knew Integra would be awaiting her return, either in her bedroom, which had finally been completed over the summer with the rest of the mansion. Or her office. Seras practically flew up the stairs, knocking on the door of Integra’s room.

“Come in.”

Seras opened the door, stepping into the room. Integra was on the far end, facing away from her by the large windows that gazed out over what had once been London across the horizon, and the Hellsing estate. She was still wearing her usual suit attire even at the late hour. If she was waiting for Seras’s return, she would never admit it.

“The vampire was dealt with.”

“Excellent.”

Seras came across the room, joining Integra at the windows.

“Have you been able to retrieve memories from drinking blood, Seras?”

This was the second time Integra had brought the subject up, and Seras shrugged, “I haven’t drank from a human directly since Pip. I can’t access his memories. I can access him, but I’ve learned it’s better to repress him or else he drives me… batty.”

Integra nodded, thinking, “You are drinking blood, correct?”

“I drink the transfusions when necessary and available. There have been shortages still,” she hesitated, “from the Battle at London.”

“I can tell you’re not drinking enough blood. I expect you to keep yourself fed, Seras. If there is no blood available, I want you to inform me.”

“Yes,” Seras said, albeit reluctantly.

Integra pulled something from her pocket, its metallic appearance reflecting in the artificial warm light. It took a moment for Seras to recognize it as a letter opener. Her eyes were wide, watching Integra, and recognizing what she was about to do. She had tasted Integra’s blood once before a year ago, although it had been practically by force when she was still starving and newly dead.

“Sir Integra, I don’t—” she cut herself off as the smell of Integra’s blood hit her nose. She hadn’t even paid attention when Integra had pressed it to her finger, slicing it shallowly. The promise of something so much richer and filling than the cold bags of blood that were now only sometimes in the refrigerator filled the air, and she swallowed hard to avoid drooling.

Integra held her hand out, inches from the vampire’s face “You can drink, Seras. Don’t bite.”

She finally unclenched her jaw, something she didn’t realize she had been doing, and licked Integra’s finger tentatively. The taste was so rich on her tongue, unlike any other human’s blood. She didn’t understand how Integra’s blood was different, and she didn’t particularly care as she latched on, eyes falling shut as she drank.

She slowly sank to her knees as she fed. She felt a strange warmth where her living human heart had once been. The sensation was pleasant at first but gradually became overwhelmingly warm, and Seras pulled away from the slow stream of blood, shutting her eyes tighter. She felt like she was being choked, even though she did not require air.

She could still hear Integra’s voice, clear as night and bringing her back, eliminating the strange sensation, “Did you see anything? Hear anything?”

 _Yes, master?_ She opened her eyes. “No, master.”


	2. Water's Getting Colder

_\- You picked a dance with the devil_

_And you lucked out_

_Water’s getting colder_

_Let me in your ocean, swim_

_Chase Atlantic - Swim_

## 20 October 2000 5:30 pm - Hellsing Mansion 

Integra gathered the pile of papers, none of which were marked urgent, and returned them to the drawer to be dealt with tomorrow. She stood from the desk, collecting a bottle of port wine and glass on the way to her bedroom. Upon entering her room, she set the glass down on the dresser, opened the bottle, and poured herself a glass. She took the glass with her to the bathroom.

The bathroom was lit only by the fading orange light filtering through the large, frosted glass window above the large corner bathtub as night settled. The rebuilding of the Hellsing Mansion had allowed for a few upgrades and her to make some personal choices on the decor, and it was finally finished. She set down the half-empty glass on the nearby counter and flicked the lights on. The soft, warm artificial light filled the bathroom.

She removed her clothing, hanging the suit and blouse carefully on hangers as to not wrinkle them, and returned them to the walk-in closet. She retrieved her lavender robe, wrapping the plush fabric around herself and beginning to loosely braid her hair and pin it up. Prepared to bathe, she perched herself on the edge of the bath.

Drinking from the glass of wine again, she turned the bronze taps, starting a stream of hot water and adding a copious amount of vanilla-scented bubble bath. A sweet scent gradually filled the bathroom and bubbles filled the tub, both promising relaxation.

She stood again, slowly sipping until the glass was empty, and setting it on the counter. She dipped her hand into the water to check the temperature of the nearly filled tub. Satisfied, she turned off the taps. She discarded the robe on to the side table, climbing into the warm foam, she thought about things that had passed in the last year. The recent passing of the anniversary of the Zeppelin Incident had only made her crave the presence of Alucard’s fledgling more to escape the lonely void and reminders of such events.

She missed both Alucard and Walter, although it was no longer a fresh wound but a partially-healed one that threatened to reopen any time she would be reminded of them. Walter no longer accompanied her to meetings or lit her cigars; Walter would have had a field day if he discovered she had finally _nearly_ kicked the habit. The hallways felt empty without the threat of Alucard manifesting through the walls or filling them with darkness. Integra wanted so badly to still be angry at the vampire for disobeying her last order. She initially felt abandoned, and lonely without him. At the time, Integra had believed Seras would also abandon her. She had found herself grateful when she returned to Integra and the Hellsing Organization. Seras had slowly filled the void that both had left, and had more recently seemed to lose her usual jumpiness.

In recent non-events, these baths had become part of her routine, waiting for the vampire to join her after sunset. A welcome escape from the stresses that filled her day.

These invasions of her routine and work had started with small things, and Seras’s blatant disregard for the walls Integra desperately tried to build around herself. Seras’s insistence for her to leave her desk and rest when she would find "Hellsing’s sleep-deprived leader" sorting through piles of paperwork at “ungodly hours.” Integra had initially snapped at her, that as a vampire she had no room to judge her sleeping schedule. And then went to bed. When Integra insisted on staying up through the night, the vampire provided company, assistance, and the occasional cup of tea. Seras had at some point suggested Integra taking bubble baths, which Integra had initially scoffed at as unnecessary indulgence. Seras insisted upon them, and eventually, she gave in.

A soft knock at the door interrupted Integra’s wandering thoughts, followed by the soft footsteps as Seras entered the bathroom. She strode across the room in her blue robe, disrobing in front of Integra, far less shy than her human companion.

Integra indulged herself and let her gaze briefly wander to Seras’s body as she stepped into the bathtub across from her. She silently swore she would never confess to her, or anyone, how often she thought about Seras in her private, sinful thoughts. She was also _most definitely not_ keenly aware as the vampire’s cool legs brushed against hers. 

“Escape the phone?” Seras teased, “Without me?”

“Miraculously.”

“Mr. Serious in the bathtub,” Seras mocked Integra’s serious tone.

Integra splashed her, “Care to repeat yourself?”

The vampire giggled, splashing her back. The bubbles and water hit Integra’s glasses and hair. Integra splashed her back harder. Seras was laughing now, moving to get closer to Integra. She leaned forward, picking up a handful of bubbles before unceremoniously dropping them on Integra’s head.

“You!” she said, giving Seras a stern look. Seras merely grinned at her, picking up another pile of bubbles, putting them on her own head in the same manner. Integra tried not to grimace, unpinning her hair, the loose braids unraveling as they fell. She set the glasses and eyepatch, both soaked with soapy water on the side of the tub. Even without her glasses, she could tell Seras was still smiling at her.

“I’ll have to take care of my hair now.”

“Can I?”

Integra considered the vampire’s offer; she did not let anyone touch her hair. She decided to indulge Seras. No harm would come of it.

“Yes.”

Seras smiled brightly, “Can you turn around?”

Integra turned wordlessly, pulling her legs to sit criss-cross, and Seras closed the distance between them, sitting identically behind her. Integra reached for one of the bottles of conditioners, handing it to Seras.

“You’ll have to use quite a bit, and work from the bottom.”

Seras nodded, although Integra could not see her. She squeezed the lavender-scented product into her hand, pulling a section of Integra’s blonde hair out of the soapy water. She began to slowly work it up the section, untangling what remained of the braids. Integra slowly relaxed, letting her eye fall shut as Seras slowly worked through her hair.

“Your hair is very beautiful,” she commented absent-mindedly.

“Thank you.”

“Not just your hair, Integra, you’re very beautiful,” she said, the words tumbling out before she could stop them.

Integra was very grateful she was facing away from the vampire, lest she see the blush that had formed on her cheeks. She did not want to feel the warmth that filled her chest. “So are you, Seras.”

“I mean it,” Seras said. She had made her way to the roots of Integra’s hair. She pulled her hand away from Integra’s hair, pleased with her work. One hand lingered briefly on Integra’s shoulder, and she could feel Integra tense under the touch before she pulled away.

“So do I,” Integra said. She leaned against the wall of the tub, sitting completely upright and facing Seras again. Seras had retreated to the opposite side, eyes wandering to Integra’s chest, exposed above the bubbles now. It was nothing Seras had not seen before, but that certainly did not keep her from looking.

Integra was not sure if Seras thought she didn’t notice, or if Seras was fully aware she was gawking. It made her vaguely uncomfortable, and she interrupted the vampire’s staring, “Do you want to rinse off the shower with me?”

“Yes,” she said, “I’ll start the water.” She stood and got out of the bathtub very quickly, somehow without falling, leaving a trail of water between the bath and the shower. A mess Integra would have usually complained about but was currently too preoccupied with trying to avert her gaze from the soapy eyeful Seras had given her. Even without her glasses, she could clearly see the outline of Seras’s body, and she wanted it out of her mind. She waited until Seras was in the shower before climbing out and draining the tub.

Seras waited for Integra to join her under the stream of water. She was running her hand along the bite marks on her neck idly when Integra stepped in behind her.

“I need to rinse off.”

Seras turned to face Integra, who kept her gaze fixed at eye level. Seras stepped out of the way, letting her step under the stream of water, and then a large step to the opposite side. Integra shivered slightly at the cooler water on her flushed skin; it was not the unusually hot water she preferred but not unpleasant.

“Is it too cold?” 

“It is bearable. You can come closer.”

Seras took a step closer, not replying, and doing her best not to let her eyes wander. Integra would definitely notice if she looked now, and just tried to enjoy Integra’s warmth by proximity for a moment.

They had been close before, but there was always the barrier of Integra’s reluctance towards intimacy. When Integra pulled Seras into her arms before falling asleep when she requested Seras stay in her bed standing guard when they had gone to Oxford. Or once when comforted Seras after finding her crying in her coffin midday even though Seras would never share the contents of those nightmares. Or the two occasions Seras had tasted Integra’s blood, once when she was refusing to drink blood, and when Integra had offered it to the vampire to see if she could consciously retrieve memories by drinking blood. Or when their hands would brush when Seras would offer her a cup of tea. Each time, pulling away, leaving the faintest hint of warmth wherever they touched.

The warmth was quickly becoming a burning fire, and Seras knew she should not her hands linger, but she could not help it. She reached an arm forward, brushing it up Integra’s arm. She could feel Integra tense under her touch, but she didn’t pull away.

“Seras,” her voice was soft.

Seras’s shadowy hand froze on her arm, not saying anything. She avoided making eye contact, focusing on Integra’s shoulder instead. She waited for whatever Integra had to say. Instead, Integra did not say anything and brought her hand up to touch the vampire’s arm back, her fingertips grazing down the cool, wet skin. Seras hand opened as Integra reached it, and to her surprise, Integra’s fingers interlocked with hers. The cool water running over both of them did nothing to cool the heat in either's chest.

“We shouldn’t,” her voice lost its previous softness, acquiring its usual clinical edge.

Perhaps it had been the chilliness of Seras’s shadowy hand that reminded her that Seras was a vampire or the cold water that sobered her to what they were doing. Seras was a vampire and a woman. She should not engage in such behaviors. Her heart no longer rushed and practically froze. Integra pulled her hand away. She stepped out of the spray, past Seras, and out of the shower.

She left Seras standing in the shower in a state of confusion. It was several minutes before Seras emerged from the shower. She saw Integra at the sink, wrapped in a towel, and brushing her hair. She grabbed a towel from the rack, drying her hair. 

“Integra.”

“Yes?”

The tone of the single word was interrogating and Seras flinched. Seras wrapped herself in the towel, walking until she stood beside Integra. She looked at herself in the mirror; the wonders of modern aluminum mirrors were something she never had to feel grateful for, even as she stared at her reflection.

“Why? We should not what?” she finally challenged.

“I should not have," she chose the words carefully, "tempted you like that. We should not touch like that. You know full well why.”

Seras averted her eyes again, pushing her damp hair behind her ears and collecting her robe. She didn’t argue or ask for more elaboration. It was always like this; Integra would draw her close, only to pull away. Seras saw fear in her master’s single blue eye, if only for a second. Each time, falling deeper into temptation.

She grabbed Integra’s glasses and eye patch, setting them on the counter, preparing to leave.

“Good night, master.”

“Good night, Seras,” She found herself sighing with relief the moment the vampire left the room and cursed herself for being even remotely affected. She was Sir Hellsing, and she should not be allowing a vampire into her bath, let alone touch her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there was actually a smut scene in this chapter initially, and if there’s enough interest I’ll post it as a one-shot


	3. Cold In The Kingdom

_This night is cold in the kingdom_

_I can feel you fade away_

_From the kitchen to the bathroom sink and_

_Your steps keep me awake_

_Let Me Down Slowly - Alec Benjamin_

## 21 October 2000 10:39 am - Hellsing Mansion

Integra woke to the sun shining through the curtains, hair still damp and in her robe. She sat upright, looking for her glasses and eye patch. They were still in the bathroom, she recalled after fumbling for them. She had left them there, going straight to bed after Seras had left. She couldn’t bear to look at her reflection, afraid of what she would see in it. She stood and retied the robe.

As soon as she made her way to the bathroom, she was greeted by her reflection as she reached for her eyepatch and eyeglasses. She put both on, retrieving the blazer that had been hung the night before. It was still clean and wearable, however, the rest of her belongings were moved to the laundry basket. She redressed, fixing her cravat and silver tie pin as the finishing touches, looking back in the mirror. It was relieving to see herself dressed like this. Professional, serious, simple. Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, leader of the Hellsing organization, and most importantly, a Hellsing.

No longer feeling burdened by the vulnerabilities of the night before, she left her room, walking down the hallway towards the kitchen. Her footsteps sounded strangely loud; it was a Saturday. The maid would not be in today and the guards were likely making rounds in a different section of the mansion. Not that it particularly mattered, given that Seras’s familiar Pip, who died protecting the mansion seemed to have taken to continue to do that in the form of shadow magic. Although, lately, his presence had been lacking. So many things had changed recently, and the night before was only further adding to her concerns related to Seras.

The kitchen was empty, a daily reminder of Walter’s absence and her difficulties of hiring servants and maids that could handle working in a top-secret organization, being surrounded by guards, and a vampire who kept her blood in the main kitchen fridge. She retrieved a granola bar from the cabinets, not to be bothered with finding or preparing a proper meal. It was too late in the morning, and there was still paperwork from the prior night awaiting her. No doubt, the mail delivered this afternoon would bring more reports for her to review, and the fax machine likely had a short stack of papers on it.

Granola wrapper discarded and blazer draped over the back of the chair, she sat looking over the paperwork from the night before. Among them was a single envelope from Sir Zachary Penwood, son of the late Shelby Penwood. She pulled out the papers. On top was a handwritten letter; she skimmed over it. It was a letter thanking Integra for her ongoing work and his shared condolences for the losses in London over a year ago. The later part of the letter detailed what the rest of the documents were, that of another hoax.

Hoaxes seemed to become increasingly common, performed by both humans and vampires. Most were easy to locate and easy to terminate. Humans were too willing to slip up in an attempt for attention, and some even confessed to things that they did not do. Vampiric copycats were extremely rare, slightly more difficult to terminate, and easier to find as they operated at night, and left trails of ghouls. She turned over the page, greeted by a blurry picture of a man who looked identical to Alucard. Although the features were blurred, the red duster coat and hat were unmistakable. He even had white gloves that had some kind of markings on them - it was eerily accurate. Most hoaxes had lazy, visible errors that differentiated them. That, and there were no ghouls reported.

## 19 October 2000 - Sir Zachary Penwood’s Report To Integra Hellsing

Sightings of a man in the Sedgemoor district near Cheddar were reported by the police and multiple citizens at multiple crime scenes. The man was described as wearing a large red coat, having black hair, wearing white gloves and a red hat. Photos included are from security footage from a nearby store of the man leaving the crime scene.

 **Case No. 844-78885** Date: 10 October 2000 status: closed

Reporting officer: _Jeanette Stephens_ Filing officer: _Gayle Reynolds_

Summary: 9:08 pm Anonymous called to report a disturbance. A man described as 6’, with a red coat and hat acting suspicious. Shots were reportedly heard fired while anonymous tipper was on the line. Officer Jeanette Stephens, Officer Kurt Johnson arrived on the scene at 9:23 pm, discovering an apartment was empty however severely rampaged, and bullet casings were found at the scene, however, no proof of gunfire or blood was found. The tenant (Erin Starling) was declared missing 11 October 2000. Details of the event are available by request contact at 01632 960627.

 **Case No. 844-79031** Date: 12 October 2000 status: open

Reporting officer: _Derek Parker_ Filing Officer: _Gayle Reynolds_

Summary: 3:45 am, an officer on patrol (Derek Parker) observed an individual starting a fire/possibly attempting arson at St. Michael’s Church in Tweentown, Cheddar. He was described as being 6’ or taller, under 25, wearing a red coat, and hat by the officer at the scene. He fired multiple rounds at the officer upon fleeing. The officer was injured, multiple bullet wounds to the left thigh and torso. The officer returned fire. The officer sustained a recovery. No one was found matching the description in the vicinity. A man was found in the vicinity, Kevin Marcy, however, he did not match the description. A field interview was conducted on the man who said he entered the scene due to hearing gunfire. Details of the incident are available by request contact at 01632 960627.

Footage from Evening Hair & Wigs was obtained of the man fleeing the scene. The Vatican denied providing footage. (A handwritten note was left by Sir Penwood - this is where the source of that photo of this Alucard)

 **Case No. 844-80164** Date: 16 October 2000 status: closed

Reporting officer: _Kurt Johnson_ Filing officer: _Gayle Reynolds_

Summary: Anonymous phoned the police at 2:08 am upon observing a woman in the park at 2 am outside St. Peter’s Church in Draycott, matching the description of Erin Starling. She was allegedly with a man that matched the suspect from cases (844 series, 79031 and 78885). Upon arriving on the scene, only the woman was observed. Upon confrontation, the woman provided identification, identifying her as Erin Starling. She refused psychiatric evaluation or medical examination and denied having seen a man matching the description described by anonymous, and investigations were closed on the missing person case and this investigation.

## 19 October 2000 11:47 am - Hellsing Mansion

The pages that followed were merely copies and identifications of the involved individuals. Erin Starling and Kevin Marcy, the only individuals involved. She stared at the confronting pile of papers. There were more unnecessary details scattered on other pages, mainly a compilation of newspaper clippings.

Certainly, the young Penwood had replaced his father in informing Integra of things before the rest of the convention was informed. She was grateful, but his lack of urgency with this case was deeply concerning. Even as the hoaxes had become more common, someone attempting to imitate Alucard, regardless of how they were going about it, always ended in disaster or more civil unrest. At least these cases were reported, and recent.

The blurry footage would be of no additional assistance; it was strange that the Vatican withheld footage, even from the police. Surely, they would take the opportunity to point their fingers at Integra and smear the Hellsing Organization in the public eye.

She returned to the original photo that had caught her attention. It certainly depicted a man that looked similar to Alucard. She wasn’t completely sure it was an imposter. Alucard could return, potentially without his seals; it was not outside the realm of possibility. Surely, Alucard would be much quicker at amassing power, she assured herself, that it must be an imposter. And his blood-seal remained with his coffin in the basement, sealed and protected if he did return.

She gathered the papers back in the file, inhaling deeply. She leaned back into the chair, considering her options. She could wake Seras. A particularly difficult task given that it was nearly midday; Seras could fully survive daylight, however, she still found it irritating and interrupting her sleep-by-day schedule.

She took the paperwork with her, returning a salute to the two guards as they passed her in the hallway, and descended down the stairs into the basement. At least Seras remained in the highest sublevel, instead of insisting on staying at the very lowest levels. She entered the dark room, going straight to the vampire’s coffin, slowly slipping the cover of her coffin slightly. She tried to gently wake Seras, her usual method of touching her shoulder. Seras stirred slightly, a short shadow tendril extending from her arm and trying to push away her hand. 

Integra persisted, “Seras.” she shook her slightly.

“Integra?” she said, body recoiling into the darker side of the coffin. Her shadow extended to Integra again, trying to push her away.

“We have a problem I want you to look at.”

Seras slowly turned to face her, grumbling about being woken up during the daytime. “Yes?”

Integra offered her the papers, placing the photo of the Alucard look-a-like on top. “This paperwork came yesterday, however, it was not flagged as urgent. We have a particularly… accurate copycat on the loose.”

“Impersonating?” she skimmed the other papers, still lying in the coffin. She examined the photo of the look-a-like silently, “It really looks like master. These are in Cheddar. I know some of these officers. Or did,” she paused again, “Has anyone died?”

“It is no time to be impressed. An officer was injured. I don’t know what to make of the missing woman, it’s possible she was hypnotized or is a servant. All of them involved churches, except for the first one.”

Seras pushed the file away, shadow arm offering it to back to Integra as she tried to curl back up in her coffin, “Do you want me to leave now?”

“Not yet. I would like to see if I can pull more information, and get the rest of the paperwork we’ve received filed appropriately. I’d also like to go with you.”

Seras nodded, shadow lingering on Integra’s blazer sleeve a bit longer than necessary before it returned to her. “Integra.”

“Hmm?”

“Good morning.”

“Afternoon, now,” she glanced at the clock on the wall, “I’ve interrupted your sleep. I want you well rested before the mission. We’re not taking your coffin since it is located so close. And I want this to be resolved quickly.”

Seras sighed, “Good afternoon, then.”

“Good night, Seras,” she pulled the coffin’s lid back over the vampire, leaving her to rest. She left the dark rooms, up the stairs, returning to her office.

She contemplated the pain this mission would be, just to terminate a possible Alucard hoax. The lack of military equipment was quickly becoming a problem; the Convention (including Sir Penwood) would not approve her request for a new helicopter since London. Some of the younger members who had replaced their fathers were even more grating on her nerves.

One of them had gone as far as to imply she should take a break for more “important things” like marriage and continuing the family line. She remembered fondly how she had practically unhinged on Sir Jackson for suggesting such a thing, before returning to the other papers, both from yesterday and the new ones she retrieved from the mailbox and fax machine. Most were inconsequential; reports from remaining Hellsing and Convention investigators overseas, reports to review of previous incidents before they would be filed permanently, and some letters from parliament. Most of the letters from parliament quickly found their home in the shredder, while the rest were appropriately filed and organized.

## 21 October 2000 7:14 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Sunset had fallen a couple hours ago, and Integra was in her room dressed in her combat attire, collecting a change of clothes and magazines of ammunition into her suitcase. She heard the door open and based on the shuffle of footsteps, Seras coming to join her. Seras hardly bothered to pack anymore, as she could easily re-manifest damaged clothes. She had told Integra she still enjoyed the luxuries of material clothes, but that it was not worth the hassle. She sat on the bench at the foot of Integra’s bed.

“Odd timing to return to Cheddar.”

“Indeed,” Integra said, not even glancing up as she closed her suitcase, “Can you retrieve my coat for me? I’ll meet you in the garage.” 

“Yes, master,” Seras left again, leaving Integra as she collected her rapier, and checked to be sure she had her pistol in its holster. Integra took the suitcase, met by Seras in the garage, the vampire draping her coat over her shoulders.

The sound of rain outside became apparent when the garage door opened. Integra tried not to dwell on the weather, unlocking the black minivan: an objectively ugly 1998 Toyota Estima that had come into the hands of Hellsing among the wreckage of London. An acquisition that had proven surprisingly useful since the Zeppelin Incident. Previously flashy vehicles had become even more impractical, even military vehicles becoming too visible. While the egg-shaped van was certainly not subtle, it still blended in among regular vehicles.

Integra put her items behind the driver’s chair, turning to see Seras standing next to her, almost expectantly. When she spoke, her voice was surprisingly brittle, like she would break and start crying at any moment. The fragileness was in contrast to her calm facial expression. “Master.”

“Seras?” she said, “Is everything all right?”

“I- we’re going back to Cheddar. I don’t-”

“It will be fine, Seras,” Integra tried to reassure the vampire, and Seras just looked more distressed, shifting on her feet. Integra informed Seras that both Hellsing and necessary military personnel were informed of their intentions and whereabouts; the local police could meet them there if necessary and there was a squad of Hellsing’s personnel an hour away conducting research. It did not seem to completely lay to rest the vampire’s anxieties, but she placed her hand on Seras’s shoulder, and repeated herself, “It will be fine, Seras.”

As Integra pulled away and back to the driver’s seat, Seras whispered, out of Integra’s hearing range, “I trust you.”

## 21 October 2000 10:17 pm - In Transit To Cheddar

Over two hours had passed since they had begun driving, and Seras was wide awake, chattering about billboards and things she could see that Integra could not with her clear-as-day vampire vision. It was useless chatter, but Integra found it a useful distraction from her own thoughts.

As they approached Cheddar, Seras began to abandon her usual chattiness to gaze out the window in silence, as things became familiar. Certain trees, signs and buildings all alerting her to the looming knowledge that they were near Cheddar. The only thing that broke the silence was the road noise and the hum of the engine. She briefly considered that perhaps a disguise would have been helpful, given that some of the police in Cheddar would likely recognize her, even though the majority had died attempting to apprehend the priest Alucard had killed the night she was turned. She discarded the thoughts, trying to avoid the painful memories, and the night welcomed her dissociated gaze, and time seemed beyond comprehension.

Integra’s voice interrupted her thoughts or lack thereof, pulling her from the mental fog. “Seras?”

“Yes?”

“We’re nearly to Cheddar. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Just concerned,” she paused, deciding to lie, “About this copycat.”

“Is that all?” she pressed.

“Yes,” she said, hoping Integra would drop the subject, and thankfully for the vampire, she did. The car ride returned to silence until they pulled into the parking lot of St. Michael’s Church parking lot. Integra got out first, putting on her coat properly which had gradually fallen off her shoulders as they had driven, and placing her sword in its proper location. Seras got out, putting the pistol in her holster. Her hallconnen was still in the back of the van, although it did not seem necessary for a mission of this nature.

Integra was already looking around, and spoke again, “This is where our look-a-like attempted to arson the church. Also where he fired multiple rounds at an officer.” Seras looked around. Beside the parking lot and church laid a forested area, and opposite was the street and a shopping area. Integra continued speaking, “One of the shops across the street had footage of him leaving the scene.”

Seras looked at the shop across the street. It was hard to believe a human performed such an action and escaped so easily. However, a lack of ghouls signified that it was likely a human. How could an assailant escape so easily into the night? She knew Cheddar was a widespread area and the localized police force had a tendency for being slow to respond and mildly incompetent, but this was extreme.

Integra interrupted her thoughts once again, as they rounded the building, her flashlight shining towards the forest again. “I’m sure the Vatican has already investigated this… violation.”

“Do you think Iscariot is involved?”

“Possible. Likely. They cannot afford to intervene yet, I’m sure. Their losses in London were greater than ours.” By the time Integra had finished her sentence, Seras was focused on a sensation that spread throughout her body. It was like the sensation of daylight, but with none present. The sensation was quickly becoming icy, making the hairs on her neck stand up. She extended her senses, but it only became more difficult to focus on the source.

When she looked at the forested area again, ignoring whatever Integra was speaking about, she could sense its presence more strongly. It was no longer bright and icy, but threatening and malicious. She could not see it physically, but it was there. She interrupted Integra.

“Integra. Something. Or someone is in the forest.”

Integra’s hand quickly found her pistol, the other still holding the flashlight. “What is?”

And as Seras began to extend her senses, a tendril of shadow starting to consume her arm, the presence faded from her senses, confusing her more. She took a step closer to the edge of the manicured lawn, looking into the forest, “Something is here.”

“What is, Seras?” she asked a second time.

“I don’t know,” Seras said, “I’ve never sensed anything like it.” Seras continued walking into the forest, Integra following, pistol still drawn, flashlight lighting the way as she followed. The ground was still wet from the earlier rain, autumn leaves mushing beneath their feet. Seras led her to a clearing and Integra shone her light around to see; Seras’s nimble footsteps were already making their way to a statue at the center, a small bird perched on the head, flying away when Integra’s flashlight shone on it. She could faintly sense the energy again, as though it was right there in front of her. She stared at the St. Francis of Assisi statue, perplexed.

“The statue?” Integra’s words mirrored her thoughts, stepping closer to both Seras and the statue.

“No,” Seras said, “I felt it here. It was here.” A nearby sound interrupted her thoughts again, and Seras turned her head. She could see a group of three young humans in the forest. The faint light of a flashlight came closer, and their voices became clear in her ears.‘I hear the old church is haunted, too! There’s a clearing over here! I saw a ghost last time!’ ‘Sure you did, Daniel!’

She glanced at Integra, not wanting to admit that she was possibly still jumpy to sensations, or that she had been misguided by her own senses. Most importantly, she did not want to disappoint Integra. “There are a group of teenagers nearby, and I don’t feel whatever it was anymore.”

“We should return to the parking lot before we are spotted. I don’t feel like adding a case to Hellsing’s public appearances,” she said. She shone her flashlight in the direction from which they came, “Lead the way.”

Seras lead them both back to the parking lot, the sound of the teenagers fading as they exited the forest.

“Any idea what you sensed?”

“I don’t know. I sensed the presence, and it kept fading every time I would try to look for it, or sense it further. Like if I looked at it, I could not see it. It could have been the teenagers, master,” she offered.

Integra sighed, returning her pistol to its harness. She didn’t want to interrogate Seras, nor was it the time. Perhaps her senses were still a bit jumpy. Some holy objects were known to have an effect on vampires’ senses, but not to such a great extent, and certainly not random statues of Catholic saints in forests.

“Seras. Get in the van,” she instructed, “I’m going to make a phone call.”

Seras complied, getting back into the van, sitting in the passenger seat in silence. She felt Integra was mildly irritated by her lack of expertise at times, and this was one of those times. She decided not to comment, and fidgeted uncomfortably, messing with her shadows as Integra made the phone call. She came to the conclusion Integra was calling the Convention’s 24-hour clerical line about the cases, trying to make a request to obtain more details about the two alleged witnesses, Kevin Marcy and Erin Starling. Integra had reopened the file, which had acquired the label “the imposter” in sharpie at some point between when Integra had first shown her the file and now. Integra hung up, looking at Seras again.

“The missing woman was found in Draycott, and I’d like to finish investigating here before we go there,” she sighed, “I am starting to believe that some of these reports are hoaxes themselves.”

“What about the shops across the street? I could go look around over there, the general area,” she offered.

“I’ll join you in a moment. I’d like to make one more phone call.”

## 21 October 2000 11:43 pm - Cheddar

Seras had wandered the streets at a leisurely place, nearly an hour had passed and she had not heard anything. The night was unusually silent now to her supernaturally keen senses. She looked at her watch again, growing concerned at Integra’s absence. Seras tried to reassure herself that it was likely Integra’s phone call was lengthy, or that she was investigating along another strip of the street. As if in time with her concern, a slightly disheveled Integra came up alongside her, coat slightly wet and muddy. She looked tired, and her lips were pressed into a tight line.

“I’m sorry, Integra,” Seras offered. Integra still seemed disappointed in her, and yet she wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for: the previous night, or improperly identifying random humans as a threat. Integra’s lack of response simply caused the guilt to weigh down harder, “Sir?”

Integra seemed to be deeply considering a response, before speaking, “Seras, I need you to be diligent. This case is important.”

Integra’s direct avoidance was almost worse than the previous silence, and Seras let the burden of silence overtake them again. It made Seras feel strange - although something burdened her unlife heart. The feeling that something was awry as if the whole situation was being performed like some act of a sick play. Seras looked at her master again, extending her hand, and Integra pulled away.

“Integra,” she said, growing confused.

“Yes?”

She retracted her arm, looking at the ground again. “Nevermind.” She was even more surprised when Integra did not press her for answers.

## 22 October 2000 1:57 am - Cheddar

Integra had directed her to search the premises for a second time and said she would be returning to the vehicle to retrieve replacement batteries. Apparently, Integra had forgotten to replace the batteries in the flashlight prior to the trip. It was nearly two in the morning, and Seras had found nothing.

On her return, she felt something amiss, and just as unplaceable. It was different this time, but just as upsetting. She reached out her shadows and sensed a group, and it was impossible to distinguish Integra’s heart from them. It triggered the vampire’s stress response, and she began to run towards the church’s parking lot. _Integra._

She could see the military vehicles near the van as she approached. She could not see Integra. As she entered into the illumination of the street lights that lit the parking lot, the smell of young blood and tension reached her nose. Lights began to point at her, and she could hear someone shout from among the several men, who she recognized immediately as having Hellsing’s Insignia. At the center, a member of the Convention. Dressed in a suit, and looking as always, like a coward. Of course, the Convention knew of their presence, she thought. Always involving themselves needlessly in Hellsing’s matters.

“Sir Jackson? Where’s Integra?”

Sir Jackson had his pistol in his hand, and something silver and shiny that she did not recognize in his other hand. She stopped several pace lengths away. An unfamiliar woman stood beside him, also a pistol in hand.

“I am here to leash the family pets,” he dangled a pair of what she could now see were silver handcuffs, “to keep you from attacking any more humans.”

“I did not attack anyone,” she said, shadows starting to consume her arm.

“We have evidence to suggest otherwise. I suggest you comply,” the female officer said.

“Put your hands out, Seras,” Integra’s sharp voice came from directly behind her, and she heard the tell-tale click of the safety being turned off on her pistol. She could faintly smell cigarette smoke.

“Integra!”

“This is a silver bullet. You can pick one.”

She put her hands out, turning to look at Integra. Her master’s face had a red gash, and her hair was beyond disheveled with leaves. Her attire was completely trashed with mud, and her coat was absent. She looked enraged but calm; her rage was not unlike her aim, pinpointed and dangerous.

“In-”

“I suggest you be grateful I have not shot you yet. I will deal with you shortly.”

Seras made a sound as the silver caused her skin to burn instantly, and her hands were pulled behind her back. The hissing revealing the shadows below her skin, some parts of her skin still present but now a brilliant red.

“Her feet as well, Sir Jackson.”

Seras stood, trying not to wince as the shackles were placed on her feet as well.

“Why, Integra,” a plead more than a question.

“I want her taken to Cheddar jail. I will meet you both there.”

Seras was forced to turn away in compliance as Integra walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the plot begins.


	4. Hard Like A Rock, Cold Like Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra's Perspective

_Hard like a rock, cold like stone_

_White like a diamond, black like coal_

_Cut like a jewel, yeah I repair_

_Myself when you're not there_

_Solitaire - Marina_

## July 1999 - Hellsing Mansion

She instructed him to set Seras on the bed, leaving her in the blanket he had wrapped her in. She tried to tell herself his gentleness was merely for show; he was a vampire and should have no such human tendencies. Even so, it seemed protective and kind, the way he had set her down, bringing the blanket around her. She felt the chill of jealousy bloom in her chest, settling deep in the scars that now protected her.

“Come with me to my office.”

The vampire followed her, not bothering with his usual goading.

“You did not save her, Alucard. That girl is now destined for damnation.”

“The girl made the choice for herself, master.”

“Did she?” she said, shooting a glare at him, “It is Hellsing’s policy to destroy such creatures.”

“Master,” he said smoothly, “She is still a servant vampire. She will be tied to me until she drinks my blood.”

“And when she does, Alucard? What then?”

“I do not know. Perhaps the seals will capture her as well. If she turns against you and you order me, I can kill her, master.”

“Do you care about your fledgling?”

“Of course, master, but your orders and safety are my priority,” he said. He held up his glove, seal glowing slightly, “Always.”

## 22 October 2000 12:54 am - the clearing in Cheddar

Integra woke to a muddy image of her surroundings not helped by the darkness of the night, the events before this moment coming back to her pounding head like a hangover. She could feel the scratches on her face, irritated by the mud that stayed put as she got up. Her eyepatch partially removed, and spectacles somehow still on her face, although heavily muddied and possibly cracked. She reached a hand up to adjust them and rubbed the mud off the lens and could see a body nearby. She didn’t want to see it anymore. All it brought up was flashes of memory.

_”Uncle.”_

She felt the overwhelming panic from the night’s events consuming her again. An ache in her heart that was something between disappointment, sadness, and anger.

Seras had attacked her.

Seras had attacked others.

Seras had _betrayed_ her.

##  **_Flashback_ **

_She finished the call to headquarters, asking the guards to record their current location. She would collect Seras and drive to the next location, and interview the two witnesses. Then they would return to London and the mansion. She discarded the file in between the seats again, checking her pistol again as she opened the door. She continued adjusting her coat and weapons before standing. Seras appeared around the side of the vehicle. Integra felt a sense of gratefulness that she would not have to find her, and they could simply continue the investigation._

_“What happened?” she asked, getting out anyway, “Did you find something?”_

_Seras closed the distance between them very quickly, putting her hand on Integra’s shoulder._

_“Seras?” Integra asked again._

_In answer to her question, Seras’s hand snaked to her neck, her hand impossibly hot, almost burning. Integra could feel the side of the van as she was pushed against it. Caught off-guard, her body immediately reacted to the threat; she reached for her pistol, pulling it out as Seras began to tighten her grip around her neck, her other hand getting ready to punch Integra. Integra fought back with a useless kick, to no reaction by Seras. Integra finally retrieved her pistol and aimed for Seras’s leg, even though she could not see it, she was sure of her aim at point-blank range. She didn’t want to believe Seras would attack her for no reason; that only a non-fatal wound would be required._

_“Stop! Seras! I command you!” she said, her voice weaker with each word. She wanted, needed the tears to be from the choking. Not again. She fired the gun._

_Seras’s lack of response was terrifying, seemingly undamaged by the silver bullet entering her leg, and choked Integra harder. Not enough to put her out, but enough for Integra to continue to struggle to breathe. Seras expertly placed another punch into her stomach, and then removed Integra’s gun from her hand by force. Before Integra could reach for the other one, Seras was grabbing it from the holster. Integra felt herself drifting out of consciousness as her breaths were already shallow. Seras, no longer punching Integra, was looting her body with her free hand, taking her phone, sliding her coat off._

_Betrayal. She had no one to call upon. She tried to kick Seras, with no success. She weakly called out Alucard’s name on instinct._

_Seras only seemed to pause, “Sir Integra Hellsing,” she practically hissed, voice low, “Don’t you know, your vampire is dead?”_

_“Seras…” she mumbled as she was dropped to the asphalt. She could feel herself being dragged across the asphalt, and into the wet grass as she slowly left consciousness, blackness greeting her every sense._

She only questioned briefly why Seras had not killed her, but was pulled from her thoughts when she was without her phone, coat, and pistols. That her vampire was not only fully armed, but with her pistols.

Betrayed by her servant’s child, disgraced by her sins, and her pride broken, she wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. The lessons of her predecessors rang in her ears, as clear as ever. Her father’s teachings had been correct, and she had been naive and foolish to believe otherwise. 

_Never let a vampire get too close._

_Vampires do not have a right to exist._

_Do not trust a vampire, Integra Hellsing._

_Vampires fall into damnation, symbols of unholy corruption, until their impures souls are banished._

She felt a kindling rage ignite in her racing heart as she pushed herself off the ground. Even in the dark, she could tell her clothes were coated in mud and beyond repair or cleaning. She could feel part of her hair plastered to her face by the mud. She staggered at first, slowly finding a normal walking pace. She could tell, even in the darkness that she was in the clearing, and the irony was not lost on her. She could see the outline of the bodies nearby, but knew she had to prioritize stopping Seras. She cursed beneath her breath.

She walked in the direction she was certain the vehicle was, grateful when she saw the lights of the parking lot through the trees. She finally arrived at the van, discovering she had left the keys in her coat. She found the emergency key quickly, kept in the magnetic holder, quickly unlocking the car and getting in. Not that it would keep the vampire, but she locked it anyway.

“Police girl,” she mumbled to herself, “Fucking Alucard’s fault.” He had promised the loyalty of Seras as a servant vampire, and then Seras had promised her loyalty in Alucard’s absence. She had trusted Seras, and now all she had was another traitor. She fumbled for the glove box, pulling out the emergency phone and pistol. Loaded with lead bullets, but good enough for now. She could retrieve silver ammunition from her suitcase momentarily. She phoned the manor first.

“Hellsing Organization. Officer—”

“This is Integra. We are compromised, I am calling you from the emergency phone,” her anger filled every word. She would not be weak. She had already made that mistake.

“Sir—”

She cut the officer off, “I need the guards here as quickly as possible. Sir Jackson’s estate is nearby. I need you to contact him, and for him to be here as quickly as possible. I am located at St. Michael’s Church. I need medical care if possible.” As much as she hated to involve Sir Jackson, he would be the nearest knight available.

“I can have the guard there in less than an hour. There’s a team nearby in another town. They were on an—”

She cut him off again, “I do not care. Send them, they are to meet me here. Seras is a threat to Hellsing. You are only to contact me at this number if anyone makes contact with Seras Victoria. If she resists for any reason, you are authorized to shoot to kill. I would prefer her unliving but not dead.”

“Sir—”

“Yes?”

“I will have them to your location as soon as possible. Anything else?”

“If they arrive here and I am gone, you are authorized to assume I am dead.”

“Sir—”

She hung up the phone, careful to not let her facade fall as she looked outside the car windows. Seras was nowhere to be seen, but she did not want to find her right now. She would have to be patient and wait for the guard to arrive, climbing into the back of the van to find her silver ammunition, and to clean her glasses. The rest of her uniform could wait until later.

## 22 October 2000 2:08 am - St. Michael’s Church

The bright lights of Hellsing’s light utility vehicles illuminated the parking lot, pulling alongside the van, making it look small by comparison. Integra got out, approaching the nearest one.

A woman got out, immediately identifying herself as Officer Lawson.

Integra nodded, “Have you been given a briefing? Do you have medics with you?”

“Yes, sir. We have a few medics.”

The other two vehicles were in the process of unloading. The small group slowly swarmed around Integra and Lawson, waiting for orders. A mix of Hellsing’s personnel and the military, the human force of Hellsing, Integra told herself, she would truly have to rely on now.

“Come with me, then,” she said, “We may need body bags.”

Now, lit by the bright lights the soldiers carried, it was easier to find her way to the clearing, where she had been left. And now she clearly saw the carnage left. From appearances, they were likely teenagers, in the same location she had been left. They had been brutalized from the looks of it.

The medics inspected each of the corpses in front of her, all three having been strangled, all having been drained of their blood. One of them had clearly attempted in vain to fight back, a pocket knife still clutched in his hand.

Her voice was incredibly stiff when she spoke. “Take them back for identification.”

One of the medics approached her, offering to treat the abrasion on her face, as the rest of the soldiers were collecting the bodies.

“These children did not get treatment. I can survive.”

“Ma’am, you could get an infection.”

“Sir,” she corrected, “I will seek medical attention if necessary.”

She took the opportunity to photograph the scene with officer Lawson. The officer took notes for Integra, Lawson offering her analysis on the layout of the bodies. Pointing out that it all seemed haphazard like it was rushed with little thinking. That the bodies were just laid there, scattered and in a clearing, very obviously.

“It is strange, Lawson, that none of them had become vampires, ghouls, or turned to ash. I believe they were strangled first. Such unnecessary carnage,” she said, looking at the ground where one of the corpses had been.

“Officer Seras is a vampire, correct? You believe she did this?” Lawson said as the last group of soldiers began to take the last corpse back to the vehicle.

“Yes and, unfortunately, yes.”

As they returned to the parking lot, tailing behind the last group of personnel, her discussion with Lawson continued.

“What do you intend to do?” she asked.

“You have a silver cage and non-human restraints, correct?”

“Yes.”

Integra contemplated her options briefly, “I would prefer to capture her. There is still an Alucard imposter at large. I would like to know why she did this.” 'If there even is a reason,' she thought.

Stepping back onto asphalt, she could see one of the vehicles loading up to take away the corpses, to identify and contact them per Hellsing’s policy. She did not want to consider what those letters of condolences would be like to write. Nearby, Sir Jackson was standing outside his silver Mercedes E320, having arrived during their investigation in the clearing. She fought the urge to grimace at the fact that he was well dressed in his suit at half-past two in the morning, and she was standing covered in mud and with the leftovers of leaves in her hair. Certainly, her personnel would not comment on her appearance, but Sir Jackson would likely not restrain himself. Before approaching him, she dug in the back of one of the vehicles, retrieved two sets of blessed silver handcuffs, and an additional pistol, checking to be sure it was loaded with silver bullets. She walked towards Sir Jackson, who was now sitting half-in, half-out of his car.

She handed him the pistol and handcuffs “This is loaded with silver bullets. Do not fire unless she becomes an active threat.”

“Has she not already caused enough damage, Miss Hellsing? She’s killed three people, and attacked you.”

She practically hissed at the way he said ‘Miss Hellsing’ but dropped it. More important things mattered right now. “I would prefer her in custody, I want an explanation for this, and there are greater things at large.”

“Integra,” he said, “Your vampires cause enough damage—”

“Again, Sir Jackson. I would prefer not finding out the hard way if you will miss the shot.”

Sir Jackson scoffed at her; the elder knights had come to respect her significantly more since the Battle of London, but Alucard’s absence left a hole where he had instilled fear.

“I need a cigarette,” she said, irritation bleeding through her voice. She had been doing well kicking the habit but old habits die hard, and it made for a good excuse to cut off the conversation.

She returned to one of the military vehicles and dug in the glove box. She retrieved a relatively new box of some kind of cheap cigarettes, certainly stowed by one of the guards. As well as a lighter. If anyone complained, she would purchase them a new box and lighter.

Her prize obtained, she lit one, inhaling the smoke. It certainly did taste cheap, but it was a welcome comfort. It reminded her of when Seras would reprimand her early in the quitting process for smoking, but she tried to push the thoughts away. She exhaled again. She could see someone approaching, rather quickly, from the opposite end of the parking lot. Coming out of the shadows, towards her personnel. Seras.

She got out of the vehicle, watching the vampire walk quickly towards them. She got out and dropped her half-spent cigarette, stomping it out. She moved between the military vehicles, watching Seras approach them.

She watched as Sir Jackson turned towards Seras, soldiers and Officer Lawson on both sides pointing their flashlights, and raised their guns. She couldn’t hear them from her current watchpoint, but she didn’t need to. And didn’t want to. She couldn’t stand to hear Seras’s voice. Seras had taken a step back from Jackson, which said enough; she came around, holding the pistol out, aimed at the vampire’s back, at her heart.

“Put your hands out, Seras,” she said, voice steady, flicking the safety off.

Seras squealed her name in protest.

“This is a silver bullet. You can pick one,” she said, her voice sharp this time. Seras turned her head to look back. She started to say her name again, but she cut off her protest. “I suggest you be grateful I have not shot you yet. I will deal with you shortly.”

Seras made a sound that could only be described as a cry as the silver cuffed her hands, instantly making a hiss that Integra wanted so badly to find satisfying.

“Her feet as well, Sir Jackson.”

Seras stood still, letting him place the cuffs on her ankles, producing another hiss as the silver burned her. She looked at Integra, who looked even more detached than before.

“Why, Integra?” she said, her voice sounding desperate.

Integra ignored her, “I want her taken to Cheddar jail. I will meet you both there.”

Integra did not turn her back on the vampire, taking a few steps back before returning to a military vehicle. She did not want to get back in the minivan, and she sent the two soldiers inside the utility vehicle with the keys to retrieve it. She could see Seras defeatedly walking with them to another vehicle. She stepped into the back of the vehicle inside an unblessed silver cage, an extra security to contain vampires, with surprising compliance for a vampire that had allegedly fed. Integra was grateful to be on her own as she joined the convoy of vehicles driving to the Cheddar jail. She would not let them see her cry. Seras would not see her cry. _She would not cry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I briefly considered whether or not to put Seras or Integra’s perspective first, as each sways which you would side with. I ended up deciding to put Seras’s perspective first, because I felt the sequence of Integra’s flashbacks would be far more compelling, rather than Seras’s perspective first


	5. Cold Like The Ocean, Cold Like The Rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is the use of german in this chapter. I used a combination of various translators and stuff, so hopefully it is accurate to what I intend it to be. For the sake of later developments, a translation is not included and it is intended to be minimally understood.

_It's cold like the ocean, cold like the rain_

_Show your devotion, show me the pain_

_Show me the blood, show me you tried_

_Show me the tears coming down from your eyes_

_Live By The Sword - Dorian Electra_

## 22 October 2000 3:45 am - Cheddar Jail

Hellsing’s personnel had only removed her from the cage when they were certain she would not attack them, carefully following the protocol to contain vampires. Integra had been able to use connections to have Cheddar Jail isolate an area to keep Seras in custody. And now, Seras was on the floor of the plain concrete jail cell. The blessed silver cuffs were attached to reinforced, blessed silver chains that attached both cuffs, which attached to the concrete. There was no real purpose to binding her to the concrete floor, as the blessed silver bindings already prevented most movement.

Seras did not struggle when she was removed from the cage, or when she was placed on the floor. Her wrists already blackened, as were her ankles from the burns of the restraints. The occasional brush of the chain would hiss and mark her as she turned to her side.

When she heard the door open, she tried to get up regardless of the pain, straining in a fruitless attempt to get closer to the individual she immediately recognized as Integra. Her master stood out of reach, her appearance still muddied, hair disheveled, and coat still strangely absent.

“Integra, why?” she said, using the only two words that she could find to describe her feelings and confusion.

“Why?” Integra said with a frightening calmness, pulling a pistol from her holster. Her voice cloaked her anger and disappointment. Seras could tell, even at a distance that it was not Integra’s usual pistol, but Integra did not give her the opportunity to focus on that, continuing her interrogation.“Why, Seras? Attacking and killing humans? Attacking me? Did you really think you had killed me? Where is your willfulness, vampire?” With each question, her emotions began to bleed through her hardened facade. Emotions she refused to call heartbreak. 

“I didn’t attack anyone,” she said, voice cracking as she tried to retreat, even in her state of being bound, “I didn’t attack you.”

Integra snapped back with more rage, “I’m not going to ask again. Know your place. The first bullet is lead. Answer me, nosferatu.”

The pistol was trained directly at Seras, and she made a strangled, fearful sound in response. First at the threat of being shot, and then at the term used to address her. Desperation and fear gripped her, trying to summon Pip or her shadows.

 _Nosferatu._ The word echoed louder and louder like a threat looming over the rest of her thoughts. Unable to defend herself and unable to retreat, she trembled from fear, and Integra was too enraged to notice or care. The word echoed repeatedly until it became static, followed by a deep voice speaking german. She could not understand it but felt the meaning all the same. 

**_‘Gehorche deinemn meister von meister, nosferatu-diener Seras Victoria.’_ **

Her eyes shut tightly in response to a growing primal fear and inescapable pain as it became overwhelming, and something so bright and blinding that was not there. The intangible chains of something unrecognizable both restrained and ripped through her. As if to restrain her until she provided Integra a satisfactory answer, and they did. It felt like hours had passed when she reopened her eyes, although it had not been. She pulled herself into a kneeling position out of some strange instinct, which was only barely possible in the physical restraints, and lifted her eyes back to Integra, trying not to cry.

The words came out in a pleading stumble, hoping they would release her from the pain that was ripping through her. “I did nothing but as you ordered… I don’t know what I missed. I’m sorry, master. I failed. I didn’t attack you… I don’t know what attacked you… It wasn’t me, master.” The words reduced the pain, and Seras watched as Integra took a step towards her. If her vampiric eyes were not fooling her, Integra’s hands shook slightly as she gripped the pistol.

“Three boys are drained of their blood.”

“I didn’t attack you, master, or anyone. I didn’t drink any blood, master,” she said with genuine insistence.

“Explain yourself, then. Tell me what happened when you left the car. And do not lie to me as though I am blind, Seras. I am only missing one eye,” she commanded.

 **_‘Bist gehorsam,’_ ** the voice echoed again, although less painfully this time.

“I went down the street, walking through downtown. You joined me, and you did not wish to speak to me,” her words finally coming to her easier again as the mysterious pain faded more, even though Integra’s words still stung in their own way, “Your flashlight died, and you returned to get batteries… you didn’t return and I returned… to find Sir Jackson instead of you.”

“I didn’t come out with you. You attacked me,” she corrected.

“I didn’t-” she protested.

Integra cut her off, irritation heavy in her voice again, “The Convention knows. They have questions, Seras. Why is m- the Hellsing’s vampire is acting out? Attacking innocents?” She was close to Seras now, not that the vampire could easily reach her. Seras rolled back, the silver hissing against her skin and clothing again. Seras didn’t look away from Integra though, looking up at the sight of her pistol in a mild act of defiance, even as the pain began to return.

“I told you. I waited for you downtown. You took a while, but you came down and I walked the whole area, for several hours. You wouldn’t even talk to me- I couldn’t detect anything. Until I came back to the parking lot. I felt something when I got close, and then I saw Sir Jackson…” She paused again, red eyes still focused at the barrel of Integra’s gun. “I didn’t know why, until he said he was arresting me. And then you… what happened to you?”

Integra held the pistol steadily aimed at the vampire. Seras was strangely calm again and waiting for an answer. “Whoever it was, you or otherwise. You attacked me, I shot you in the leg. You took my pistol, coat and phone. Dragged me into the forest. You left me with those boys you strangled and fed upon. You disobeyed,” she pulled her collar away to reveal the beginning of the bruising from the earlier choking.

“Strangled?” her own voice choked on the word. “I didn’t attack you… I didn’t do those things. I didn’t attack anyone. I don’t even drink from live humans, you know that! Do you need to shoot me? Is that what it will take for you to believe me?” she no longer choked on her words, even as the pain began to rip through her again. “Is all I have done up until now not enough? Have I not shown you enough? Do you really not trust me, master of my master? Regardless of how long _he_ is gone, I am still a servant.”

Integra contemplated the vampire’s sincere-sounding words for a moment, she dropped the pistol to her side, but still clutched it, should Seras began to strain against the chains again. There was little evidence to support Seras’s claims, but her insistence was like that as if she lived on a different plane of reality.

She briefly considered again that the Alucard imposter may also have impersonated Seras, but it seemed incredibly unlikely. It felt like a manipulation, a lie. She leaned into the theory as unlikely and practically impossible as it was, but she wanted to believe even for a brief moment that Seras had not betrayed her.

“Seras, what time did I join you downtown?”

“Right before midnight.”.

“If it was not you,” she said, not continuing the thought aloud, “You are to stay here, in custody.”

“Int-”

“I am dealing with this.”

“Please-”

Integra cut her off again, sending a brief pain through her that ushered her into silence, “Stay here, Seras. I cannot release you in good faith. I will tell Sir Jackson to make sure you are fed.” She turned on her heel, leaving the servant vampire to silently resist the urge to weep.

## 22 October 2000 4:39 am - Cheddar Jail

Leaving Seras in her cell allowed her an opportunity to go to the jail’s filing office, and attempt to retrieve every file related to the cases she had been given. She had already waited long enough for a guard to retrieve the packet from the van. With it, she strode into the room, the secretary glancing up at her. An oddity, considering it was nearly five in the morning. She supposed it was equally odd to see the leader of the Hellsing Organization covered in dried mud and, though she had not seen it yet, bits of autumn leaves in her hair.

“Ah, how can I help you?”

“I need the full files for 844 series 78885, 79031, and 80164. All the details.”

“Can I ask your credentials?”

“Sir Hellsing,” she found her ID in her pocket, “That should be sufficient.”

“Can you repeat the file numbers?” he grabbed a notepad and pen from his pocket. She repeated them. “I remember your organization from- nevermind,” he finished his thoughts out loud, “Those files will be over here.” He walked over to the far end of the filing cabinets, sifting through them, pulling two files out. “I’m afraid I am missing 79031, it is probably an open file or at another office. Also, I can’t give you access to the physical evidence or the originals. I can only give you the copies of the files.”

“That’s fine. Can you make those copies right now?”

“Of course sir,” he said, “It should take about fifteen minutes. May I ask if it is true that Seras Victoria has been found?”

Integra tried not to grimace, how times had changed. People not only had knowledge of the existence of Hellsing because apparently no amount of confidentiality could stop gossip. Apparently, her reaction had been visible to the gentleman. “I’m sorry, Sir Hellsing. It’s just that I was one of her fellow officers before... last year.”

He fled the room, giving her an opportunity to find Sir Jackson. She left down the hallway back to the entrance area, finding him with Officer Lawson.

“Sir Jackson,” she said, announcing herself as she came into earshot.

He came over, looking inconvenienced still by the morning’s events and from her interrupting his discussion with Lawson “Yes?”

“I will need you to contact Ashton Laboratories. Hellsing has contact with them for blood supply. I would suggest a half-liter of blood per day, and I will expect you to make sure Seras remains fed.”

“Must I repeat myself... Has she not already caused enough damage? Did she not already eat three boys, Integra?"

“She is bound in silver cuffs without a coffin, Sir Jackson. She will require blood. That is enough consequence for a servant vampire until I finish investigating. I want her to remain as alive as a vampire can. There remains the possibility that she is not the one who drank from those boys.”

“Integra, need I also remind you of the cost of bl-”

“I am fully aware, Jackson.”

“I will make sure your belligerent vampire pet is taken care of,” he sneered, “Hellsing will pay dearly for the lives of those boys.”

Integra glared at him, and dropped the subject; she could tell she was getting too tired to think clearly. Being awake the past day, driving through the night, being assaulted, discovering strangled teenagers, and interrogating her vampire was not on her plans; she had expected this trip to be short. Typically finding imposters or getting them to act out in the open was easy. She left the room, leaving Sir Jackson to criticize her to no one in particular. She retrieved the copies from the gentleman from filing, she finally left to a hotel return with her belongings which had been retrieved from the van, and guards at six in the morning.

Looking in the mirror, she could see the damage now from being dragged across the grass and through the forest. The bruises that were forming on her neck and the leaves in her tangled hair. Her suit was ruined, stained and marked. She removed the damaged clothes, discarding them on top of her suitcase. She pulled some of the leaves out of her hair, before giving up on the few left entangled.

She checked the ammunition in the pistol Officer Lawson’s squadron had provided, slipping it under the pillow before she collapsed into the bed, sleep greeting her. Her sleep was restless, tossing and turning. The scenes of Seras played again, and again, and again in her nightmares.

-

_“Seras, stop,” I command her, again and again, her hand at my throat. I pull my gun out, shooting her. Tears are forming in my eyes. Her hand is hot, almost burningly so as it touched my neck. Why is she so warm? “I command you…” I repeat._

_Nothing happens as I command her. Nothing happens as I shoot her. I cry out again, again for her to stop. I cry out for Alucard, I cry for there is nothing else I can do. I scream, and cry again. Something is wet on my face, and I’m not sure if it’s blood or tears. I hope it is blood. I am going to die, I am going to die. I can feel her taking my things, her hands on my body. Her hands, always finding their way to me, are now hurting me._

_I am afraid. I no longer have Alucard, I no longer have Walter, and now I am losing Seras. I am alone. I am losing myself, and I fall into darkness, and I am back in that basement, facing my uncle Richard._

_Where is my salvation? I wonder, all my enemies are truly closing in. It is not just my uncle now, it is them all. Walter. The Major. The vampires._

_I can hear Alucard is awakening, but this time when I look at him, he is gone. I cannot reach to find him. I cry out again and again and fall into darkness again, and I look up and it is Seras, bound the same way Alucard was, the remnants of the seal that had kept him there now glowing as if binding her, too._

## 22 October 2000 12:35 pm - the hotel

Integra awoke to a knock at the door, sitting upright, concealing her gun back into it’s harness as she quickly put her spare attire on; the contents of her nightmares quickly fading in the rush. She answered the door, greeted by Lawson and her immediate reporting.

“Sir Integra, we’ve been trying to track your phone, but we haven’t been able to find it. It’s either off the grid, out of power, or damaged.”

“I see. Come in, I have some paperwork I want to show you.”

The brunette nodded, entering the room, “We’ve received no reports of additional activity. The Cheddar police are identifying the boys and contacting the families.”

Integra flipped through the paperwork that she had strewn across the desk the night before with the rest of her personal belongings, pulling out the case files, and the new paperwork from the Cheddar police. 79031 was missing, but she still had the summary, and copies of Marcy’s personal information.  
“This is all the paperwork we have in relation to the cases of the imposter. And his victims. Now, we have the two possible witnesses, Erin N. Starling.” She handed one of the papers to Lawson. “And Kevin Marcy, and his personal information.”

“Sir, what do you want done with these-”

“I want Ms. Starling found and placed under surveillance.”

“What of Marcy?”

“I will go to interview him. I will take a few of your servicemen with me.”

“Yes, sir. What of Seras Victor-”

“She is not your concern at this time. She is in custody. Has the Vatican contacted us? I assume they were aware we were entering into their turf.”

“Not yet.”

“I see,” she said, looking over the papers again. Officer Lawson was still lurking.

“Why are we investigating if Seras is responsible for the deaths of those boys?”

“There is an imposter, of at least Alucard in the area,” she said. There was no way to easily explain a vampire’s shapeshifting abilities. “I would like to at least complete the investigation on this imposter.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Thank you, Lawson. I trust you will complete the surveillance,” she said.

“Of course, sir,” she got up to leave. Integra’s stomach growled loudly shortly after Lawson left, a gnawing reminder that she had not eaten since shortly before leaving the day before. She looked at the clock on the desk, ticking away as she considered her options in getting food. She settled on requesting a pre-made meal from the guard’s supply. She briefly went out, asking the guard to retrieve her one, before returning to the bathroom.

She stood in front of the mirror, brushing her hair out, slowly detangling out the remaining crumpled leaves and dirt. Upon being satisfied with the state of her hair, she cleaned her face, removing her eye patch and glasses to wipe them off properly. Finally pleased with the fact that she no longer looked like she had been strangled and dragged through the forest, she finished dressing herself in combat attire, obtained from the guards.

A knock at the door interrupted her thinking; the guard had retrieved her one of the pre-packaged bundles of food. She took it, shutting the door, returning to the desk to pour over the documents as she ate out of the packet of cold, bland pasta and sauce. The shelf-stable meal, while not particularly enjoyable, was very filling. She sifted through the papers again, trying to find if she was missing anything, and much to her disappointment, it appeared she had not.

Staring at the mess of papers, she considered Seras’s suggestion that the imposter vampire perhaps impersonated her for the second time. She wasn’t sure what was more terrifying, the fact that a creature could have such abilities or that Seras potentially turned on her. Or the way it made her feel. She hit the desk out of frustration. Alucard was no longer here to give his unsolicited opinions, and for once, she missed it. She stacked the papers, shoving them back into the folder, dumping the empty packet and spoon in the trash. 

## 22 October 2000 unknown time - unknown location

“I have retrieved it as you asked. And the vampire has been successfully removed from the picture. I saw her arrested with my own eyes.” The brunette set the coat on the table, “I drank from the boys you so lovingly strangled for me, master.”

“I am still disappointed we did not obtain Sir Integra,” they leaned back in the chair.

“I am certain she will come to us, my master.”

“Thank you, Possenti,” they said, grinning brightly, “Hang it with the bright red one in the closet.” The man, presumably Possenti grinned brightly back and took the coat to his room. 


	6. Hit Like This, Live Like This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or, alternatively: The Fool, Reversed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is extremely long (over 7k words)  
> Also I don't know shit about actual internal medicine, I am not a doctor or medical professional.

_You wanna hit like this? You’re gonna hurt like this_

_You wanna live like this? You’re gonna die like this_

_Live By The Sword - Dorian Electra_

## 22 October 2000 2:34 pm - the hotel 

Folder in hand, she left the hotel room. Her steps were stiff; she was fueled by frustration, rage, and what was left of instincts exhausted long ago. She disregarded her feelings towards Seras, both positive and negative; she was a Hellsing, and she must stand tall to find Alucard’s imposter and deal with him. And then Seras could be dealt with.

“Come with me,” she instructed the two guards who stood post by the door. The two guards followed alongside her to the edge of the parking lot, where the vehicles left by the convoy the night before remained parked. She took the keys from one of them, and the two guards got in with her.

“We’re going to interview a key witness. You will accompany me,” she said, briefly overviewing the address again before punching it into the GPS. “I would like you to stay in the vehicle when we get there.”

“Sir, that’s against proto-”

“I can handle myself, soldier. We are trying to avoid additional public disturbance.”

The two service members fell silent, shrugging at each other. The GPS’s robotic directions brought them to the address, and Integra got out, leaving the two guards in the vehicle.

Integra knocked at the grey door of the otherwise plain off-white two-story house, and the door was opened by a slightly shorter man with messy brown hair, who was immediately recognizable from the photocopies of the man’s ID.

“Hello.”

Integra spoke before the man could speak further, “Mr. Marcy, I am here to question you.”

He smiled slightly, and opened the door wider, “Come in, then.”

Integra entered quickly, keeping an arm under her coat, ready to grab her pistol. The living room that she stepped into upon crossing the threshold, was barren sans a single table. The smell of dust and cigarettes lingered in the room, along with an unrecognizable smoke-like smell.

“What did you see at St. Michael’s church?”

“Indeed. When?” the man shut the door, facing Integra.

“During the shooting. Earlier this month.”

“There are many shootings in that parking lot,” he stepped towards Integra, as she drew her pistol, “You committed one last night, did you not?”

Integra’s arm extended from under her coat, pistol aimed at him, before he took another step towards her, “You were there last night?

“You found us faster than I thought you would,” Kevin said, as Integra heard someone behind her. Another figure had entered the room, looking similar to Kevin Marcy.

“You aim my pistol at my master again.”

Integra turned her head, to see an identical-looking man with red eyes across the room. Vampire. She pulled the trigger, but not before the initial answerer of the door, now in the form of a familiar female pulled her back to the floor.

“Ke- Erin Starling-”

“Neither,” they said, pulling the pistol from her hands, “This again. Always with the guns. Servant, deal with her guards outside.”

The vampire nodded, walking quickly across the room as Integra struggled against them, and they paused only briefly by them to acknowledge their master, “Of course, my master.”

“Do not touch my men!”

The creature above Integra smiled, instructed their servant, “Bring them in when you’re done, Possenti.”

Integra pushed against them again, “Who are you? What are you?” Possenti was already out of sight, but the shape-shifting blond was still pinning them down.

“We did get your attention rather quickly. You caused quite a problem for me yesterday. Shooting me,” they said, “My name is Blasius.”

“That was a blessed silver bullet.”

Blasius grinned wider, “Blessed silver has no impact on me.”

“You have a vampire.”

“Indeed. Do you think your grandfather, Van Helsing, was the only or first man to enslave night creatures,” they said, ignoring Integra’s persistent kicks, “The Major’s work allowed many to learn of vampires, and their reality. Those of us who walk the day are not nearly as naive as you believe. Where the Vatican has failed, we can succeed. I have an advantage that I am neither vampire nor human.”

The sound of the door opening interrupted Blasius’s bragging, and Integra looked over to see her two guards being dropped, almost casually so, to the floor.

“Your prizes, master,” he said, “May I drink the Hellsing's blood?”

“You killed my men.”

“Not yet. They’re still alive, Hellsing,” Blasius said calmly.

“Did you kill those boys?” Integra strained against Blasius again.

Blasius pushed Integra back onto the floor, “‘I’ did not kill those boys. That would be my servant’s doing, Miss Hellsing.”

“Do not address me as Miss Hellsing,” she said, “Who are you?”

“I already told you. I am Blasius. That is my servant, Possenti. You may go ahead and… feast upon her guards, Possenti.”

Integra could only struggle against the much stronger Blasius as she watched the vampire sink his teeth into the neck of the unconscious guard. “Do not kill my men,” she repeated.

“It's too late,” they said, “Don’t worry. They won’t become ghouls. Possenti does not create ghouls.”

Possenti pulled away from the first guard, licking the blood from his lips, savoring the taste of the human’s blood. “Perhaps a familiar face would make Dracula’s master more comfortable,” Possenti said, grinning at Blasius and then Integra. He was briefly consumed by his shadows, before they amalgamated back to a physical form identical to Alucard’s, sans the red coat. He sunk his teeth into the other guard, lifting him so he could stare at Integra as he did so. Integra no longer struggled in Blasius’s grip, too stunned to reply. Possenti dropped the guard when he was finished, leering at Integra.

“I tire of restraining her, servant.”

He nodded, grabbing Integra’s forearms, and she fought against the cold hands, which were a surprising relief from Blasius’s flaming ones. Blasius sat back, straddling her waist and Integra tried to knee Blasius in the back, but to no effect. She glared up Blasius again, and then Possenti, who was still leering.

“Integra Hellsing,” he said, “I’m surprised Dracula’s master is so weak. You lost your servant in London, and you jailed your servant’s fledgling. She is so loyal, and one of the first vampires to nearly see past my master’s exterior.”

“Seras,” her name leaving Integra’s lips like a sigh.

Possenti pulled down the cloth covering his neck, revealing a familiar Catholic symbol, a Chi Rho that was bright red against his pale skin. “I was sealed in 1853 by my master’s father. It is not the same as the Hellsing seal.”

“How were the seals placed upon Dracula?”

“I do not know.”

“Lies,” Blasius said, “How are they placed? Broken? Removed?”

“A vampire’s seal? Broken? Removed? Only you could do that, and you’d have to know how it was applied.”

They stood, “Possenti. I want her to be put in your room. She will break and speak eventually.”

Integra looked at the Alucard look-a-like as he loomed over her menacingly, still grinning wildly. He picked her up, restrained by the tendrils of shadow that had extended from his hands, carrying her up the stairs to one of the rooms, likely intended as a bedroom.

“It’s too bad I can’t keep you in my shadows forever.”

“You disgust me.”

He set her down on the floor, chuckling to himself as he retrieved a set of ropes. He reached for his legs, releasing them from the shadows just long enough for her to try to kick him again. She managed to kick him in the arm, trying to get up and get away. His shadows tightened their grip yet again before he took the opportunity to tie her legs again. He finally made his way to her arms, prying the rapier she had attempted to draw from her hands. “Not even blessed silver?”

Integra sneered slightly, “The bullets in my pistol are.”

The Alucard look-a-like pulled off her coat, allowing her to try to punch him, but her arms were quickly restrained, behind her back. He pried off her silver tie pin, hissing at the contact before letting it drop to the floor, and brought his face quite close to Integra’s.

“For someone with such expertise with vampires and the like,” his shoulders shook slightly from restrained chuckling, “you’re quite willing to fight.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“Did Dracula never indulge you in the pleasures of the flesh?”

Integra only looked more disgusted.

“I won’t defile you,” Possenti said calmly, “You can still be turned. You would make quite a lovely servant vampire.”

“I would die before becoming a vampire.”

“My master only requested that you be kept in my room until you speak,” he pulled away slightly.

“I have nothing to say to either of you. You mock me and my servant, strangle me, kill my men, treat me like this, and expect me to help you.”

“My master did not strangle you. You lived. You were asphyxiated.”

Integra rolled her eyes at the vampire, before screaming as a last resort. She hoped someone would hear her. Possenti quickly was over her again, covering her mouth. She bit down, hard. The vampire’s thick blood filling her mouth. He yanked his hand from her mouth. He cursed, though the wound was healing quickly. Integra screamed again after spitting out the vampire’s blood from her mouth, resulting in Blasius appearing in the doorway.

“Silence her, Possenti.”

Possenti covered her mouth with his hand again, “If I could turn her, master, she would follow me without question.”

“I do not wish for her death, servant,” they said, “My orders remain from yesterday. You will not defile her yet. Do I need to remind you of your place?”

“No, master,” he still had his hand clasped over Integra’s mouth, and turned back to face her, holding steady eye contact with her single blue eye. “Silence, mortal.” She tried to pull her head away as the vampire’s hypnosis slowly washed over her. She tried to keep screaming, but she could not any longer. She tried to open her mouth, but it would not open, the hypnosis drowning over her as his words were repeated to her. He released her with one final word, “Silence.”

She sneered at him, but she stopped fighting the bindings. She would have to bide her time; she watched as servant and master left.

She could now evaluate the room where she had been left. The room wasn’t completely dark, she could see the vampire’s coffin in the corner, laid on the floor. Random items discarded on the floor without care. Bottles of wine and empty glasses left on the only normal piece of furniture in the room, a small wooden table. It was eerily similar to Alucard’s choice of decor.

Still seated against the wall, and the bindings growing more uncomfortable with each passing moment, she considered her options. In the next room, she could hear the two discussing something rather loudly, and hoped it would cover any noise she might make. She slowly began to attempt to escape the rope. Thankfully Possenti was apparently lazy with his work or assumed Integra would not be able to escape. She consoled herself that even if she did not escape, Officer Lawson knew of her whereabouts. That the competent officer would notice Integra’s extended absence and lack of response. 

After over an hour passed, she finally made some progress as she managed to escape the bindings around her feet and legs, losing her shoes in the process. The ones on her arms had not budged and she realized it would require significantly more effort to rid herself of them. She looked around the room again for something she could reach with her foot, preferably that was sharp. There was nothing within reach. She rolled to her side, rolling herself partially across the room, closer to the coffin.

She propped herself up slightly with her arms on the lid, sending a shooting pain through her shoulder from the strain. She finally staggered upright, by some miracle, keeping carefully balanced. She saw a knife on the table now. She turned herself around, walking back carefully to reach for it with her hands, turning it to slowly cut through the ropes. She finally freed her wrists slightly and began being able to wiggle the rest of the ropes off. She finally felt relief from the pain in her shoulders, grabbing her sword from the floor and searching for another weapon.

She moved quickly, knowing that each passing moment could result in either Blasius or Possenti discovering her escape. There was a window, but she knew breaking it would alert them. She opened the closet door, finding herself stunned again to see her coat, and what was presumably a replica of Alucard’s bright red coat. 

She grabbed the coat, yanking it from the flimsy plastic hanger, and dug her hands in the pockets. She sighed in relief when she found her phone in the pocket where she had left it. She turned it on, thankful the device was silent as it powered on. Her other hand found her pistol, and other belongings were still in her pockets. She did not have time to continue dwelling in relief. The phone was on, and using the keypad, she rushed to the main screen, searching for Officer Lawson in her contacts, and found her information. For once, she was grateful for the conversion over to the newer phones that all these contacts were put in, and that texting was possible. She knew a short message would have to do for now and sent a singular, short message. “KMarcy is a vampire. Send assistance to address.” She turned to run for the window, no longer concerned with being heard, only to see Possenti peering at her, his red eyes glowing from behind the messy brown hair of Kevin’s form again.

“That was fast, Dracula’s maiden does not disappoint.”

“I am not ‘Dracula’s maiden.’”

“What would you happen to be doing?” he said, a hand snatched the phone from her hands, smirking before smashing it, “I do not understand these devices, but my master is sleeping. They simply requested to make sure you remain bound, alive and silent.”

“You have done neither,” she whispered under her breath, before saying “Don’t touch me again.”

“I just have orders to follow. To keep you here until you speak.” He came closer to her, eyes glowing red. “Miss Hellsing.”

“Sir Hellsing,” she corrected, her lips drawn in a flat line, staring back at the vampire, who stared back at her with equal intensity.

“Miss Integra,” he repeated, stepping closer, dropping the crushed phone to the ground, “Your family kept Dracula for over a century. I slept through that time, and Dracula still sired another vampire. How?”

“I’m not going to answer you,” she said.

“I strive to be like him, to be the unstoppable force in this world of immovable objects, the next king of vampires, my rightful place,” he grinned, leaning in closer to Integra, “I have consumed so many that my generous master has brought for me… I will exceed Alucard.” He pulled aside his collar again, showing the Chi Rho seal, as if to brag, “And my master is not a mere human.”

“If you want to be Alucard, you are a fool,” she said, looking at the seal that was placed on his neck, “Your masters are never going to achieve what Van Helsing did.”

“Am I a fool?” he said, “Alucard, Dracula has been in human hands for over a hundred years. As have I. What about me? Is it wrong to crave recognition?”

“You are already dead, so your obituary, perhaps. You’ll never be Alucard.”

Integra stepped back from the vampire, trying to catch him by surprise. She drew her pistol from behind her back shooting him.

“Kill me. Do it,” he practically grinned. She had not caught him by surprise. The look on Possenti’s face was satisfied; he collapsed forward when the bullet hit him in the leg, and then the second one hit him in his chest. His seal, not placed on his heart, could not protect him easily. His shadows lashed out towards her, extending even as he began to disintegrate, a few cutting into her skin, he made a sound of displeasure when Integra’s blood made contact with him.

“Dracula… again,” he murmured as he began to turn to ash and he was destroyed.

Integra did not think, running into the living room. She couldn’t even think of how many bullets she had left as she made it to the living room, met with a smiling Blasius in Erin’s form again and she shot at them.

“You cannot kill me with your bullets. Did you not learn the first time? And yet, you’ve killed my pet vampire. I should not be surprised. How?”

Integra shot again, the silver bullet having no effect as Blasius had claimed. She cursed unintelligibly, “I will find a way to kill you.”

“I am already nearly able to bring vampires to the day. I will capture your vampire after I have killed you.”

Integra’s gun made a familiar clicking sound, the magazine empty now. Integra drew her sword in a last offense, thrusting it towards Blasius. Blasius was slowly inching towards the window and front door.

“I never miss. You and your dead vampire are like children.”

“You missed the first time, and you continue to miss me. Are we not all the children of God?” Blasius smiled as Integra swung at them again, drawing a long knife to defend themselves.

“Vampires are destined for damnation,” Integra continued.

“As all are warmongers.”

“I was with yours you know. You really are blind to your vampire’s loyalty, she almost saw through me. What was it like for her, I wonder-” they goaded.

At the mention of Seras, Integra swung at them angrily until Blasius slipped through the opening of the window transforming into a bird, still holding onto the knife. Integra cursed, running for the door, unlocking it and running into the yard after Blasius. Blasius rematerialized to Seras’s form, shadow arm and all. They were smiling again and wielding the knife.

“I will be the Angel to end Hellsing,” they declared proudly, “A saint. I said I will not end you before. I have changed my mind. I do not need Hellsing’s knowledge.”

“Get here,” she said, “I’m going to finish this.”

“Perhaps I should let you hit me, so you will see your blade has no impact.”

“If I inflict enough damage you will finally die,” she thrust her sword again into Blasius, and it sunk easily. She pulled it right back out to dodge their knife, “Your vampire is not here to protect you.”

“And yours is not either. A loss I will soon recoup. I should have strangled you at the beginning and let Possenti drain your life.”

Integra jabbed again, missing this time when the shapeshifter took the opportunity to stab at her arm, barely missing and placing a deep scratch. Integra tried not to wince at the shooting pain before Blasius made another attempt, blocking them this time. Police sirens came into the distance, and Blasius grinned, “Shame if they were to see you attacking an innocent.”

Integra cursed again. “What did you do?”

“They still believe Erin Starling was abducted,” Seras’s blonde hair slowly darkening as they begin to slowly change their appearance back to Erin’s.

Integra plunged her sword straight into Blasius, trying to push them back into the ground. “You are not Erin Starling.”

“You’re right. I killed her.” Blasius grinned now that Integra was on top of her, pushing her sword with no success into them. They stabbed Integra in the stomach with their knife, reforming into a bird, shifting out of her grip. As the shapeshifter escaped, the knife remained. Integra cursed, as blood began to pour out of her stomach, and she collapsed into the grass. One thought lingered as she shut her eyes - Seras.

## 1996 - Hellsing Mansion

Walter saw the red-clothed vampire carrying Integra, looking unconcerned as he came into view of the mansion. Her blonde hair streaked with blood, and clothes equally soaked. He extended his wires threateningly. If the family vampire hurt Miss Integra, he would find a way to kill Alucard. Or at least cause him unimaginable pain for as long as possible.

“What did you do? She looks dead, Alucard.” He demanded, trying to remove Integra from his arms.

“She is alive.”

“What did you do?” the Angel of Death demanded again.

“She will survive,” he repeated, “The Hellsings will always survive.” He handed her into Walter’s arms.

When Walter brought Integra in, he found no wounds, even though she did not wake. He had initially suspected Alucard had turned Integra at the discovery, however there were no bite marks. Much to his frustration, Alucard provided no explanation except for that he had protected Integra, and when Integra woke, she had no memory of what had occurred. Walter swore Alucard grinned at him when she did.

## 22 October 2000 6:29 pm - Blasius’s House

Police officers, EMTs and Hellsing’s personnel arrived at the scene minutes from each other to a single concerned onlooker screaming as they found Integra. She had called the police due to gunfire. The police officers encouraged the woman to join them, pulling her away from Integra’s body bleeding out over the grass. Allowing Officer Lawson and the EMTs to make their way to Integra, turning her over, trying to stop the bleeding.

“She needs to go to the hospital now,” one of the medics said, shifting her in an attempt to stop the bleeding. The knife remained in the grass, surrounded by Integra’s blood.

Lawson gestured to one of the squad leaders, “Go and investigate, take over. I’m going with Sir Integra to the hospital.”

“I think she’s going in to shock,” the medic said, discarding the knife in a biohazard bag. Before Lawson could finish her discussion, they had made their way quickly to the ambulance, leaving the squad leader behind.

Once in the ambulance, they pulled away her clothes, exposing the complete depth of the wound and applying various monitors to her. Lawson could only watch as both EMTs and Hellsing medics crammed into the vehicle trying to further assess the damage and stabilize her.

"Call the hospital to warn them we have a trauma..."

"She's not bleeding fast..."

As they made their way to the hospital, Integra slipped into consciousness briefly to the conversations above her. Her good eye flicked open. She could see Lawson above her, and more clearly hear the sound of the machines, the whir of sirens, and Blasius’s last words echoing.

“Blas…”

“You’re going to go in shock, sir. Please lay still.”

“Seras…” she said, with more urgency, straining against the hold of the medics.

“Her heart rate is increasing, Lawson. She needs to relax, or we’ll have to chemically sedate her.”

Integra responded with greater distress, trying to warn Lawson of the shapeshifter. She needed Seras. One of the medics came up closer to Integra’s face, slipping an oxygen mask over her face.

“The guard is there, Integra. Please relax,” Lawson said, in a tone that would usually be reassuring, but Integra continued to try to fight against the mask, trying to speak to Lawson. In response, she found herself being restrained, and something being injected into her arm before darkness enveloped her again.

## 22 October 8:00 pm - final personal report by Officer Lawson

Sir Integra Hellsing has been incapacitated by an unknown assailant, likely Kevin Marcy, who had been reported to be a vampire by herself. He remains at large and our surveillance of Erin Starling has been impossible, due to our inability to locate her. Sir Jackson has taken over, temporarily until Sir Hellsing regains consciousness. I still do not know the fate of Senior Officer S. Victoria, but I suspect with another attack her termination will be postponed.

Both police and our forces were able to completely sweep the property and find evidence of (a likely singular) vampiric (N.H.B.) presence. Both of Hellsing’s guards were found drained of their blood, and likely strangled, similar to the attacks allegedly completed by Senior Officer S. Victoria. Both guard’s next of kin have been contacted and will be taken care of. A lack of evidence, however, is making continuing an investigation without Sir Hellsing’s witness.

On the attacks occurring in the Tweentown Forest, the next of kin for all parties have been contacted. Cheddar Police (and Sir Jackson) are pushing for a conviction of Senior Officer S. Victoria for the murder of the three victims. Due to the supernatural nature, it would usually fall into Hellsing’s jurisdiction but given the fact that S. Victoria is one of the accused. I personally remain unsure of whether K. Marcy or S. Victoria is responsible for the deaths, but I believe upon Integra waking we will have answers.

## 23 October 2000 8:44 pm - St. Andrew’s Hospital

Integra woke, immediately starting to shake slightly from both the chill and slight weakness as she tried to sit up. She recognized the blurry bright white room even without her glasses as a hospital. The sensations of a hospital were familiar: the squeeze of compression on her legs, the sensation of a mask on her face, the thin sheets, layers of blankets and the smell of disinfectant. The sounds of both monitors and her own breathing against the mask. A veil of painkillers did little to dull the faint ache that spread throughout her body, still present as a reminder of the events that had transpired. She tried to move again but found her limbs heavy.

"Please stay still or we'll have to sedate you again,” a nurse, who was a blurry green person in her vision now, tapped her shoulder to get her attention, “Let me put on your glasses for you.” She saw her glasses being brought up to her face, instantly clearing her vision. The nurse also pulled away the mask, allowing her to speak.

“Where is Lawson… I need to talk to her,” she tried to sit up, her voice cracking, “And Jackson.”

“Lay back down. Do you know where you are? This isn't the first time you've woken up."

"Hospital?"

"St. Andrew's Hospital. You are recovering from being stabbed and emergency surgery, miss. You're very lucky the trauma surgeon was on-call. Please relax. I will call your commanding officer for you, that you are awake and alert."

“Thank you,” she did not bother to correct the nurse, looking down at the hospital gown that covered a thick dressing on her abdomen and the thinner wrappings on her arms that accompanied an IV. She hoped the nurse had gone to make phone calls for her; moments later, a CNA came in, taking her vital information down.

“Hello, Miss Hellsing,” she sat down in the chair next to her, “I'm going to be taking down the information for the nurse and for the attending physician later. You’re awake! How are you feeling?”

“I feel tired, and drained.”

The CNA continued with what felt like an endless barrage of questions about her condition until the original nurse returned, “I was able to contact Officer Lawson. She’ll be in shortly.”

“Thank you.”

“Carrie,” She gestured for the CNA to leave, “Miss Hellsing, you are required to stay here until we know for certain the stitches won’t re-open.”

“What’s the damage?”

“Bad,” she said, grabbing the chart the CNA had left, “I wasn’t here for your intake. Whoever brought you in managed to stop the bleeding; you had significant blood loss and required a small transfusion. You’re on antibiotics to prevent infection… you’ve woken up briefly a few times. As I said earlier, we've been keeping you sedated to prevent you from causing further damage. We also treated the wound on your face.”

Integra grimaced audibly at the information, “I don’t remember.”

“That’s fairly common.”

“What… day is it?”

“Twenty-third of October. Monday. You were brought in yesterday, as I said, and we've kept you relatively sedated."

Integra groaned, relaxing back into the bed.

“Also, you’ll be on a liquid diet for a while to prevent damaging your abdomen any further. Are you hungry?”

“No.”

The nurse continued to explain to her the extent of the emergency surgery on the wound, her treatment plan, and the setup of the hospital room. Preferable to the previous barrage of questions, but just as damning. Apparently, Lawson had insisted Integra have a single hospital room, for which she was grateful; she was even more grateful when Lawson came in, interrupting the nurse. The officer looked incredibly tired.

“Officer Lawson,” she said, looking at the substantial pile of paper in her hands with concern.

“Sir Integra. Can I please speak to her privately, ma’am?”

The nurse nodded, leaving them, "I will be back in an hour for rounds. Please press the call button if you need anything."

“That house is the worst thing a lot of these men have seen since London. Two of our men were found dead and their next of kin have been contacted. And there’s no sign of Kevin Marcy. What happened?”

Integra inhaled sharply, a mistake given the sharp pain in her abdomen, but it helped her gather her thoughts. She repeated what had happened to Lawson in a clinical tone, void of emotion. “Kevin Marcy does not exist. Neither does Erin Starling. It was all a trap. Amateur, but I did not expect it, even after yesterday. Kevin was actually ‘Possenti,’ an Alucard-obsessed freak vampire… nevermind. I believe I killed him. Erin Starling does not exist. It is a shape-shifting freak…” Integra choked slightly as her throat was already growing sore, “Was I intubated by one of your men?”

“You started going into shock when we sedated you, and when you arrived at the hospital they intubated you prior to surgery."

Integra nodded, trying to think clearly again, “Blasius. Their name is Blasius… They’re some kind of shapeshifter. I went to investigate. They were both there and caught me off guard. I killed Possenti. Blasius escaped… they’re not affected by silver bullets or my sword.”

“Do you think a stake would work?”

“I honestly don’t know..” she said, “I need to recover quickly. Where is Seras?”

“Still in Cheddar Jail.”

“Is she taken care of?”

“I don’t know, sir…” she admitted, “I haven’t had a break. We are still completing the investigation of the three teenager’s murders.”

“I need her to be freed and brought to me.”

“Do you believe the Convention will allow it?”

“Allow it? Seras is Hellsing’s-”

“Integra, the whole Convention is involved now. The government is involved now. Seras is being held responsible for the deaths of the teenagers since there are no witnesses.”

Integra’s heart rate audibly raised on the monitor, she inhaled deeply again, “It wasn’t her, it was them. I need to get her out, Lawson. I need her out.”

“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll let the Convention know you’re awake.”

“Thank you,” she said, looking up at the ceiling. Lawson set the papers on the side table.

“This is documentation of all of the evidence. All of it is at the mansion, and we’ve obtained some military assistance and set up makeshift barracks. I will return tomorrow,” she said, before leaving.

Integra found herself alone. She wished for some kind of company besides nurses offering meal replacements and water, the visiting of environmental services, and the checking her vitals, while she poured over the papers, it was pages and pages of black and white photos of Blasius’s belongings with descriptions. As the evening passed into early morning, she found herself in her thoughts until falling asleep, papers scattered across her lap.

## 24 October 2000 8:00 am - St. Andrew’s Hospital

Integra woke to a nurse with a bottle with a straw on one side, at her side, tapping her shoulder gently to wake her up.

“Miss Hellsing, you need to try to drink this. It’s a meal replacement. Officer Lawson called to say she should be in shortly.”

Integra took the bottle and drank the unpleasant liquid, the nurse checking her vitals again. By the time she was done with finally stopping the IV machine from beeping irritably, and Integra finished the drink, Lawson had arrived. “I will be back with the doctor later to check your wound,” the nurse left.

“I cannot retrieve Seras. They refused to release her to me, regardless of what security I could provide. I was not even allowed to see her. The government and Convention has deemed her too high a risk, especially with you incapacitated as her superior.”

“I need to see her,” she insisted, trying to sit up only to feel pain radiate through her. She collapsed back on the pillow.

“Sir Integra, I will persist. But there are more important priorities from the government, to find and disable Blasius.”

Integra tried to gather her thoughts but still felt like she was muttering to herself when she spoke. “Blasius is trying to get Seras. I believe their goal was to have Seras to be arrested, to frame her so they could get to me. They can shapeshift. They were there the first night, probably when Seras had detected something,”

Lawson nodded, trying to be understanding, “I would prefer Seras here as well. I have not worked as a liaison before, as I am now. I am loyal, but I joined Hellsing for rebuilding, investigation, and medical efforts, not to be involved in violence. I’ve lost men, Sir Integra.”

Integra regarded the comment and looked up at the ceiling again. “I understand if you wish to resign, Lawson.”

“I will not, however, you do need to get a professional liaison.”

“Have Sir Jackson or someone else from the convention come to speak to me.”

Lawson left with a nod, leaving Integra to wade through her thoughts again until both doctor and nurse returned to check her wound. They pulled back the foam and layers of moist gauze. The clean stitches concealed the internal trauma. Redressing the wound, the doctor consulted her seriously about recovery time, commenting that although she was healing unusually fast, she would still require ongoing care.

To Integra's irritation, they did not intend to release her for at least several days. In her view, she needed to get out of the hospital; there were far greater concerns, like the limited number of guards Hellsing had to deal with situations of supernatural beings, let alone non-vampire non-humans. She did not argue with the doctor on that matter and pressed for her ability to do things in a wheelchair instead, at least offering her mobility. The doctor obliged the request but stated she would have to wait at least another day. The nurse finished checking her vitals again, and left as well, leaving Integra with her pile of paperwork. Integra grabbed the pile of papers, returning to sorting through them for evidence that would be helpful.

-

Integra’s unusually slow work was interrupted later in the afternoon by Sir Jackson and a few other select younger members of the Convention filing into her room. Sir Zachary Penwood had brought a vase of flowers, setting it by her bed.

“Sir Hellsing,” one of them started, before being cut off.

“Why has Seras Victoria not been allowed to visit as per my request?”

“Integra,” Sir Jackson cut her off before she could continue, “your pet vampire has been designated as a threat by both the Convention and the Queen. Your vampire will be tried for her crimes, and we will take care of terminating her.”

“Sir Jac-”

To Integra’s irritation, she was cut off again, “We will also continue the investigation with regards to what happened two days ago when you were stabbed.”

Integra gazed back up at the ceiling again. It had already been two days since Blasius had stabbed her and Seras was taken in custody. “It was not Seras who attacked those boys, Jackson. It was the same creature that stabbed me.”

“And yet that creature is missing, Integra. And we obtained footage from the Vatican, and of the attempted arsonist. Seras was clearly seen attacking you. That individual resembles Alucard. You cannot continue to manipulate the government to cover-up for your vampire’s actions.”

“It was not her,” she insisted, trying to sit upright again, “How did you get footage from the Vatican? It was another freak. Alucard is gone.”

“We received your report from your officer, Integra,” another voice continued as she stared at the ceiling tiles again, “You lost two men, and found another vampire, the one impersonating Alucard. You still do not evidence that you killed that vampire, or of the other creature’s existence besides this wound.”

“Do you doubt me? Do you doubt my commitment to Hellsing’s legacy?” she said, looking at the gentleman who questioned her commitment, sitting upright even as pain shot through her, “How dare you question me.”

“Then, you wish to find and destroy the culprit, even if it is Seras Victoria?”

“Yes.”

The men seemed pleased with her response and left, Sir Penwood only staying briefly to wish her well once more. He still had a great respect for Integra unlike the rest of the younger men on the Convention; she wished him well also, grateful his father’s commitment to Hellsing continued through him.

## 24 October 2000 7:45 pm- St. Andrew’s Hospital 

Integra tried to be strong after the men had left but instead found herself at a loss. She had not only contradicted herself but was increasingly confused by her actions. She desired to believe Seras, but only because of her humanity. In the same breath, she would willingly condemn her.

The Battle of London had changed her, yes, when she had called out to Alucard as he had disappeared. The events had changed many things. But, that certainly not been the start of her willingly letting ‘creatures of damnation’ so close.

She thought how ironic it was that Alucard told her she was a fearless little girl. Imagining what the ancient vampire would say as she faced her own mortality and fears. She was a scared little girl, chained by history. She shut her eye, a single tear falling down her cheek as she fell into a restless sleep.

## 24 October 2000 6:08 pm - Cheddar Jail

After Integra had left her, Seras cried her usual human-looking clear, salty tears. However, as time progressed, her tears had become dark and bloody. Now, a crust remained around her eyes, flaking away as it dried. Instead of crying, she whimpered, occasionally writhing to try to cope with the pangs of hunger and burning of the blessed silver shackles. She was unable to regenerate from the burns; she was equally unable to escape or to find meaningful rest without her coffin. She could not even claw at herself in the manner in which her hands were restrained. She kept reminding herself she had been ordered to stay; she could not help but feel Integra had abandoned her. Sir Jackson had not come to feed her. She had kept these cuffs on her. Her thoughts teased the painful concept that Integra was leaving her here, and she still could not comprehend what had happened.

Whether from lack of sleep or hunger, her taunting thoughts became something more frightening. Hallucinations. Something she was unaware vampires could experience. Pip Bernadotte coming teasingly in and out of her vision; not her familiar but an illusion. He could not escape the silver chains. His voice, however, would still occasionally surface when Seras could no longer restrain him from entering her mind, trying to calm her unhinged state. She would immediately try to repress him again, and he seemed to eventually fade.

A vision of Integra would occasionally enter her sight, only to disappear when her eyes would focus. Helena would appear, chastising her for not leaving the bindings of Hellsing sooner. She would hallucinate a river of blood, consuming her wholly to quench her thirst. She would hallucinate her master, Alucard. He would appear to her, offering his blood to her so that she may walk free of both Integra and him, no longer a servant vampire, and to quench her thirst. Apparitions of him breaking her free from the blessed chains.

She tried to shut her eyes to escape them, only to find her mind assaulted with similar visions and voices, which were far less bearable without reality to see around her.

_“All right Seras, listen to me closely. You must not come out of here, no matter what.”_

She tried to rest again in vain, but only found uneasiness and anxiety. She longed for the safety of her coffin.

_“Stay here, Seras.”_

Integra’s orders joined the uprising of horrors that nothing could protect her from.

_“You are to stay here, in custody.”_

The commands were burned into her very essence.

_‘Bist Gehorsam.’_

As though even if these cuffs were removed, she would still inevitably be bound here until Integra wished for her freedom.

_'You are enamored by...'_

That perhaps, if she obeyed and stayed for long enough, her master would wish for her freedom.

Her words of accusation still stung, that Integra still only saw her as a freak, a vampire incapable of control. Of course, Integra would never trust her.

_‘Nosferatu-diener Seras Victoria.’_

Unreality consuming her only made trying to comprehend what had happened more difficult; three lonely days of isolated contemplation unveiled no answers to the Draculina. And as night fell again. she still found no peace in wakefulness.

## 1993 - Hellsing Mansion

Integra supposed Walter would accuse her of being foolish, venturing so regularly into the vampire’s lair in the basement; she had learned to regard Alucard’s and Walter’s relationship as one of both mutual understanding and distrust. When Walter had spoken of the foolishness of allowing him such free access to the mansion in both their presences, Alucard had merely laughed at him, claiming it was not foolishness by fearlessness that ran in her veins. That she even tried to find the humanity in him.

Regardless of which fueled her, she came down the stairs, unafraid and light-footed. She flicked the lights on, the few bulbs that still worked flickering on as she went deeper into the sublevels. She pushed open the door to what had once been a dungeon, but now held his coffin, and the throne he would sit at for hours a day when nothing was going on. She would sometimes encounter him sleeping, and apparently, today was no exception. She could never tell if he was pretending to sleep or not when she would come in.

Integra set the two blood bags down on the table, wondering if he would rouse. He was slumped forward in his chair, tinted glasses and hat covering his face. Integra reached forward curiously, pulling the hat off. He looked almost docile and human while he was asleep; however, something was amiss. A dark fluid was coming from his eyes, almost like he was crying. When she touched his face to investigate, his eyes flew open, looking at her. She pulled her hand back on instinct.

“Master-”

“What’s-”

“Nothing of concern, my master,” he said, voice smooth.

“Are you crying?” she reached into her suit pocket, finding a handkerchief. For once she was grateful Walter engrained in her to carry one at all times. She reached to try to wipe them.

“Master, do not concern yourself.”

“You are crying, Alucard.”

The vampire did not respond to her, as she reached with the handkerchief to wipe under his eyes. She had never seen the centuries-old creature cry; she had seen her vampire sleep before in his throne, in his coffin. She had seen him take countless bullet wounds, decapitated, and blown to pieces. Never as vulnerable as this.

“Nightmares?”

“Something like that, as I said, do not concern yourself, master.”

Integra wiped away the rest of the residue of tears, pondering the ancient creature’s words.

“I am your master, I choose what I want to be concerned about, servant.”

 _Perhaps you are a fool._ Alucard laughed bitterly, looking at the young, naive Hellsing heir, “Indeed you do, my master.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts: Possenti is named for St. Gabriel Possenti, the patron saint of handguns. Even though he was destroyed, he will continue to be a key point of the story!  
> Blasius is named for the patron saint of throat diseases, and uses they/them pronouns consistently through the rest of the story.  
> Erin Starling's appearance is heavily inspired by Boabansith ("laura" from Gonzoverse)!  
> 


	7. I Won't Freeze You Out (Like I Have Been)

_ I won't freeze you out, I'm gonna let you in _

_And I won't freeze you out, like_ _I have been_

_ I won't freeze you out, my heart is melting _

_ So here's my heart for you to hold _

_ Feel it beat, feel the warm blood flow through my cold _

_ Feel it thaw out _

_ Yeah, I've felt the fear but I push through _

_ It's so worth loving you, you wanted more _

_ And so I thawed out _

_ Freeze You Out - Sia _

##  November 1999 - St. Michael’s Church (2 months after Zeppelin Incident)

Blasius descended into the basement below the church, having taken the form of a priest. They had traveled here with one purpose, to retrieve that which had been sealed below the brickwork upon which the church was built in 1861. They tossed their journal aside and began prying bricks off of the floor, breaking the crumbling mortar apart until a large patch of dirt was exposed. If the notes in the journal were correct, the vampire their father Gabriel had buried should be here, although Blasius certainly ignored the note to leave the vampire buried there. 

They were certain of their choices, having already spent years reading legends of vampires; they had no doubts after seeing the leaked footage of the Zeppelin Blitz. Years of shapeshifting as a creature of the day had become boring, and the excitement of an immortal vampire had relit the flame of excitement in the relatively young Gestaltwandler.

They took the hand trowel and began removing dirt, exposing some wood. Blasius grinned excitedly. He was still here. The wood had hardly decayed. It took some time, but eventually, Blasius was able to expose the whole coffin. They did not even bother to dig any further, and used the previously discarded pry bar to begin removing the wooden lid. Inside laid a gray, dry, and shrunken humanoid, wrapped in black silk. An area around a black marking on his neck was the only part that had not withered. Blasius smiled, cutting their hand with the golden blade, letting the blood run off on to the withered body.

Slowly, the vampire’s body began to reacquire life-like flesh, to Blasius’s delight. They grinned, pouring out more of their blood before wrapping their hand to stop the bleeding. The vampire began to reanimate, sitting up in the coffin.

The vampire had short brown hair and a wild grin that matched Blasius’s. He crawled out of the coffin, reaching to grab Blasius by the collar “You are not Gabriel? His child perhaps?” He licked the creature’s bitter blood off his lips again, “You are not even human…”

“I am the descendent of Gabriel, Blasius. That is all that matters. And you were his servant. You are mine now.”

“A shapeshifter?” he said, grinning more wildly, setting Blasius back down.

“Your name is Possenti, yes?”

“That is the name your ascendant gave me, master. If I may ask, what year is it, master.”

“1999.”

“I have slept for one-hundred and thirty-eight years, master. I am thirsty, master.”

Blasius sighed. They had not taken into account the vampire’s thirst; they did not want to damage this form any farther. The vampire had waited over a century to be raised and could wait longer.

“I will deal with that shortly. You were buried in 1861 before Gabriel passed, why?” They wanted answers. There was still the issue of missing journals and some entries that had been torn out.

“Yes, master. For my failure to destroy Dracula, master, I will not fail you if that is your reason for awakening me.”

“He is already defeated, Possenti. I have raised you for my own purposes.”

##  25 October 2000 8:07 am - St. Andrew’s Hospital

Integra looked outside the window at the bright light of the sunrise. Her mind passed the time watching the orange leaves flitting across the road waiting for Lawson to get in the driver’s seat. A strange calm had washed over her, even in the past day’s events and the lack of restful sleep the night before. She had decided for herself what must be done; she needed to retrieve Seras herself.

Perhaps the calm was because the morning had brought many blessings. For one, Integra had been moved to a wheelchair, per her request for more mobility with less assistance. The doctor had approved her conditional release (for 'official government purposes'), and mandated she return by mid-afternoon; she had even been able to move out of a hospital gown to a set of somewhat normal clothes. Lawson picked her up, and was visibly calmer and well-rested. Lawson moved her into the vehicle with some assistance, and the wheelchair was placed in the back of the military vehicle. It was Lawson who broke the silence.

“You are sure you want me to take you to Cheddar Jail?”

“Yes.”

##  25 October 2000 8:29 am - Cheddar Jail

“She has been fed, correct?” Integra asked the Hellsing-associated guard that stood outside the cell, having pestered nearly all of the jail’s staff to obtain the key to the door. Considering Seras was under the custody of the Hellsing Organization, it should have been easier, but Sir Jackson had decided to involve himself and speak in her absence. At least, if she took Seras with her she would not have to argue on the way out. She made a mental note to confront the absent Sir Jackson about this later.

The guard shrugged, “The Convention said they’re responsible, we aren’t to enter, sir. I don’t know if they have.”

Integra didn’t respond, clenching her teeth; the Convention had been speaking for her in her absence. Either way, she would receive her answer shortly. She ordered Lawson to open the door, and Integra wheeled herself in. What they both saw was a sight to behold.

Seras rolled to look at both of them, within the confines of the chains. The delirious young vampire was not emaciated, but visibly paler and slimmer from not feeding or sleeping for several days. And from her body repeatedly trying to heal while still in the confines of silver. Neither human could see the damage to her psyche, or how Seras had spent the past several days. Only the physical evidence, the smell of burned flesh and iron that laid heavy in the air. Integra wheeled herself closer, her reaction unreadable.

Seras focused on her master wheeling herself towards her. She could smell Integra’s blood underneath her loose clothes and the blanket draped across her. Integra closed the distance and Seras rose to a kneeling position, straining against the silver chains. She was practically drooling when Integra stopped right out of reach. Seras swallowed, leaving her mouth dry and parched again.

“Master.” 

“Lawson. Get some blood right now. If they don’t have blood bags available, I swear to God I will feed Sir Jackson to her myself as soon as I find him,” Integra said, trying not to let her voice crack as she gathered her thoughts. Lawson had already ran out of the room when Seras spoke again.

“Master…” her voice pleaded, interrupting Integra’s thoughts again. Seras wasn’t sure what she was pleading for this time. For Integra’s compassion, love, or for blood. Had she been more lucid, she would have likely realized the answer was ‘all of the above,’ but that escaped her now as she pulled against the chains again.

“I know, Seras…”

Integra’s voice nearly cracked. Now that they were alone, she was overwhelmed by a flurry of emotions that the safety of her hospital stay prevented her from experiencing. A twisting of guilt from the weight of her choices and contradictions. She condemned her vampire. Her servant. Her companion. She had condemned herself first for being attracted to a woman and pushed Seras away. And with Alucard gone, she condemned Seras for being a vampire at every opportunity and condemned her again and again when asked. She would offer her hand, only to snatch it away when the vampire would reach for it. She condemned Seras for doing as she was told. Seras suffered for the sake of her pride to the Convention, to the organization, to her family line, and to her personal pride.

Her father’s words were choking her, metaphorically, like Blasius’s hot hands around her neck. The Hellsing’s doctrine she had spent her whole life holding on to was now holding her down. That vampires did not deserve to exist, and that to act in any other way was to be a failure to her bloodline. As a woman to remain chaste, or to marry a man to continue the Hellsing’s bloodline. With the way Seras was pleading, she was sure both her father and grandfather would be proud of her actions, but she only felt the gaping emptiness of failure in her chest.

They were silent now, Integra gazing into Seras’s hungry eyes. She could certainly blame Sir Jackson for not feeding her, but she had condemned Seras at the beginning. Seras had followed her orders, all the way into these chains.

“I can’t find Sir Jackson, or any—” Lawson returned empty-handed, interrupting Integra’s contemplation.

“Come here, Lawson.”

“Sir, I’m not going to—”

“Not you. Cut my finger.”

“Sir Integra!”

“Do it, Lawson. Or I’ll do it myself.”

Lawson stayed back. Integra considered her options briefly, and her current lack of armaments, except for her pistol. She removed her silver tie pin, which was pinned on the collar of the loose shirt, using the pointed end to prick her finger, before putting it in the front shirt pocket.

“Don’t bite.”

Seras nodded and held her mouth open as Integra maneuvered the wheelchair closer. Seras strained against the chains when Integra’s hand extended towards her. Integra pressed her finger to Seras tongue until Seras latched on, sucking. They both held steady, Seras swallowing Integra’s type A blood, rich and warm on her tongue. When she pulled her mouth away with one final lick, the bleeding stopped from the pinprick wound. She looked at Integra, eyes still full of emotion.

Integra caressed Seras’s face, trying to wipe away the dark crimson flakes of dried tears. Both didn’t notice Sir Jackson entering the cell. Seras strained against the cuffs, somehow burning the blackened skin more, generating a hiss.

“I did as you ordered. I have stayed…”

“I’m sorry for leaving you here,” Integra whispered, looking into the red eyes of the vampire again. Seras turned her head to the side, leaning into Integra’s touch, interrupted by a tell-tale click.

“Sir Integra, what is the meaning of this?”

“You did not feed her, as per my request.”

“She is—”

“What, Sir Jackson?” she snapped.

“You agreed to have the vampire be tried as a threat to Queen and country, Miss Hellsing.”

Something unhinged in Integra in that moment, that Sir Jackson dare spit her words back out at her. “I know what I said. Refer to me as Miss Hellsing one more time, Sir Jackson, and you will be her next meal. You agreed to feed her. I am disappointed in you, and so would your father. The creature that attacked me is not human nor vampire and can take on anyone’s form, including a vampire’s, if you bothered to read the report. If you wish to try her still, that can be arranged when this is dealt with. Now, I suggest you get the keys for these cuffs quickly.”

“Your father would be ashamed of you as well, from what I know. And I am holding the gun.”

“I am not my father.”

Seras hissed audibly and could see Integra holding her pistol out of Sir Jackson’s line of sight. Her other hand still rested on Seras’s face. Lawson had pulled her pistol, aiming it at Jackson. 

“The keys, Jackson,” Integra repeated.

“I took the keys to protect England. There are guards outside. I will not allow you to free your—”

“You are correct on that matter. Seras Victoria is mine, Jackson. Hellsing decides when she is imprisoned and when she is freed. I decide when she bleeds. I decide if she starves or feeds. Not the Convention, and certainly not you. My commitment to Hellsing’s mission and the Queen remains absolute. You do not run Hellsing. How do you intend to defend the country against a creature like Blasius?”

Had Integra looked at Seras in that moment, she would see her admiring eyes wide awake and glowing red with excitement still; an ache for Integra filled her chest, and a burning passion to follow Integra. Blood was the currency of the soul, and Integra's was incredibly rich. She felt stronger and complete, if only briefly, from feeding.

“No, but I can shoot this one.”

“Can you really make a deadly shot, Sir Jackson?” she said, “Drop your gun, Sir Jackson and stop making us both look like fools.”

”I will not—”

“Drop the gun,” Lawson said, “or I’ll alert security.”

Sir Jackson dropped his gun, “I am still not giving you the keys.”

“I’m not going to give you a choice, Sir Jackson. Lawson, if you feel comfortable, they should be in his front suit pocket.”

Lawson looked at Integra and then Jackson, returning to her pistol to its holster. Sir Jackson looked significantly more nervous, and reached into his own pocket, tossing the keys towards Lawson, “Here.”

Lawson came close, but not within arm’s reach of either Integra or Seras, tossing them into Integra’s lap. “Please escort Sir Jackson away before I decide to feed him to Seras.”

Seras backed up to reduce the tension on the shackles, and Integra came closer, first unlocking them from Seras’s wrists. She slid them away, attempting to be gentle; Seras’s gloves were burned away; her hands were red and black where shadows leached through, particularly on her shadow arm.

“I can’t reach your feet, Seras,” she said. She knew the keys would burn Seras’s hands further, as they were made of blessed silver; Hellsing had considered everything in the design of these to contain vampires.

Even so, Seras reached for the keys, instantly hissing in her hands. She moved quickly to unlock the leg shackles, the smell of burning flesh hitting her nose as her hands burned; it was not unlike an animal chewing its own leg off to free itself from a trap. Finally turning the key, and with a pull, the shackles fell away, revealing the equally burned ankles, and she dropped the keys. The burns were healing, albeit slowly. Seras stood with equal slowness.

“You’re real…” she said, wrapping her arms around Integra’s shoulders, mind focused on seeking out Integra who had just fed her, “Please take me home.”

“I can’t take you home,” she reached a hand up to touch Seras’s still partially-burned hand.

“Please, master.”

“I can find a way to give you rest, but I cannot take you back to the mansion now,” she said.

“Please, master,” she said, the words like a mantra now, her injured hand interlacing with Integra’s, and this time, Integra didn’t pull away. Seras found the gesture soothing in her still mildly delirious state.

Lawson returned, interrupting Seras’s fawning of her injured master. She picked up Jackson’s discarded gun. To Lawson, seeing Integra being held so closely by the freed vampire was anxiety-inducing, to say the least. She didn’t get closer; she had seen enough violence in the past several days to not want to see what would happen if she got closer to vampire.

“Sir Integra. Sir Jackson is currently calling the rest of the Convention. How would you like to proceed?”

“Coward,” Integra grimaced again, pulling her hand away from Seras’s. “He was far too willing to walk away after such… bold statements. I will deal with that shortly. Sir Jackson is an idiot, just like his father. I think it would be best for us to return to the hospital.”

“With,” Lawson gestured vaguely, “Seras?”

“Yes.”

“Won’t she,” she gestured even more vaguely this time, before tapping her neck.

“She will not feed upon humans without me allowing it,” she said, certain of that now, “If the police argue, I will remind them that I am a member of the Convention.” Seras was too tired to glare at Lawson.

“Well, then. Seras. Do you want me to wheel Integra out, or do you want to do it?”

“I can do it myself, both of you.”

##  —

Integra signed Seras out into the custody of Hellsing, and they entered the daylight. The sun would not kill Seras but it was more irritating than she remembered, draping Integra’s blanket over herself. She lurked closely to Integra and regarded Lawson with caution; she recalled the human had been one of those present at her arrest.

Once in the car, Integra watched Seras lay across the backseat in the mirror, the vampire already contorting herself to a position that was surely uncomfortable but turned her away from as much of the light as possible. She still held Integra’s blanket to cover herself. Under the blanket, Seras watched the wounds on her wrists and ankles as they healed from the burns. It seemed even the shadow nature of her left arm was reduced.

Integra did not disturb the vampire, getting on her phone. Ideally, she could procure some blood immediately from the hospital, and feed Seras more. Or Sir Jackson if he pissed her off anymore. Ashton Laboratories, the usual provider could deliver the next day, but she did not want Seras to continue to weaken.

##  25 October 2000 9:29 am - St. Andrew’s Hospital

Returning to the hospital was a non-event, and Seras trailed behind the two humans while returning to Integra’s room. While strengthened significantly by drinking Integra’s blood, the smell of blood, disinfectant, and illness was nearly overwhelming to the rest-deprived vampire who had spent the last three days in a jail cell, devoid of sensation. Integra managed to get herself back in the hospital bed with minimal assistance from Lawson who called for a nurse. Seras sat on the nearby chair, still clinging to Integra’s blanket.

“What is your plan to feed Seras?”

“It’s more important that she has a place to rest at this point. It is daytime.”

“A place to rest?”

“All vampires require a final resting place.”

Lawson looked confused still, and the nurse came in before Integra could elaborate, interrupting their discussion. The nurse came over, bringing Integra a tray, first handing her a cup of water and a smaller cup of pills “You’re being moved to oral antibiotics and painkillers.” Integra drank them down as per the nurse’s instruction.

“Any estimate on my discharge?”

“The doctor will visit you again tonight,” the nurse said. She checked the heart monitor and adjusted the blood pressure cuff before taking down Integra’s vitals. “And decide if you need further IV fluids.” The nurse provided a meal replacement, which Integra started drinking, hoping if she finished it quickly the nurse would finally leave so she could continue her discussion with Lawson. As soon as the nurse left the room and closed the door, Lawson moved on to other subjects.

“And Sir Jackson. Surely the Convention intends to penalize you by now, Sir Integra.”

“Indeed. I will deal with that. We still need to find a solution for Seras.”

“I can sleep, it’s just interrupted and I can’t stay asleep.”

“So you cannot sleep,” Integra said, sighing, “If they had fed you, you would not require sleep right now. Lawson, your men seized all of the items in that house, correct?”

“Yes.”

“There should be a coffin among the items.”

“I’ll have it brought here…”

“I want it used to transport Seras back to the manor as soon as possible. She won’t be able to sleep. But it should provide her some safety.”

“Are you going to stay here—”

“I will return to Hellsing with you, regardless of the doctor’s orders. Dr. Trevilian can meet me there, and set up for my care. The Convention is impeding our work, I’m sure they’ll come by. It is too high a risk to remain here,” she paused, “You may leave, Lawson. There is something I must discuss with Seras. Alone.”

Lawson left, leaving Integra and Seras alone in the room. Seras came over, standing beside Integra, the blanket still draped over her shoulders and head.

“Are your hands healed?”

“Yes.” Seras pulled her hands up. They were nearly healed, still faintly red at the wrists, and the usually shadowy nature of the left was reduced. Integra reached for her hand, pulling it to her chest.

“I’m sorry, Seras. I know you’re still hungry, too…”

Seras barely nodded in response, letting her hand rest, feeling Integra’s heart beating in her chest.

“I’m not just sorry for arresting you,” Integra said, “I am sorry for doubting you. For pushing you away. For being afraid. I am still afraid. I was weak.”

Seras stood still for a moment, processing Integra’s words.

“Come closer,” Integra beckoned, trying to sit up. Seras leaned in closely, looking at Integra. Integra’s hand reached under the blanket to thread her hand through the strands of Seras’s hair, pulling her face close to her. “That’s not an order. I’m sorry,” she murmured, her single blue eye looking intently into Seras’s crimson ones.

“Master,” Seras murmured in return.

“Seras,” Integra said, not sure if she wanted an answer, “I should have asked earlier. Why do you call me master?”

“You are,” Seras paused, feeling Integra’s warm breaths on her cheek, trying to find a reason. It seemed natural now, as though it had never been different. “My master’s master. As I said, I am still a servant vampire. Even so, where else would a vampire stay?” Seras paused a second time, thinking of Helena, and her lonely existence.

Integra answered before she should continue, “I ordered you into cuffs, Seras. I made accusations based on my observations, but that does not excuse my behavior.”

“I am not human,” Seras murmured, pulling away from Integra, “You believed I attacked you.”

Integra’s hand fell out of Seras’s hair, trying not to think of the memory that now joined the many painful memories she wished she could erase. Her hand found the blanket an excellent spot to grip to release tension. Although Seras was no longer as close, her hand lingered on Integra’s chest, finding the rhythm reassuring even as it sped up.

“You still believe I attacked you, don’t you?”

Integra knew she must speak, as she had demanded Seras to, but now found herself without words. Her heart raced in her chest, and she knew the vampire could both feel and hear it.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“It looked just like you, Seras. It wasn’t me you were with downtown… it was that thing. It deceived us both, and I took the bait. I killed its servant. I failed to kill it, Seras,” she gripped the blanket tightly in her hand, her words became more distressed. It was so different than when she had rattled off what had happened to Lawson with objective accuracy, “It killed those boys. It’s not just a vampire. I don’t know how to kill it.”

“Like me…it?”

“Er…shapeshifter,” she said, “It fooled both of us, Seras. I should have trusted you. It wants to know how… Abraham tamed Alucard, Seras. To enslave vampires.”

“Enslave?” Seras said although it was more of an echo of Integra’s words than a question.

“Yes,” Integra said. Seras pried Integra’s hand off the bed with her shadow hand, holding it as it relaxed, thumb running along it in an attempt to soothe Integra.

“I should not have doubted you, Seras. I’m sorry. I let my pride get in the way. I should have listened… I should have checked on you sooner.”

“I would have,” Seras didn’t finish her statement. She didn’t know if she would do the same. It did not matter, she would forgive Integra just the same. “I… forgive you.”

“I’ve been afraid for so long. I thought I wasn’t afraid, but I’ve just been running.”

“Running?” she echoed.

Integra hummed for a moment, holding Seras’s shadow hand, “I am afraid.”

“Don’t be afraid of me, please.”

“I don’t want to be.”

Seras got up, sitting on the edge of the bed, removing her hand from Integra’s chest.

“Lay with me, if you would like,” she offered.

Seras slowly leaned over, Integra moving over to make space for her on the small hospital bed, “I want to go home.”

“I know you can’t sleep,” she said, “I’m sorry. I’ll take you home, I promise.”

Seras nodded, trying to shut her eyes. The daylight was still so bright, even under the draping of the blanket. Integra brought her closer, bringing Seras’s head to her chest.

“I swear.”

The vampire, while unable to find rest, found peace for a moment in Integra’s arms.

_ You are my home. _

##  —

Seras remained curled in Integra’s hold, listening to her heartbeat. Integra remained wide awake, although now listening to the sound of the hospital. Only the nurses' rounds punctuated the hours. The afternoon came with a knock at the door, and a visit by Zachary Penwood. The man, much like his father, was slow to speak.

“Sir Penwood,” she sat up, releasing Seras from her hold.

“I should have spoken sooner, Sir Integra,” he said, sitting in the chair where Seras had previously sat, looking at both vampire and human, “I know you intend to return to the Hellsing mansion tonight. Sir Jackson is trying to bring the rest of the Convention to have you removed. Enough of them are here now for the investigation.”

“Zachary, you contacted me first,” she said, “I am grateful for that. Jackson is overstepping his bounds. I will not tolerate it any longer.”

“I do not know what you can do, Sir Integra. You need to return to London tonight. I’m willing to offer you, and your vampire to travel with me.”

“Officer Lawson—”

“I don’t think it will be safe to wait any longer, I know your vampire can bear the daylight,” he said, pulling a red pouch out of his pocket, and extending it to the vampire who was now sitting up, “Please let me take you.”

“Fine.”

At Integra’s agreement, Seras snatched it from the man, sinking her teeth into it, not bothering to properly use the tube portion of the blood bag. It was cold on her tongue as she fed on the still partially-frozen blood. She pulled away from the bag once it was completely drained, setting it on the tray that had been left beside the bed.

“Thank you, Sir Integra and Officer Victoria for your trust. I will call Lawson. We can leave immediately if you would like.”

##  —

Getting out of the hospital without being seen turned out to be far easier than any of them had expected, however, it required Seras to discard Integra’s blanket, and Integra to remove her hospital bands and put on regular shoes, and walk to the vehicle. And the careful avoidance of the staff as they made it to the elevator.

“I can carry you,” Seras offered for the umpteenth time.

“I can walk,” Integra insisted, although slowly, both determination and pain etched on her face as they got to the doors.

“I will carry you,” Seras said, deciding to ignore Integra’s protests, stronger now by the blood Zachary had given her, and picked her up bridal style. Integra was still not healed enough to fight back, and crossed her arms. Seras carried her the rest of the way to Zachary Penwood’s car, which was parked near the entrance, much to the benefit of what was left of Integra’s pride. A modest man with an equally modest car, a 1999 Navy Camry LE.

“I would usually go by helicopter, however, this is preferable right now. It’s only three hours from here to your mansion in London.”

“It’s fine, Penwood,” she said, as the vampire put her in the backseat with a gentleness most wouldn’t know vampires capable of, along with her coat and remaining belongings, before getting in beside her.

Zachary Penwood tried not to laugh at the image of the vampire who was now doting on her master, starting the car once Seras had managed to get Integra and herself safely buckled in.

At some point, early in the drive, Integra had fallen asleep to the sound of the road noise, and Seras had taken Integra’s coat and draped it over her like a blanket. Seras decided to not try to engage the usually quiet Zachary in conversation, and with her mind somewhat cleared, think about the past couple days. Integra had left her in the cell for three days; at the time, she hadn’t grasped the passage of time. No one had visited her. Occasionally, she thought she could feel the night fall because she would feel slightly stronger, but she was never sure. Not that it mattered, because she could not leave, She remembered the pain when Integra had interrogated her, and wondered of Integra’s pain while healing.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Integra leaned her head on Seras’s shoulder. Seras ran a hand through Integra’s hair. It was tangled and frizzy from laying down, and still had small amounts of dirt in it. If Zachary Penwood saw the vampire caressing Integra, he did not say anything.

##  25 October 2000 4:55 pm - Hellsing Mansion

It was evening when the Hellsing Mansion appeared on the horizon, and Integra was still asleep. Seras was slowly feeling stronger with the sun low on the horizon.

“Do you need help taking her in?” Zachary offered, breaking the silence of the drive, as they got closer to the guarded gate.

“I will take care of her,” Seras said, full of commitment.

Sir Penwood nodded, rolling down the window when the guard approached the car. “I have Sir Hellsing and Officer Victoria.”

The guard’s eyes widened, glancing back at the back of the vehicle through the open window. “I see, Sir Penwood.” Seras could see the guard run back to his post, and it made her miss the Wild Geese. On instinct, she tried to summon Pip to enter the mansion as they got closer. When she tried to manifest him, nothing happened. She could not even reach him in her mind. She tried to assure herself that the french mercenary ghost could not disappear and that perhaps it was her rest-deprived brain malfunctioning.

“Where are you?”

Zachary heard her, “Who are you talking to?”

“Ah, nothing. Sorry,” Seras said, trying to conceal her distress, unbuckling Integra now that the car was parked. She started to wake finally, as a result of Seras’s unintentional jostling as she attempted to get her out.

“Seras?”

Seras hummed in response, helping Integra out, and Integra tried to stand. She did, with some success.

“Can you grab my coat?” she gestured, leaning on the side of the car for support.

Seras nodded, grabbing the pile of Integra’s belongings, as Integra took slow steps towards the mansion. She was more steady than before. ‘Hellsings always heal fast,’ she thought, words Integra had said during one of the nurses' visits and many times before this, including after the fight with Major that had destroyed her eye.

“You need to eat,” she said, looking up at Seras as she unlocked opened the door, “There should be blood in the kitchen.”

Seras nodded, and trailed behind Integra, trying to support her still, and Integra allowed it, as they walked the long walkway towards the kitchen. They were both silent, Integra sinking into the first chair she saw. Seras took steps past her, drawn by hunger, biting straight into the first bag she grabbed, draining it quickly. Her eyes glowed faintly from the act of feeding, and she took a second one. Both plastic bags were discarded and she turned to face Integra. She looked exhausted in the bright lights of the kitchen.

“Take me downstairs to your room.”

“My room?” she turned her head slightly, and Integra got up, walking towards the door.

“I’ll call Dr. Trevilian in the morning,” she said, “You need to rest.”

“It is nearly dusk,” she followed Integra, who was walking down the hallway towards the door to the basement.

“And you have been away from your coffin for three days.”

Seras nodded, walking past the two guards who saluted both of them, “You need to rest, too.”

“I can manage,” Integra said, opening the door to the descending stairs to the basement once they reached the door.

Seras nodded, reaching out her arm to attempt to steady Integra as she tried to go down the stairs. Integra was shaking slightly now from the difficulty of walking down the stairs, and having walked to and from the kitchen.

“I can carry you again,” she offered.

“I can walk,” Integra grimaced for a moment in frustration, but when her foot threatened to slip underneath her, she gave in, “Please.”

Seras had the human in her arms in a moment, resisting the urge to comment on the fact that Integra could ask. For now, it felt good to have fed again and the feeding gave her a brief sense of strength. “Integra, I don’t want to concern you,” she paused on the landing “Pip is missing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t been able to summon him.”

“Are you sure?”

Seras continued down the stairs, “usually releasing him in the mansion is easy. Nothing happened. He’s not in me, and he’s not in the mansion.”

“Gone?” Integra said, thinking, “I can’t think of how…”

“Maybe I am too tired,” she sat Integra back on the floor, “How will… you get back up the stairs?”

“I’m not going up the stairs tonight.”

##  25 October 2000 - Blasius’s Journal

I no longer require the last of my father’s journals. I must shed this identity as well, and it is too bad since this has been my most lovely form. Possenti had spoken that her blood had been so full of life and strengthening. I suppose it is also my opportunity to shed the remaining of humanity in me, and surrender the night to truly be a creature of the day. My absent mother would certainly be amazed to know how I’ve learned of our craft.

I am still shocked that Miss Integra was able to kill Possenti. The journal had spoken that the creature had refused to die when the celebration of life was performed. And the madness that I now clearly see, in relation to Dracula. Unable to defeat him, bending into an unholy obsession. Perhaps it was her binding to the absent Dracula that seduced him. It is of no consequence to me now. He was buried for over 100 years, and even after being trained to the day by my father, he could not leave the night.

I am going to return to London, and find a way to kill Integra. I will require services, of course, to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: "The Castle We Built Won't Cave."  
> Seras and Integra are back in the mansion, and where there are nightmares, there is a bed.  
> Thank you for your comments, kudos, subscriptions and bookmarks. I've also added a chapter so you may have noticed it moved from 12 to 13. Also, feel free to talk to me @ vampiresandvindiction on tumblr!


	8. The Castle We've Built Won't Cave

_Sleep on me, feel the rhythm in my chest, just breathe_

_I will stay so the lantern in your heart won't fade_

_The secrets you tell me, I'll take to my grave_

_There's bones in my closet, but you hang stuff anyway_

_And if you have nightmares, we'll dance on the bed_

_Kiss my lips, feel the rhythm of your heart and hips_

_I will pray so the castle we built won't cave_

_Guillotine - Jon Bellion_

## 25 October 2000 5:13 pm - Hellsing Mansion

“I’m not going up the stairs tonight.”

Seras was quickly tiring and whatever energy had been keeping her awake faded when she opened the door and saw her coffin. She didn’t even bother giving Integra a questioning look, inching towards it. She didn’t even notice when Integra followed her, and she climbed in with practiced movements. She laid across the thin, white linen that separated her from the layer of soil at the bottom. Her eyes fell shut immediately, the darkness of night not even enough to keep her awake. She didn’t even stir when Integra laid beside her in the cramped space, pulling the lid on top of both of them. In her death-like sleep, she just heard the steady beating of her master’s heart nearby.

Integra had never been inside Alucard’s - or Seras’s coffin - but found it bearable. It smelled of soil and sawdust. She would stay beside Seras’s side as she slept. _Her loyal companion._

Integra could hear, although not see as the vampire stilled, no longer even breathing in the darkness of the coffin. She had seen Alucard asleep, sure, but always in his chair. Never in the peace of his coffin. She was no longer tired, taking great comfort in knowing she could watch over Seras in her sleep. She certainly did not need her guard, but that did not stop Integra from her desire to care for the neglected vampire. It gave her time to think about all that had happened yet again.

She wondered when Seras woke and was no longer disconnected from lack of sleep and daylight if she would still stay. Would a proper feeding clear her eyes to her actions? Would Seras escape? She would not blame her, but still. What made Seras a monster? What made her human? Her mind’s wandering quickly became anxiety. The thoughts snuck up on her again. That she was in a coffin, alone with a vampire. Seras, she corrected herself. She had promised Seras not to be afraid. She refused to let Blasius or herself ruin that.

The silence and darkness of the coffin was becoming oppressive, though, and summoned the thoughts they had planted. She could hear their words practically ringing through her head.

_“Do you think Van Helsing was the only one to harness the power of vampires?”_

She stared at the darkness where she knew Seras was. If Seras had not been sleeping, she might have laughed bitterly to herself.

 _Hellsing’s darkest legacy,_ maybe. She had continued the only legacy that the Hellsings truly had, imprisoning and forcing vampires into submission. When she was younger and more naive she had insisted she would never succumb to such brutality; Alucard had laughed at her in mockery, saying all Hellsings fell into the same cycles of power and rage. 

And she had. She had finally allowed herself to lash out, and it had been Seras. Seras had completely opened, turned over and shook the pandora’s box of the doctrine she never questioned. That vampires could not be trusted, under any conditions. The thoughts only brought more upsetting thoughts at the knowledge of what Blasius was attempting to do.

Certainly, Hellsing destroyed vampires for over a century, but it was always true death they had forced upon vampires. Alucard had been the only vampire enslaved to the organization, by her grandfather when the family name was still Van Helsing. She wondered what the man whose story had been contorted over time by myth and legend would think now, seeing his descendent lying in a coffin with an unlife creature such as Seras. She pushed the thoughts away. _‘I promised not to be afraid anymore.’_

She climbed out of the coffin, trying not to disturb the vampire. She found she no longer cared about however long she had spent there and she placed a chaste kiss on the vampire’s cheek, “Sleep.”

## 26 October 2000 7:54 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Seras’s sleep was peaceful, dark and comforting, like the rainy autumn night outside. When she opened her eyes, she knew it was night time again and found a piece of stationary neatly folded beside her. She unfolded it, finding Integra’s surprisingly neat handwriting filling the page.

> Seras -
> 
> I do not know when you will wake, but I had to leave to get food, rest and clean myself up. When you are awake, and are ready, please come see me. It's not urgent, and I urge you to feed and take care of yourself.
> 
> If you require anything, please inform the guards, maid, or myself.
> 
> Sir Z. Penwood is staying with us currently, and I am told Sir Jackson is not yet aware of our return to the mansion. The man is proving to be quite a moron, which I am grateful for. Dr. Trevilian has also visited, and I am still recovering quite quickly. The man was quite irate with me for leaving the hospital, and I’m sure Officer Lawson is very concerned.
> 
> Integra

She pushed off the lid of the coffin, sitting upright. A change of clothes was folded beside it, not her usual Hellsing uniform but a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, her usual pajamas. She got up, changing out of her uniform. She could easily manifest and repair her current uniform, but the comfort of physical clothes was incredibly enticing as she slid them on, discarding her uniform where the pile of clean clothes had been. Being well-rested did not make her feel any less on edge than she had before. In fact, it was almost worse now that she was fully conscious. If she was not already dead, she was sure Pip would have made a joke about “being with the land of the living.” She missed him more than usual. Pip’s absence was unusual and mildly distressing as she let her senses extend across the house. It was as though there was nothing to manifest. Nothing to unrepress or release. Like he was gone. Still.

She stood, barefoot, going up the stairs, steps silent as she went to the kitchen, trying to avoid guards. Thankfully, the two she sensed were in an adjacent room, and not in the hallway. She finally made it to the kitchen, not turning on the lights; there was no need.

She grabbed two bags of blood, the first she incorrectly tore the tube and sank her teeth into it instead. She pulled her mouth away from the bag, tossing it into the trash can, before starting to drink from the other one from the tube like a ‘civilized’ vampire, if such a thing could exist for such solitary creatures. She tossed the second bag into the trash can. She grabbed a third, surprised at her hunger given that she had fed the night prior, drinking from it slowly this time as she walked down the hallway to Integra’s room. She could see the light glowing from under the door, and knocked, finishing the bag of blood.

“Who is it?”

“Seras-”

“Come in,” she could hear Integra on the other side, getting up and shuffling around. She opened the door. Integra’s bed was covered in scattered papers, books, and folders. Some appeared old, the paper cased in plastic protectors. Integra stood in front of her bed, dressed in loose pants and a button-down shirt, always the professional.

“You’re awake.”

“I just woke up.”

“Have you fed?”

Seras held up the flimsy plastic bag in her hand, throwing it in the trash can beside Integra’s bed as she got closer, “Yes.”

“I may end up feeding Sir Jackson to you if he shows up,” she said, only partially in jest, “Please sit.”

Seras nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Integra remained standing, taking the few steps to stand in front of Seras.

“Seras.”

“Yes?”

“I know I am very bad at talking about my feelings. I am still afraid.”

“Of me?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“I know I’ve apologized to you multiple times, Seras. I am bad at this. My mind does not see things in shades of gray. Things are either good or bad and black or white... Vampires… are bad. Affection is bad." She did not voice it, but an additional thought accompanied the statement: love is bad.

Seras waited for Integra to continue, even as the pain of the three days of isolation threatened to well up in her again. She wondered where Integra was going with this.

“But, you are not gray, Seras. You… are,” she paused, “I’ve been thinking about this since I took you out of the jail. You are color in my black and white life.” It sounded far less graceful out loud than she had imagined, but she had already committed her decision. Seras’s eyes widened at the disclosure, but Integra continued before she could interject or she lost her edge. “I don’t want to ask, but I’d really like to hold you again and lie beside you again,” there were other things that Integra wanted, but either didn’t want to ask for out of still-present shame or lack of vocabulary. She could not say love. “To be close.”

“You don’t have to ask,” she said, smiling very softly. This was what she had wanted to hear from Integra for so long. Integra’s words smothered her fears, but the edge of anxiety was still firmly embedded like a shard of glass. _Did Integra love her?_ She could hear Integra’s heart racing in her chest as she drew closer until she was standing right in front of Seras. Integra held her arms out slightly.

Seras stood, wrapping her arms around Integra, pulling her as close as possible. She looked up at Integra, glancing at Integra’s lips, asking for permission. When Integra didn’t move and almost looked dumbfounded, Seras’s face drew closer to Integra’s as she leaned upwards, nearly brushing her lips against Integra’s. She watched as Integra’s good eye shut, and Integra leaned in enough to have their lips pressed together. It was brief and light, long enough for Seras to feel the warmth of her lips. And as soon as it started, Integra pulled away, arms still loosely around Seras. At the loss of contact, Seras’s fear rekindled as quickly as it had been extinguished.

“Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” she said, still processing the kiss. She was far from present. She had confronted the thoughts when she had freed Seras, but it was far different to act than to think.

“That I belong to you… that I am your servant. You said it when speaking to Sir Jackson.”

“I…” Integra sighed, not expecting that question, “I do not know, Seras.”

 **_‘Bist gehorsam.'_** ****

“Am I not a good servant?” the words came out of her mouth before she could stop them, laced with panic.

Integra tightened her arms around Seras in an attempt to reassure her and bring her closer. The question was familiar and just as familiarly laced with vampiric intensity and fear. “No, Seras, that’s not what I meant at all.”

The words were merely fuel to the fire, Seras continued to panic, pulling her mind back to the jail cell in an instant. “I stayed, master. I stayed, please, I stayed. Please don’t…”

“Seras!” Integra yelled. Seras was squeezing her now more than was comfortable, and it took her far too long to formulate her words to calm the vampire’s panic. “You were good, Seras. You were good.”

By the time she spoke, Seras was too far gone. Even as Integra attempted to hold her, she broke away by force. Integra reached for the vampire’s arm. The gesture only seemed to cause more distress; Seras half crawled, half walked back to the head of Integra’s bed, like a cornered animal. The papers and books that had been previously strewn across the bed quickly becoming more disorganized or being knocked on the floor.

Integra tried to follow after Seras, only to see the vampire try to escape farther away. She stopped, not climbing on her bed, giving Seras space. On the head of the bed, Seras was sitting on top of the pillows, knees pulled close. She wrapped her shadow arm around herself, in an attempt to self soothe, eyes glowing slightly from underneath her bangs.

“Seras, you were good,” she repeated, although the words had no visible impact on the panicking vampire, who began to slowly phase through the headboard on instinct to escape from an unseen, unknown threat. The feeling of sinking through the wood for the first time seemed to bring the vampire back to the present, although still in the aftershocks of the flashback.

When she finally spoke, she said Integra’s name, her voice was barely audible.

“Yes.”

“Please.”

“What?”

Seras was silent again, not offering an answer to Integra.

“I’m not going to leave you, Seras.”

“I stayed,” her crimson eyes looked intently at Integra again, shadow arm still wrapped around herself.

“You are a good servant,” she assured again.

Seras seemed to be comforted by the words, finally comprehending them, “Please, hold me again.”

Integra climbed up on the bed, coming up to Seras. She climbed down from her perch and laid on her side. Integra pulled the vampire into her arms again, although it was a bit awkward because of the strange position Seras had taken when Integra pulled her close. It took her a moment, but she recognized it as the same way she had Seras restrained. Arms behind her back, legs together. 

“Oh, Seras,” she said softly, petting her hair, “I’m…” She knew apologizing could not undo the damage. “I will never force you to stay again. I hurt you. You don’t have to kiss me.”

Seras was silent in her arms, and tears started to fall from her eyes, dark and bloody. Integra brought her face to her shoulder, and Seras buried her head there. She cried freely, although still holding the same position. Seras pulled away, leaving a bloody mess on Integra’s neck and shirt.

“I’m s-”

“I promised not to be afraid, Seras,” she said, combing her fingers through Seras’s blonde hair, “I do not expect you to not be afraid of me. Do not apologize. You can speak your mind.”

Seras’s arms relaxed from their position behind her, one hand going to clutch Integra’s shirt as if she did not Integra would leave. “I was alone for three days. I forgot who I was. I just knew I had to stay,” Her words slowly gained clarity, until she reached her next words “When you ordered me,” and her voice cracked. She was afraid that the pain would return should she speak out of turn. She could not speak of it, and instead continued about what had happened when Integra returned for her, “I couldn’t even think clearly, I just remember when you fed me and just clinging to you. It’s all a blur.” She buried her head in Integra’s shoulder again.

“I ordered you,” she echoed, “I scared you.”

Seras nodded slightly, face buried in the human’s shoulder again. She wanted to be close to Integra. She loved Integra. But as she felt her body start to recall the pain again, she felt a sharp desire to escape. To be far away. She would rather Integra threaten to shoot her again. Anything but the sound of that voice. “Never again…” she said, muffled.

“As I said, I promised not to be afraid anymore, Seras. I have already shared my feelings,” she said calmly, considering her next words carefully, “I’m sorry if you felt like you had to kiss me. It was not an order.”

“I want to-” Seras stopped herself, “I just… wanted to know. I want to belong, Integra. I want you to want me…”

Integra thought carefully about her next words in order to not trigger Seras again, “I want you, Seras. I would not allow you in my bed so freely if I did not. I have never allowed another vampire into this house willingly. Please, I know it seems like such small acts to you, but you are the closest person I’ve had… in a long time”

It was Seras’s turn to sigh softly, keeping her head buried in Integra’s shoulder, “This is a mess, isn’t it?”

“Indeed.”

“I’ve wanted to kiss you, for so long, Integra... and now...”

Integra hummed uncomfortably, “I... “ she could not finish her sentence, “When you drank my blood. I thought about it.”

‘Thought about it?’ Seras wondered what in the world that meant. Thought about kissing? Touching? “Not just kiss you, Integra. I want to do other things. I want…”

“You wanted to see me naked?” she offered.

“Don’t say it like that!”

“Is that why you gawk at me in the bathtub?”

“Don’t say gawk... “ Seras laughed, wiping the remainder of her tears from her face, now more amused than anxious. It was just like before, and it was such a relief. She knew things would never be completely the same. But teasing Integra, and Integra teasing her was such a relief. Integra may pull away, but her nearness now was healing.

“Do you want to kiss me again?”

“Please.”

Integra leaned in, trying not to seem as unsure of herself as she felt, kissing Seras gently. Seras’s hand no longer gripped her shirt in fear, and rested on her chest, feeling her heartbeat beneath her shirt. Seras kissed Integra just as gently back, and their mouths slowly fell open, deepening the kiss. She felt Integra’s arm that had been previously wrapped around her loosely now resting on her lower hip. It was Integra that pulled away from the kiss first.

“Is this alright?” Seras asked.

“Yes.” Seras kissed Integra with more earnestness this time, and in an act of moderate bravery hooked her leg around Integra. She heard Integra’s soft sigh as she broke off the kiss again. Integra buried her face in Seras’s neck, partially to hide the flush she could feel covering her cheeks and inhaled deeply. Her companion did not smell much of anything, as she never did, just the faint scent of wood and lavender. She wasn’t sure how much of the lavender was from her own hair, but it was still nice all the same.

Seras ran her fingers through Integra’s long hair and slipped her other hand off from Integra’s chest to rest on her high hip. As her hand traveled, she could feel the bandages covering the stabbing wound and briefly cringed at the knowledge that the shapeshifter was still at large, but once it reached its place at her hip, Seras relaxed again. She could feel Integra’s warmth and heart beat against her now. They would be safe, at least for now.

“Seras,” Integra said, her voice muffled, pulling at the fabric of Seras’s t-shirt up slightly to expose part of her torso. She didn’t want to look, out of shame, but she could at least feel, “Can I?”

Seras hummed softly, “Please.” Integra’s hands ran under her shirt, to Seras’s waist again. She stopped, unsure of what to do next: inexperience provided no answers. She had kissed boys when she had been younger, at parties she had been required to attend, but this was different. This was blissful, and she wanted more of something she couldn’t describe with words. A scandalous warmth was filling her, even as the vampire’s cold skin laid beneath her hands. _I’m not afraid_ , she chastised herself.

“Touch me?” were the only words that came to Integra’s mind.

Seras looked elated, and Integra felt the leg that had hooked around hers earlier pull her closer. Seras rolled her back on her bed and was on top of her. She gasped softly and Seras silenced her with another kiss. The papers beneath her were surely being crumpled, but in the moment, Integra couldn't care less. Seras was pushing up her shirt to expose her torso and chest, running over her skin with feather-light touches that were practically torture. Seras pulled away to let Integra breathe and to see her blushing, in response to the crimson eyes that seemed to be boring into her with each bit of warm skin exposed.

“Have you done this before?” she asked.

Seras paused, “Truthfully, no. Pip I kissed…” her voice trailed off. She didn’t want Integra to know of Pip’s mysterious disappearance. She need not concern Integra anymore, and it took her a moment to find a tasteful way to describe her small collection of lesbian porn that only served to fuel her early fantasies of Hellsing’s leader (some of which was courtesy of the Pip’s belongings) that Integra certainly did not need to know about. Or that one dream she had. And her own experience of touching herself. “I’ve… researched.”

“Researched?”

Seras hummed softly in response and kissed her again. Integra briefly tensed when Seras’s hand lingered on her chest. She felt a slipping of control, but it was strangely pleasant. That she could almost trust Seras with control, to see past her iron exterior, as she so often did. That Seras would touch her, and it would feel good.

Seras continued kissing Integra, noting the way her heart was racing underneath her cool touch as her hand fondled her chest. Her tongue tasted Integra’s mouth as they kissed and while it was not her it tasted good all the same. When she would pull away to allow Integra to properly breathe she could hear her soft pants filling her ears. She wanted to hear that sound for eternity, and glanced down. Her warm, amber skin was so inviting. She could feel her own heat building, like when she would feel an artery beneath human skin, but this was so much more arousing.

Integra felt the cool hand slip from her shirt, and when she opened her eye, she saw Seras looking at her intently, and the hand slipping dangerously close to her waistband. Integra wanted to be touched quite badly, but the way she tensed when Seras’s hand reached her waistband suggested the opposite.

“Integra?”

“Why did you stop?”

“You’re tense.”

“Just don’t look at me… like that.”

“I want to see you,” Seras said, fingers playing with her waistband, but pulled away after a moment.

“Thank you,” she said, sighing softly as Seras leaned back and took off her shirt. She straddled Integra low on her hips, avoidant of any areas she could irritate her wounds. She could feel Integra watching her, and while Integra did not want Seras to look at her, the feeling was not mutual. Seras wanted Integra to see her. She unclasped her bra, undoing the hooks and removing it with seemingly little effort, dropping it beside them on the bed.

Seras leaned back forward, pulling one of Integra’s hands to her breast, encouraging her to touch her. Integra seemed to finally take the hint, although it was initially more of an awkward groping. Her thumb brushed Seras’s hard nipple, garnering a soft sigh from Seras, who leaned forward again to kiss Integra. Seras's lips were gentle, and Integra was quickly losing herself again, the caress of Seras's breast becoming more clumsy as Integra’s other hand went to touch herself. The vampire’s cool hands had done nothing to quell the kindling of desire that was quickly becoming a burning fire. She had imagined what it would be like to touch Seras, but she had always ran from the thoughts. And now she was _touching_ and all the shame left her, if only for a moment.

When Seras kissed her again, her tongue pressing against her lips, her mouth fell open with an un-noble moan. She no longer desired control, and the previous fear and shame discarded, she wanted to feel Seras touching her now.

“Seras. Please touch me,” this time, her voice was higher. She didn’t look away as Seras moved to the side for easier access. She slipped her hand under Integra’s hand, her fingers finding Integra’s clitoris more quickly than she expected; Seras applied more pressure than the sensitive area was used to, pulling a half-sigh that ended with a moan from Integra.

Her voice was less steady than she would have liked when she spoke next, “Seras… that feels….” Her voice broke off into another whine as Seras’s fingers ground into her. Her movements were quite rough and cool against the growing heat. Integra pressed her hips up into Seras’s fingers to seek more of the feeling. When she looked back at Seras’s face, she bit her lip lightly in an attempt to stop the sounds she was making.

Seras continued and experimentally pressed a finger into Integra. The movement elicited a shocked moan as her mouth fell open. Integra rocked her hips against Seras’s finger, seeking more of the unfamiliar, cool friction and penetration of Seras’s fingers. When Seras pressed a second finger in, she cried out again. She was so close, and she felt the sensation as Seras began to kiss her hand, which she had at some point taken into hers, since kissing Integra was difficult in this position.

The combination of Seras’s fingers moving inside of her, and a brush of her clitoris finally brought her to her peak, and Integra’s hand gripped Seras’s hand tightly. Seras’s other hand remained put, torturing her with overstimulation even after she reached her peak with a final moan. As she sank back into the pillow, panting, Seras pulled her hand away, kissing Integra’s hand one last time before licking her own fingers in plain sight.

“Seras,” she pulled the vampire’s face to hers, kissing her. She pulled away to bite her own lip, more deliberately this time until she broke the skin of her inner lip slightly. Seras’s reaction, although having recently fed, was immediate. She kissed Integra with greater intensity, tongue delving into her mouth to get every last taste.

“Please,” she said between kisses, pulling Integra’s hand to where she craved Integra’s touch.

Integra’s hand was warm on her skin and slipping under the elastic waistband and into Seras’s panties. Her slender fingers, trained on the trigger and sword, were skilled but inexperienced. However, she quickly found her dexterity when Seras moaned. Integra wanted to be sure Seras felt the same pleasure she did, and kissed her harder, the small amount of blood smearing across both of their lips. Seras’s tongue could not keep up when her body was overwhelmed by the way Integra was touching her. She had never imagined how good it would feel to have her master touching her like this, and was already so turned on by having seen Integra come undone.

“Master,” she cried out, rocking against Integra’s touches. She whined for more, and she swore she heard Integra audibly whisper her name, but it was loud as if she had yelled it. _Seras Victoria._

“Are you… close?” Integra said, breaking the kiss to speak.

“Yes, please… more,” she said, rocking her hips into Integra’s hand. Her hand was warm, but it felt like a wildfire burning inside her. She felt Integra’s fingers slip into her wetness and whined. She needed Integra to keep touching her, it didn’t matter how, as long as she did. _Come._

“Master,” she cried out, shutting her eyes and shaking slightly as she came at the implicit order. Integra’s fingers were pulling away all too soon, and Seras tried not to whine at the loss. She felt blissful, licking the remnants of Integra’s blood on her lips.

Once she found her bearings, she pulled Integra closer to her, “Integra…”

Integra had left her own blissful orgasmic daze for a relaxed, content state, laying back in the bed when Seras pulled her close. Seras fixed Integra’s shirt and removed her glasses before laying her back in the bed.

She began removing the paper and books that were scattered across the bed away so she could rest comfortably. She picked up those that had fallen to the floor a well, stacking them on the nightstand. She did her best not to pry, but curiosity got the better of her when she saw an older one labeled Dracula. It was a large book, with bits of paper peaking out. She opened it slightly, before thinking better of it and set it back in the neat pile immediately.

When she turned back to face Integra, Integra was looking at her. “You can read them,” Integra said, “it’s about how… Alucard came into the hands of Hellsing.”

“How?” she leaned back on the bed next to Integra.

“The seals. Abraham… van Helsing. Mina Murray or Mina Harker depending on who you ask. Johnathan Harker. All of them. The alchemy and occult knowledge that Abraham used to defeat Dracula that remains,” Seras could feel Integra’s mix of emotions with each word, “How he brought him back, and… how he became property. I need to know how… Blasius’s relatives sealed a vampire on the neck. Alucard’s… was primarily on his heart.”

The reminder of Blasius lay heavy in the air, and Seras apologized again, “I… don’t know how Blasius got past my senses. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell what. I couldn’t even sense another vampire.”

When Seras heard Integra’s voice again, her mouth did not move. It was strange, and she didn’t understand how Integra’s voice was so clear in her mind. _Do not blame yourself._

“Integra?” she asked.

“Yes?” _Yes._

“I…” she stopped herself, “I can hear your voice inside my head… Like Alu-” she corrected herself, “Master’s.”

“My thoughts?”

“Yes.”

“You did drink some of my blood,” she said.

She could feel the trust in Integra’s mind, and she hugged Integra closely again. Integra tensed at the sudden intimacy, “Don’t make a habit of reading my mind. I will order you to stop.”

Seras ignored Integra’s comment, returning to her original curiosity, “Tell me about Abraham Van Helsing.”

Integra sunk back completely onto the bed, “It would be best for you to read the book directly. To know the truth of how Alucard came to Hellsing’s hands. Abraham Van Helsing was my father’s father, and among those who tracked down Dracula to defeat him. After doing so, Abraham brought him back to England, where he revived Alucard… and promised something in return for his servitude. He, at the time, chose to serve, and Abraham placed the seals upon his heart,” she gestured to her chest, “and secondarily on his hands.”

Seras’s hand pulled Integra’s hand to her own chest, where her undead heart remained, unbeating, “Are… you going to seal me?”

“Even if I desired to do so, Seras, I could not. Abraham left out the details of how he actually sealed Alucard, merely that he did and they could not be broken by Alucard. Only his pledge. The details of the seal itself are also lacking. Alucard was always… evasive about sharing details.”

Seras hummed, holding Integra’s hand against her bare chest, and spoke softly “You already have my heart.”

Seras could feel the flurry of emotions in Integra’s mind, both loving and rage-filled, and as they were repressed again. “Do not speak lightly of that, Seras.”

Seras shut her eyes, “Integra. I mean it. I followed your orders. I will follow your orders. I will be by your side. You are Alucard’s master… you are my master,” she squeezed Integra’s hand, “I will stay.”

“Thank you, Seras,” her voice was softer, her eye briefly falling shut as she fought back the urge to sleep. Sleep had not come as easily since she had left Seras’s coffin but now seemed more welcoming, “I am tired. I am sorry I am not much for conversation tonight. Wake me up before dawn tomorrow.”

Seras nodded, “Rest then, master.”

Integra found peaceful sleep in the arms of the undead servant, who held her so close. As the night passed, she stayed awake as is typical with vampires, running her hand through Integra’s hair occasionally, and at some point willed the lights off.


	9. Castle Of Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of an "intermission" chapter between 8 and 10 and the reason for the increase in chapters

_Bring me home in a blinding dream_

_Through the secrets that I have seen_

_Wash the sorrow from off my skin_

_Show me how to be whole again_

_'Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass_

_Hardly anything there for you to see_

_Castle Of Glass - Linkin Park_

## 27 October 2000 6:08 am - Hellsing Mansion

Seras did not have to wake Integra up, as she began stirring over an hour before dawn. Not used to the gentle wrapping of arms around her, she pushed them away with urgency, panicking. Her hand tried to reach under the pillow, grasping for the pistol that was not there. Not because it was Seras, but because something was holding her down.

Her eye finally flew open to see Seras holding her and looking concerned. Her breaths steadied, and the tension began to slightly leave her body.

“Seras…” 

“It’s fine,” she said, pulling her close again.

“I panicked.” The words were void of panic, but Seras could still feel the tension of Integra’s body and the rise and fall of her chest against her own.

Panic was not something Seras had ever seen Integra, or at least identified as panic. She tapped her pen impatiently, shifted irritably, and snapped at members of the convention, and other useless government liaisons. She lost herself briefly in rage when she thought no one was watching and yelled at a wall. She inhaled sharply and trembled slightly. She glared. She made barely-concealed complaints, made short comments, expressed concerns and tensed, but she did not panic. She spoke of fear, but to see it raw and alive was different. The panic in her face was familiar and yet new, vulnerable. The person that laid behind the mask of a stiff heir to a century of work and progress that closeness exposed. And it was not weakness, no matter how much Integra saw it as such.

Seras was silent, reminding herself Integra said she was a good servant. She was not afraid of Seras. And after a moment, Integra repeated the reassuring words partially for Seras’s benefit and partially to process her thoughts aloud.

“I’m not afraid of you. Just not used to someone in my bed,” Integra felt her arm brush up against bare skin and realized Seras was still topless from the night before, and flushed slightly at the memory. “Last night,” she murmured.

“What are we, Integra?”

Integra hummed softly. She had already spoken her feelings, but that did leave little in understanding. The night prior still seemed so raw, after years of hardly more than a lingering pat on the shoulder, or the brush of a hand. She craved touch, but it was all so overwhelming. Involving. “I don’t know. I don’t know, Seras. I’m still…” she hated sounding so lost and confused, “I care about you. A lot. I want to be close to you. I want you to be near. I’m…” her voice trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

Seras nodded, running a hand along Integra’s back, finding her hand and bringing it to her lips, “Whatever I am to you, I am yours.”

“You are mine,” she could not bring herself to be Seras’s in that moment, “Perhaps we do not need definitions beyond that.” Her mind offered the word partners, but the word was still too intimate to speak out loud, “Companions.” 

Seras hummed, pulling Integra’s hand back to her bare chest, and pressed her forehead to Integra’s, “You are still my master, Integra, I promised Alucard to protect you, and I promised to stay by your side. I will not leave you.”

“You have protected me,” Integra leaned in, brushing her lips against Seras’s lightly, before pulling away, “I need to go to the bathroom.” She climbed out of bed, walking to the bathroom.

Seras climbed out of bed, retrieving her shirt. She briefly considered that Integra would be hungry, and whisked off down the hallway to the kitchen. She didn’t want to spend precious time making tea and quickly produced a slice of toast, without burning it, with butter. Plating it, she grabbed a cup of water as well, before returning on the walk down the hallway. She wasn’t particularly thirsty herself from the past couple days of feeding to heal, and wondered why she never thought of drinking blood out of a plain cup. The thoughts were pushed aside as she scuttled back into Integra’s bedroom, setting the toast and water on the nightstand.

Integra emerged from the bathroom, hair tied back and pajamas slightly less disheveled. “Oh… thank you, Seras.” She glanced at Seras, and then the plate again. “You didn’t need to.”

“I wanted to,” she sat back on the bed, eye following Integra as she made her way across the room, and picked the toast off the plate. It was still warm when Integra bit into it, and her eye shut.

“The hospital wouldn’t let me have proper, solid food during my stay.”

“Is it safe?”

“Dr. Trevilian gave me the all-clear on light foods.”

Seras nodded, watching Integra set the partially eaten toast back on the plate. She glanced at the clock. It was already 6:45, and dawn would be here at a few moments past seven, and she would be drawn to retire in her coffin yet again.

“Master,” she said, reaching for the hand that reached back for hers. “The sun will rise soon. What are you going to do today… during the day?”

Integra swallowed, voice returning to its usual clinical tone, and she sank to sit in the bed beside Seras “I’m going to contact Officer Lawson. I need to deal with Sir Jackson quickly, and quietly if possible before this spreads. We need to track down Blasius, but I believe…” she set her hand on Seras’s thigh to linger there, and it felt natural instead of overwhelming. “They will show themselves first. I’ll see you when the sun sets, then.”

Seras leaned in, pressing a kiss to Integra’s forehead, and then lingering. Integra closed the gap, pressing the briefest kiss to her lips, before pulling away. “Good morning, then,” Seras pulled away.

## 27 October 11:23 am - Hellsing Mansion

She attempted to call Officer Lawson for the fifth time, the phone ringing until it went to voicemail. Or the rest of the squadron. It wasn’t odd when she had called at seven in the morning, but now it was. She had not returned the call. She set the phone back in the cradle with a sigh, looking at the paperwork again. It was a comfort to be at her desk instead of the bed.

The reports on Blasius’s apartment. The reports of the murders of the boys. Sir Jackson’s signature on most of them, which was all the more infuriating.

Finally, her phone rang. She picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Sir Integra Hellsing, this is your last warning. You will be charged with treason soon enough.”

“Jackson.”

“Terminate your vampire.”

“You are persistent as ever. If you-”

“You should be arrested-”

“Hellsing is dealing with the supernatural threat. Take care of your little police force and stay out of this.”

“Or what?”

“I’ll have you removed….”

“Are you threatening me?”

“Yes. Have I not made myself clear? You fulfilled your duty, which was arresting Seras Victoria when she was alleged to be a threat. She was found to not be a threat.”

“You’re the only one-”

“Where is Officer Lawson? I suspect you have something to do with my inability to contact her.”

“I had her arrested for refusing to assist in locating you, or disclose your whereabouts. Based on where you are calling from, you are at your estate.”

“Using members of my organization as bargaining chips is unbecoming. You know I will not let this go, Jackson.”

“Using the undead is unbecoming,” he mocked, “I was hoping your arrest of Seras Victoria would be more… permanent.”

“Then I have no more words for you, Jackson,” she hung up the phone.

## 27 October 2000 9:05 pm - Hellsing Mansion

When Seras woke in the evening, she pushed the lid off of her coffin. The mansion was quiet, and it was welcome. She felt a sense of calm as she dressed, ascending the staircase to go to Integra’s office. On the other side, she could hear the discussion between Integra and Zachary. She knocked before opening the door. Integra was sitting at her desk, looking exasperated. Penwood looked nervous.

“Seras, Jackson is planning to have me arrested.”

“Why?”

“Various reasons. It’s irrelevant. Zachary, we can continue this in the morning. I would like to update Seras.”

Penwood knew when to take the hint, and left quickly, leaving Seras to close the gap, coming around to Integra. Integra sank back in her chair. “This whole thing is quickly getting out of control. I have a bad feeling about this. There’s no one investigating. No watchdog without Lawson’s squad, which Jackson has had arrested.”

“Oh.”

“I’ve spent the day talking to Penwood about seceding the Convention if this does not resolve.”

Seras hummed, standing beside Integra, looking over the papers that were still spread across the desk. The pages of text, writing, and photocopied images. She wondered briefly if Helena would know anything about shapeshifters.

“You need to rest.”

Integra grimaced slightly, although Seras was correct, and she rose from her chair, “To bed, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always for the kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks, and comments. I really love the feedback and hope you are enjoying reading this work! The next chapter will be: "Torn From The Pages"


	10. Torn From The Pages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: direct quotes from Bram Stoker's Dracula are tagged.

_Torn from the pages out of our book_

_A beautiful tragedy_

_I’m torn between heaven and hell_

_Cause baby when I’m with you_

_I just don’t know where I’d rather be_

_I wanna stay, wanna walk out the door_

_Oh no! Right now, baby, I’m torn_

_I can’t get enough, can’t take any more_

_Oh no! Right now, baby, I’m torn_

_You dry my tears and make it pour_

_You show me love and give me war_

_Torn - Ava Max_

## 27 October 2000 10:03 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Integra had quickly stripped from her professional attire, deciding not to argue with Seras’s suggestion to go to bed. She would be alerted if any contact was made, and Lawson could be retrieved by Sir Penwood the following day. She sat on the edge of the bed, glancing at Seras, “you don’t have to stay.”

”I want to.”

Integra hummed, slipping under the covers. And Seras lay beside her, although not as close as the night prior. She dare not linger too close still, as bare as Integra was.

Once Integra was both in bed and asleep after several hours of restless turning at nearly one in the morning, Seras departed from Integra’s bedroom, redressing to leave the mansion. Seras was quick on her feet, missing her access to the minivan which she surmised had been left in Cheddar, along with her few other items. and likely her Hallconnen. She knew Integra could, and likely would, have a similar one made, but it would never be the same as Walter’s work. The motorcycle would have to do. And the key was already in the ignition. She rode out, getting past the guards with ease, making an excuse that Integra had sent her on a personal errand.

As she drove through London, the skeleton frames of buildings around her reached into the sky. Rebuilding efforts were still slow, and scaffolding instead of buildings filled the roadside. She finally made it to Helena’s house, and this time it felt different. She could sense Helena inside, her energy that surrounded and protected her home and library. She ignored the sensation, and ran up, knocking on the door, but the moment her knuckles hit the door, it opened. The elder vampire was immediately visible to her, sitting on her throne, dress and face unwrinkled by time. She didn't even look up at Seras, eyes remaining on the book in her hands.

“Helena!”

Helena still did not look up from her book, as if not acknowledging her presence. Seras instead heard Helena’s voice inside her mind. _What has transpired? Come closer, so we may share thoughts._

“I can hear you, too,” Seras said.

_You are a true person of the night now. I must know how this has happened. Dracula does not walk the earth still. There is no need to speak out loud._

## 28 October 2000 - Helena’s Journal Entry

Miss Seras Victoria came to visit again. I had told her not to return unless she had ceased her connection to Sir Hellsing.

She came past the threshold, and I could already sense a change. I beckoned her closer, so that I may know what has transpired by the sharing of thoughts. She could evidently hear these thoughts before I voiced them, and I realized then that she had become a true person of the night.

I did not initially understand how such a thing could come to occur, because Dracula does not walk on the soil of the earth any longer. There was no longer a need to speak out loud, and I noticed there was no familiar to guard her thoughts from me any longer. He had never provided much resistance, but his absence was still noteworthy, and I could see the distress in her thoughts.

Seras has allowed Sir Hellsing to surround her with Blessed Silver and to be anemiated by Sir Hellsing, who she now calls master. They have been intimate with one another and yet Integra maintains her undefiled maidenhood; such is the archaic and mythical vampire laws of human virginity.

Seras has not only done these things, but also fed from the Hellsing leader. I do not understand, nor do I dare ask how such a human has Dracula’s blood within her own, but such feedings and the gradual amounts of blood have freed Seras from her service to Dracula.

Humans’ desire to master even death is such a strange thing to me, even still after my own death for all these years. There is something far worse afoot, and I dare not inform Seras Victoria of these things. She can find these answers, as I have told her. To see Dracula’s story. To know the legend that we vampires have known for longer than humans suspect. I have gifted her my copy of a journal, that which belonged to a Gabriel Possenti in the early 19th century, that I hope will assist her in seeing the dangers of seals. That they are a perversion of the elegance and care of vampiric master-servant bonds.

She claims the involvement of a shapeshifter, a creature I have only seen mentioned in human legends, and such creatures seem unlikely. However by her own description that it desires to enslave vampires, it seems Sir Hellsing and this creature are fruits from the same vine.

I have told her these things, and that she will no longer be able live in the daylight, or be in the day again. She is a true vampire now, and must learn to embrace the night further. I have told her not to return, lest I be forced to remove her. She will not cross my threshold again, and I am aware this may be the last time I see her under such trusted terms.

## 28 October 1:58 am - Helena’s House and Library

Seras felt a profound sense of loneliness as the door shut. The book was strangely warm in her hands, but nothing could stop the cascade of thoughts. A true vampire? When had she stopped calling Alucard master? When had Integra become her master? How could Integra have his blood? An endless void of thoughts filled her. Is that why Pip was gone?

She calmed the thoughts, but a single tear had already fallen down her cheek, and she pushed it away. Bloody. They were always bloody now. She no longer cried but bled, and had bled into Integra’s shoulder earlier, and there was no warm shoulder to clutch to now.

Integra. She thought of her hands as they had touched her, pulling her back from the flashback to the jail cell. The blood from her bitten lip. The way she had held her, unafraid. Her love. Would Integra love her, knowing no trace of human life remained? Would Integra hold her still, knowing Alucard no longer bound her to servitude? That she had Alucard’s blood within her own all this time?

“I don’t know what I’m doing, Helena… I don’t know anything. Am I really a full vampire now?” her voice was loud, and she resisted the urge to pound on the door and request entrance again.

There was no response from Helena, but the darkness of the night offered her some comfort. Seras looked at her motorcycle. Did she need it? Could she simply return to the mansion in a mist-like Alucard? She was too afraid to find out, and climbed back on the motorcycle and sped away. She could feel Helena’s presence fading as she rode further away, the streets becoming a blur as all her senses became focused on returning to the mansion.

She descended immediately to her room in the basement, into her room, settling beside her coffin. She held the journal Helena had given her in hand. The front leather cover sturdy, and decorated with a singular golden Chi-Rho symbol It was thick, and in fair condition given its reported age, which was written as well in the inner panel of the hard book cover in the note “translated and transcribed from the original in the 19th century by Helena.” The first page was a panel of Helena’s neat typeface.

## Gabriel’s Journal Entries - Abridged “The Legend of the Passionist.”

> “This is the story of the vampire now named Possenti. Born 1531 A.D., William Baker. 
> 
> I have heard of such creatures - vrolok or vkoslak. There was a time I believed such creatures - vampires - to be the product of myth. They do exist, and are truly ungodly and unfaithful. Their existence is a desecration of the soils of the earth.”
> 
> I did not believe the myths of Vlad Dracula in Romania, and I fear we will all suffer dearly if a better answer cannot be found. I will tell you, without a doubt these things have happened, and I should hope these journals will be burned prior to my death to prevent them from being found again. That neither man nor beast will discover what we did that fateful day, and the days and years that followed. The mistakes that we cannot ask for enough forgiveness, even from God himself.
> 
> The bishops and priests of our times do not know what they have done, but I do not blame them. I can only pray that the next generations do not choose the same.”
> 
> “It is winter in the year of our Lord 1853.
> 
> I was informed of a creature that had been captured. The creature appeared to be a man when I first visited it, and the fellow brothers insisted I add a silver chain and cross to my neck before I visited for the first time on this day.
> 
> I was told it is a vrolok, vkoslak, or vampire. I do not believe in such myths, but the creature does, in fact, appear as a man. He is contained by a ring of Holy Hosts that the priests maintain, and I do not understand how such a barrier contains him.
> 
> He was extremely pale, with long brown hair. I do not doubt that it has grown long from capture. I asked if it was truly a vampire, and it merely laughed at me. I inquired additionally if it believed in god, and it laughed at me and finally spoke. I will never forget its words.
> 
> ‘Fear God? I cannot die, what is there to fear any longer?.’
> 
> I have asked a fellow brother why the creature has been kept, and they say their studies will allow them to give the creature salvation.”
> 
> “I am told we will soon be performing a new kind of exorcism on the creature with the Bishop at the next visit, and I have participated in the research. I am told the Holy Hosts are powerful in containing such a creature, and I am considering how to bring the creature that is allegedly dead back to the living so we may kill it. There is no known way to kill the vampire. We have found other things that appear to contain it, and protect us from it.
> 
> A brother was able to obtain its coffin, and the vampire has been contained in it by our use of the Holy Hosts and crosses. A brother suggested the use of garlic, which while I detest the smell, I am told it has success in repelling them by my brothers.”
> 
> “Today we will be performing the death of the creature, and hopefully cleansing the body of William Baker to its eternal resting in peace. It is the prayer for Holy Communion, and the offering of living blood, and the dead blood. We will ask that the Blood of Christ join it, and cleanse the creature. I have decided to offer my blood, as I am already afflicted with Tuberculosis, and it is no matter to me if it saves more. Perhaps my blood will poison the creature.
> 
> I am told that this, if successful, will be used to spare thousands in Romania, against a more powerful vampire. I do believe vampires exist now, certainly, but it is hard to believe there exists more than this creature.”
> 
> “The death of the creature was more strange than expected. The Bishop insisted it be performed in the light of day, which we have learned angers the creature greatly. We were to drive a wooden stake into its heart as dawn rose. Apparently, the stake would kill it. My Brother, Alexander performed the first hit of the mallet, and for the first time since being returned to its coffin, it opened its eyes to look at us. I will never forget those red eyes.
> 
> We drove the stake in further, until the fiery faded. We then brought it to the chapel, to where the seal had been placed before. The Chi Rho symbol placed in a circle, with the vampire’s limbs put across the X portion. The coffin was burned as we began to celebrate Holy Communion, and requested of God that the creature may die. To free its impure soul, and allow it to join the dead.
> 
> I cut my finger, allowing my blood to enter the circle, along with the vampire’s from the staking. We completed the celebration of the Eucharist, and surrounded the creature with Holy Hosts, and I removed the stake. The creature did not move or rouse, and I believe it to be dead. We intend to bury it at tomorrow’s dawn, and to give eternal rest to William Baker.”

## 1853 - Teramo, Italy

William Baker, now bearing the name Possenti, roared as the darkness took the land, and he called out for his human master. He ran to see his master, who he did not even know the name of. A human. He leered over their bed, waiting for them to wake.

_Could you not just kill me?_

> “I fear I have mixed my blood with the damned. The creature rose again during the night, and appeared before me, in my room. My brother woke me, when the creature loomed over my bed.
> 
> It demanded what I had done to do it. It appeared distraught, the first signs of emotion I had ever seen in the creature. It called me master when it spoke to me, and I am perplexed as to why.
> 
> I requested it not to speak, and it has not done such since. It is looming beside me as I write this letter. It is truly undead. I believe it cannot die. The holy host no longer has an impact on it, nor the other things we have done previously. It still fears the silver crosses we have around our necks, but I do not know if they would harm him. It obeys me, strangely.”
> 
> “It has been many months since we attempted to kill the creature. I do not understand. It follows me as though I was its mother, calling me master and other strange things. It recently attempted to eat a sheep, whole, and I do not understand why. It keeps telling me it is hungry, but will not consume the food that is offered. It insists it must feast upon blood, and that blood is life. I will not allow the vampire to consume the flesh of my fellow brothers, to taint it. Its insistence only grows stronger every time night begins to fall.
> 
> I have provided the creature a coffin, as a compromise at the creature’s pleading. It is a strange sight to see a creature who once laughed at God, to be begging the men of God for death, and a coffin to rest in. The creature appears to have calmed at the offer.
> 
> I have recently inquired of them if they know they are William Baker, and they laughed at me, that they are nothing now. That I have taken everything from them in what I did moons ago. I told it we had cleansed it, in an attempt to give it salvation in death. It laughed again, returning to its coffin.”
> 
> “The bishop has instructed me to take a wife, as he believes the vampire’s servitude is tied to my blood, and I must take up my cross to keep my brothers and sisters safe until we find a way to kill it. I believe it unbecoming of me to seek out a partner in order to control the creature to curse a child, but I digress. It appears that is the truth, and as the tuberculosis slowly drains me, I become more aware of the necessity.
> 
> The priesthood intends to harness the creature that many now call Possenti, in respect to me. We will be traveling to Transylvania soon to attempt to kill the alleged similar creature in the mountains. The Bishop believes Possenti can kill the vampire that resides there, at my command. They believe the creature knows its own death, but will not share it even at my request.”
> 
> “The journey to Transylvania has been difficult and I grow weary. The creature pleaded to be allowed rest in its coffin, and I have granted the indulgence. We have not yet told the creature our intentions, merely that we are to travel.”
> 
> “It is now the year of our Lord 1856 now, as I have been told by my fellow priests. We have arrived at Transylvania. In the morn, Possenti and I are to breach the boundaries to castle in which Count Dracula resides. Possenti grows restless, and has told me whilst it remains uninformed and has not read my mind, it believes whatever we are about to do is dangerous, and has advised of our return. It is the most queer affair to hear it speak to clearly and with such purpose. I do not doubt the risk, but the Bishop believes it to be the most pertinent mission. I can only hope my wife will await my return. My letters reach her with surprising speed and I receive replies so quickly. My fellow brother says it is merely his care of being sure they are sent properly, and he is often so kind to me. He is new to the brotherhood and has the same hazel eyes as my wife. One would think they are related.”

Seras tried to maintain a sense of calmness as she read the book but shuddered slightly as she saw Alucard’s name.

> “Arriving at Dracula’s castle was a failure, and I fear things are worse. I will never forget the look on its face when the door opened, and the creature realized what we were doing. I will also never forget the look of amusement on Count Dracula’s face.
> 
> He laughed at Possenti, claiming him none more than a ‘wretched servant, nothing, the lowest of the low,’ asking him who his master was, and laughing, even more, when Possenti gestured towards me. I will never forget the look of shame and disgust on both faces.
> 
> I ordered Possenti to kill Dracula, to which he laughed that Dracula was already dead, as was he. I then told him to destroy Dracula, to which he laughed, eyes blazing as he faced Dracula. I will never forget the look of pure amusement on Dracula’s face.
> 
> Other creatures begin to fill the ground around us. Rats, mice and other things. A shadow filled the room until I could no longer see either, besides Dracula’s red eyes. The mark on Possenti’s neck glowed just as brightly. Slowly, the whole room darkened until both glows disappeared completely.
> 
> After a few moments, both shadow and creatures disappeared. It appears Dracula destroyed Possenti in the darkness, and I cannot understand how. He appears to have no physical injuries to my eyes, but he was silent and laid on the floor, as if dead, as when he rests in his coffin. I believe it to be a farce, and I have returned him to his coffin. The Vatican does not see this failure lightly, and has plans to further harness the creature. I fear that it is not the correct course of action, and such choices will only cause more damage.
> 
> I remained untouched by Dracula, and I do believe Possenti protected me in that darkness. There is much I am certain I do not recall. I have decided that I must deal with Possenti before the Vatican does. It is too dangerous. Dracula is too dangerous. Something transpired there, that I cannot recall. I feel a sense of indescribable madness I did not before. We must leave Transylvania immediately.”
> 
> “I am moving Possenti to England. I have wrapped him in silk, and placed upon him a blessing to remain asleep. We have filled the coffin with all manner of things to prevent his escape should the seal fail. I have burned garlic and roses, adding the ashes to the dirt of his coffin. The coffin is to be filled with fresh garlic and wild roses before he is sealed in the earth below evermore, along with wooden crucifixes. The creature fears the cross, however, I do not understand why. There is still no known method for killing the creature, and I fear there may never be one. Removing the stake returns the vampire to life, and I can only pray that the relics in Saint Michael’s Church, the archangel will keep him in the earth for eternity.
> 
> I believed in the beginning, it could be saved. After seeing Dracula, and the blatant entertainment he found at seeing a vampire serving a human, I know now they are self-serving creatures that we must find destruction to end their deathless death. Dracula did not destroy Possenti but has afflicted him with madness. I feel a hint of the same madness.
> 
> He haunts my dreams now, and I hope by returning him to the earth, we may both sleep. That my child may sleep, and my wife may rest easy. I am near death now, and I am grateful I may one day have eternal rest in God. I pray someday that both this journal and Possenti can be destroyed.
> 
> -Gabriel.”

## 28 October 2000 4:12 am - Hellsing Mansion

She dropped the book at the last entry, and instead of falling to the floor, it remained elevated for a moment. She wondered how long she could keep her newfound true vampire nature from Integra. More importantly, why did Integra have Alucard’s blood? Her thoughts berated her again, as did Helena’s. Like the fate of Possenti, to obey until he met madness. He had nothing, and it was strangely reflective of her own experience.

_“You allowed her to surround you with Blessed Silver, and to starve you. You feed from her and she has Dracula’s blood.”_

She glanced at the clock on the wall. Morning would arrive within a few hours, and she would be forced to stay here, out of daylight. If she was to know of Hellsing’s servant as well, she would have to retrieve the dreaded book before day broke.

_“You drank her blood, and many other things have happened that even you are unaware of and I will not speak of. You are not a servant vampire any longer. The daytime will no longer be yours. You are walking a dangerous path and I warned you to not return as long as you remain in service to Sir Hellsing. I will not provide you with the answers you have come searching for.”_

She slipped the journal under her coffin, rising up. She extended her shadows across the mansion, sensing for Integra’s life among the pattering of heartbeats across the mansion. They were like raindrops on a rooftop until she found Integra’s, which was like thunder when Seras listened closely. She let her eyes fall shut and felt the rise and fall of Integra’s breaths, and as she focused, she unintentionally manifested herself from her shadow’s at Integra’s bedside. She tried not to make a sound of shock at the new experience, as her shadows returned to her body.

_“Hellsing controlled Dracula. Hellsing controls you. Do not be foolish. This shapeshifter and your human are the fruits of the same vine. Leave now.”_

Is this how Alucard felt? She wondered idly as she stood by the bed, the soothing rhythm of Integra’s heartbeat and breaths lulling her to a state of relaxation. Integra was safe. Her blonde hair was still strewn around her, and her face relaxed. Whatever dreams, if she was having them, were pleasant. Seras glanced at the nightstand at the offending book. Dracula. The history of Alucard she had avoided for so long.

_“Do not ask me what you can answer yourself.”_

She picked it up, sinking to the floor. The book smelled faintly of tobacco, something familiar, and regret. The past hours spent reading did not seem to dull her focus, and she opened the first page. Like Possenti’s, the first page was a note, however this time to someone.

> This is the complete collection of notes, journal entries, letters, telegraphs and related information to Dracula’s capture. Phonograph recordings remain as always, in the Hellsing vault. Any other items have been lost with time. A.Van Helsing for my son, Arthur Hellsing.

The first pages were long, drawn-out journal entries by Jonathan Harker. Seras skimmed over them quickly, handwriting neat enough to make such a task possible. Until she reached the first entry detailing Dracula’s castle, which she read with slightly more focus. She glanced up at Integra, as she was still laying, as if not noticing her undead’s companions presence.

The journal entries continued for pages. They detailed Jonathan Harker, and Seras found herself flipping through them with hurry, to find out about Van Helsing and Dracula, until she came upon a short letter taped to a page. It was written to a Dr. Seward, who she would know far more about had she bothered to focus throughout any of the previous pages. She focused again, reading each word, but the letter was of no use, and she skimmed through the pages yet again. She skipped words, passages, and paragraphs in an attempt to find answers to questions she couldn’t form in spoken words. The meaning of death and unlife, perhaps.

Nearly halfway through the book, she found a crude drawing of garlic and crucifixes, almost as if drawn by a child. She paused on it for a moment, and read the entries that had been placed by it with more care. Entries that were written in messy but legible handwriting detailing the placing of garlic as protection. Entries in softer, clear handwriting, detailing how the smell of garlic had become something of comfort and the mysteries unfolding. She found herself skimming again, and found herself halfway through the thick journal. She no longer turned the pages with her hands, instead by shadows, the pages turning themselves in silence. Each time Abraham Van Helsing’s name was written, it called out to her.

It was many pages later that his name became more prolific, and details of the UnDead Lucy, 'the bloofer lady,' being contained became more prolific. That she heeded to both garlic and crucifixes, 'things she like not’ the handwriting proclaimed them. The wafers of Communion from the Catholic Church containing her until at last her destruction by stake. It was all so vivid, and yet distant to Seras, the descriptions of a ‘young undead’ as Van Helsing described her. If her heart still beat without conscious effort, it would be pounding from fear, or still from dissociation.

> ‘Take the papers that are with this, the diaries of Harker and the rest, and read them, and then find this great UnDead, and cut off his head and burn his heart or drive a stake through it, so that the world may rest from him.' ( _Dracula - Bram Stoker)_

Time did not seem to pass as she was engrossed now, as the search for Dracula’s coffins continued. The writing would occasionally seem to blur as she tried to read, desperate to reach the end. Dracula seemed so different from the Alucard she knew, and it was almost distressing. How much had Hellsing changed Dracula? Changed vampires? The questions remained unanswered as her mind was filled with continuing to read, and the loss of his coffins felt personal, having lost her own for the days of imprisonment.

The handwriting would occasionally become more erratic and desperate, especially Mina’s. Transcriptions from recordings, while typed, seemed just as desperate. Mina being used to track Dracula, turning his servant against him. Seras’s hands gripped the edges of the hardcovers of the book, mind turning the pages still. The pages became handwritten, no longer items that had been attached to the pages. The handwriting that had become familiar. Abraham Van Helsing’s.

> Mina and Johnathan Harker have been freed from the curse of Count Dracula to the greatest extent possible. Mina has been saved from a un-life of damnation. My work is complete there, however, I have a novel plan for the vampire. It is no mere trifle to bring him back with me, however, he is currently of no threat. The stake remains nearly completely in his chest, and yet he has not truly received death. Whether he refuses to die, or cannot die is none of my concern. I must banish his impure soul for eternity, or find a way to give him salvation by penance.
> 
> I have stayed and made my home in Britain with Dracula, and have been researching how to master the undead. He has remained unmoving and dormant, and I have kept him in the basement from the sunlight.
> 
> I have withdrawn the stake and chained the creature with silver. I have offered to him, in exchange for unlife, to serve me. A promise. That he will bend his will to mine. I have found a way to bring him down, without destroying him. That he will serve me and my descendants. The no-life king will obey and serve me.

## August 1898 - location of the present-day Hellsing Mansion

Dracula last recalled that his coffin had been pried open to the evening sun. "All flesh is like grass, all human glory is like grass flowers. Grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of the Lord endures forever."

His defeat. "You are a pathetic no-life king."

What was it the human doctor had said moments before plunging the stake in his heart? “You have nothing, Vampire King.” That was right. He had nothing.

"There is no such thing as a never-ending nightmare." Yes, there was. His own un-life, that he had not even the right to die. That was his never-ending nightmare.

He was unliving again. The smell of garlic was heavy in the air, and he could feel what was certainly blessed silver around his body. The stale smell of holy hosts that surrounded him. He could sense Abraham Van Helsing nearby. He would remember that wretched heartbeat, he had told himself. That stole death and rest from him. He bared his teeth, and he quickly found himself receiving unending pain as something hit his back. It burned worse than silver, like the sun’s sting. He cried out.

“You have nothing. Serve me, and I will give you something you can never achieve yourself.”

The prideful creature hissed, and received another strike of whatever the sun-like weapon Abraham wielded.

“Serve me, and you will find rest.”

“You cannot give me rest.”

## 28 October 2000 6:45 am - Hellsing Mansion

_Serve me._

The words were strong, like the chains of silver that had bound Alucard. And her. **_Servant._ ** She could practically hear the words and flipped to find on the next page, an image of Hellsing’s seal. The seal that was affixed to Alucard’s gloved hands and heart, always remaining and glowing brightly at Integra’s command. Below the symbol, in bold cursive below, familiar words. The words were clearer than any other, as if freshly written, even though she knew the page was over a century old. The ink was strange, and yet familiar. She felt drawn to speak them, even though her tongue felt heavy in her mouth, as though it had been filled with sand.

**_I am the bird of Hermes,_ **

**_Eating my wings to keep me tame._ **

**_From this darkness, I will rise_ **

**_Both the bird of paradise and the bird of lies,_ **

**_And make myself weak,_**

**_And sacrifice my beak._**

**_May my clipped wings feather this nest,_ **

**_And give the souls of the damned rest._ **

## 1996 - Britain - Alucard

I held the young master in my red coat, and she was bleeding. It has been nearly a hundred years, and she was the first to refuse my blood. Abraham had taken it to bind me to the family. Arthur for strength. This little human had refused it.

She was dying, and Abraham had me promise to protect each descendent of his lineage. I cut my wrist carefully on that dreaded silver cross on her tie. I could cut it myself, but I suppose I’m becoming sentimental to these things being done properly. I do not know if she knows if such things can no longer stop me. Abraham was certain to be sure such things could not stop me. I can resist these things. The daylight. And the “fragrant” garlic he had become so proud of using.

I placed my wrist against her lips and allowed my blood to drain into her mouth. I am certain when she wakes, she will be confused but I cannot tell her. I am also certain Walter will be concerned. I have fulfilled my promise again. I have feathered the nest, and the Hellsings will continue. The Hellsings will always survive.

## 28 October 2000 7:08 am - Hellsing Mansion

The next words were far more familiar and written in different handwriting.

**_Gehorche deinemn meister, Nosferatu._ **

The words washed over her, familiar and frightening. She touched the ink. It was not ink. It was blood. That voice. She knew those words. That voice. It stirred voices, young and ancient. Kind and cruel. Of Masters and Servants. Vampires and humans. To obey your master, nosferatu.

 **Bist gehorsam.** (Be obedient)

_Helena was right._

Abraham Van Helsing.

 **Gehorche** (Obey)

_Hellsing controlled Dracula_

I have nothing...

 **Deinemn** (Your)

_Hellsing controls you._

I have nothing, master.

 **Meister** (Master)

_Do not be foolish,_

The girl made the choice for herself, master.

**Nosferatu**

_Miss Seras Victoria_

Police girl.

**Seras Victoria.**

She had found her answers. Helena was right. All of Integra’s previous words either twisted or forgotten, and consumed by blood lust, she shredded the page, and while her shadows tore at it, the fragile paper where the seal was drawn would not shred. She threw the book across the room, which awakened Integra. When Integra looked at her, she could see the single blue eye staring at her through the darkness.

With her fully realized vampire nature, she could hear Integra’s thoughts. Emotions blurred until she could no longer tell which were hers and which were Integra’s. One overwhelmed the others.

Fear.

She wasn’t sure whose it was, hers or Integra’s. But Integra should be afraid, she thought idly. The truth hurt. Possenti’s madness was like Alucard’s. The desire to serve until it bent and warped on itself. And she was bending.

Had it all been cruel manipulation? Had Integra only brought her close to maintain her loyalty? She had promised not to seal her, but what was a seal to the emotions of her still heart? It had been Integra who had imprisoned her, and she had merely followed orders. Blindly, and she did not fight. The voice that filled her mind. Had that been manipulation, too? Did Integra place that in her mind to instill fear?

She could not see her own face, stained with red tears, as she rose from the floor. Or hear her own screams, only the feeling like burning ashes and sand filling her throat. It was like earlier, when she had crawled back on the bed, except this time, what remained of the night came to her, forming the shadows around her. Integra’s voice was soft in the whirlwind of shadows and old voices Seras could not understand and did not want to understand. She could see the sun threatening to peak outside the window, and the threat of what had been a burning annoyance threatened a far worse pain to her fully realized nature. She let her shadows consume her, turning herself into the darkness to return to her coffin. She could feel Integra’s hand reaching into them, and sunk into the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would anyone be interested in an additional work that would be more of an original fiction than fanfiction that would explore more of Gabriel, Possenti, Blasius and such? It’s something I’ve been dabbling in outside this work, and if there’s enough interest I’ll put some effort into editing it and posting it. I always imagined there would be something similar to vampires as humans have vampires, and it would likely not be Dracula. A story shaped by legend of a human.  
> Fun Fact: I mentioned this in a previous author's not but Gabriel Possenti was a real man in the 19th century who was a Passionist priest who died of Tuberculosis. He is used purely fictitiously here, obviously, but he is also the patron saint of handguns. Blasius is named for the patron saint of throat diseases!  
> Both characters had their origins as DnD OCs“Possenti the Paladin” and “Blasius the Strangler.”


	11. If You're Lost In This Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Integra in this chapter. The conversation Seras walked into in 'Castle Of Glass.'

_If you're lost in this darkness_

_I'll carry your throne_

_No, I won't let it swallow you whole_

_They try to break inside the walls with_

_These lies, but I'm pulling up the drawbridge_

_Well, you rose this love from the dirt now_

_Set fire to the sky, watch it burn down_

_Carry Your Throne - Jon Bellion_

## 28 October 7:14 am - Hellsing Mansion

Integra woke to a loud noise of something colliding first with the wall and then the floor. And the sound of anguish. A sound of anguish that sounded distinctly like it was coming from Seras. She sat upright, concerned that she was either hurt or upset, scrambling for her glasses.

Even without her glasses, she could see the face of a vampire filled with pain and fear. Like the expressions of her earlier flashback, but far more severe. Even Alucard’s most pained expressions had never shown such desperation, at least to her. He would have laughed bitterly, which somehow made the knowledge of his pain bearable. But Seras’s eyes overran with blood, and she was screaming. Shadows that had once simply been her arm engulfed her, wrapping around her.

Integra stumbled up, reaching for her, but the shadows slipped through her fingers as she became intangible, only a flurry of shadows sinking through the floor.

“Seras…” she grabbed her pistol on instinct, clambering out of bed, still partially dressed as she sprinted down the hallway. If anyone saw her, they knew to look away or to not mention it at a later time, and she ran down the stairs.

The draculina was in the basement, for the first time as a true vampire being exposed to the daylight, found the darkest corner of her coffin to bury herself in. As a servant vampire, and during the transition the sun had been an irritation, but now, it was new and frightening again. Her shadows had already amalgamated back to her body, even the shadows of her arm. It took a moment, but her tears stopped as the dirt below absorbed them, and her body stilled.

Integra found Seras’s room as it always was in the morning, lit by artificial light, and the coffin closed. She approached it as she had the night before. Her steps were strangely noisy as she reached the coffin, and as she pried back the lid, she saw Seras. Pale and dead and unbreathing, her face still stained by tears. Not waking. Dead to the world, quite literally.

“Seras," she brushed her finger against her cheek, trying to brush away the tears.

She did not rouse from the interruption of her resting place as she used to, and Integra shut it quickly. Daytime. Daytime only affected True Vampires like that, she told herself. Seras could not be a true vampire. Alucard was gone. This was just a freak incident of panic brought on by recent events. There was no other explanation.

She touched the wood, thinking deeply still. She stood up, returning to her bedroom several minutes later only to have the sharp pain in her abdomen return, no longer dulled by adrenaline. She grabbed her robe, pulling it on and she saw the book that Seras had thrown earlier, recognizing it immediately as her grandfather’s collection of records of Alucard’s capture. She picked up the book, touching the binding thoughtfully.

Her thoughts were interrupted by two guards invading her room.

“Sir Integra,” the guard said, entering, “Something tripped the security alarm. Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine,” she said, “I believe that may have been me. I was… checking on Officer Seras Victoria.”

The officer nodded, “I see. Sir Penwood will be leaving soon. Do you wish to speak with him before he departs?”

“We spoke yesterday.”

## 27 October 2000 8:39 pm - Hellsing Mansion

“There is much to do. I need to get Officer Lawson released. Deal with Blasius. And Sir Jackson. Avoid getting arrested,” she tapped her pen irritably, “Clear Seras’s name. Zachary… Were you aware Jackson did not feed her?”

“No,” he said, “He said it was dealt with.”

Integra nodded, relaxing a bit into the chair, “How did you get that blood?”

“Access to medical supplies by military means,” he said.

“I see. Is there any way for you to retrieve Officer Lawson? I do not need her brought here, but she was merely following orders.”

“I do not know. It is as I said, I have already placed great risk in my position by returning you both here. Sir Jackson has a great deal of the Convention’s interests in mind, by destroying Seras, they believe we can prevent another Zeppelin Incident from occurring.”

“The majority still blame us for the Zeppelin Incident,” she said, tensing, “We- I lost a… asset. I lost Alucard at London. My eye. Nearly my whole house. I am aware of my failures. It was inescapable. I’ve made my reports. The Major won in the end, and destroyed Alucard.”

He nodded, “I can not speak for their choices, Integra. Only my own.”

Integra gripped the sides of her chair tighter, “You weren’t there. Neither was Sir Jackson. You are both lucky to have been shielded from such violence. You still both came into power too young.”

“Did you not succeed into your father’s position at twelve?”

”Indeed I did.”

## 1994 - Hellsing Mansion

Walter had said these parties were necessary to meet her future constituents and to start forming life-long relationships with them a few years ago. The twelve’s descendants, naive and pampered children in her hardened mind. She had already succeeded her father Arthur and uncle Richard, by death as the last remaining descendent of Abraham Van Helsing. Her birthright to be the Bureau Director of the Hellsing Organization and the master of Alucard.

Now, she was wearing a dress that she had agreed upon to suit the occasion, staring into the glass of ginger ale, in the corner of the room. The full skirt was irritating, but she tolerated it. She still carried a pistol underneath the fabric, and Alucard could be called from the basement if anything would occur. Or wherever he was. She drank from the plastic cup. It made her feel like a child; which to a certain extent she was, barely seventeen. Much to Walter’s concern, she had recently acquired a taste for smoking, after a few years of the smoke-heavy meetings she would attend. It made her feel like an adult and not like an early high school graduate. Mature. Serious. Professional. The knight Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing.

She could see the fellow Convention member’s descendants in the more central area, the boys in their suits, some not yet comfortable with the professional attire. Zachary Penwood still wore a clip-on tie, even at nineteen, although he would never admit to it. Not that Integra had room to criticize. She would still sometimes require Walter’s (or less commonly, Alucard’s) assistance when she would exchange her usual red cravat or ribbon with a proper tie.

She saw a blonde-haired teenager approaching her out of the corner of her eye. Sir Jackson’s son, of course, who she was one year senior to. Not a coward like some of the others, but he was not particularly bright, lacking the intelligence and self-restraint of his father.

“Miss Hellsing.”

“Mister Jackson,” she said, looking back up from the cup of ginger ale.

“Not often to see you in a dress.”

“Not often to see you,” she said and under her breath, “Thank god.”

“Hmm?” he hummed, leaning against the same wall.

“You are frequently busy with lessons,” she lied, hating herself the moment she said it.

“You want to see me?” he said, looking up with interest.

“Sure,” she said sarcastically, meeting his eyes. His green eyes were full of interest and youth, and her blue eyes were serious and full of irritation. He missed the tone and smiled. His hand extended far too close to her hair for comfort, and he received a faceful of what was left of Integra’s ginger ale.

## 27 October 2000 9:05 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Zachary broke off her train of thought, “I’ll leave early tomorrow to retrieve Lawson, then.”

Integra nodded, glancing out at the open window, “Seras should be waking soon. The sun has set.”

A knock at the door followed soon after, and Seras entered.

“Seras, Jackson is planning to have me arrested.”

## 28 October 2000 7:41 am - Hellsing Mansion

As the guards finally left her presence, Integra looked at the book in her bed, sinking back into her bed. She inhaled deeply, flipping through it to make sure nothing was missing. She made it to the last pages, where Alucard’s seal was drawn, along with his pledge to Hellsing. She touched it, thinking. She wanted to visit Seras to ask questions, but also did want to rouse her. She touched the page again, inhaling slowly.

There were things to do, but all she could think of was the horror on Seras’s face that she had opened her eyes to. The way she was hunched over on the floor. The panic. The shadows that engulfed her. And then the calm. The stillness of her body. When only last night she had accompanied her to bed. She recalled Seras’s gentleness, the way she had taken her things to hang them for her. She suddenly felt a hint of fear that someone had harmed Seras.

She picked up the phone, dialing for the guards.

“Front guard, Sir Integra…?”

“Yes. I know the alarm was tripped this morning, but did anything else of note happen throughout the night?”

She could hear the guard flipping through a few papers.

“Nothing of note, sir, just Seras going on a personal errand for you. Penwood’s departure.”

Her eye widened at the new information, “I see. Is the alarm reset?”

“Yes, sir.”

She hung up the phone. Somehow, a single answer had only caused more questions, and she stood again. She needed to be ready for Lawson’s return and to decide how, or if, to wake Seras. The latter was something she would decide not to do, and instead focus on assuring Seras's safety from Sir Jackson.

## 28 October 2000 - Sir Z. Penwood’s Personal Report

I have retrieved Officer Lawson from the jail, where she was imprisoned. I’m sure the consequences from the younger members of the Convention will be great, but I can only pray to God that Sir Integra can prevent another disaster. I know she intends to have Jackson taken into Hellsing's custody, although I haven't the slightest idea how.

## 28 October 2000 7:14 am - on the borders of London

At the same time that Seras’s anguished cry had woken Integra and the sun rose, another vampire made a similar scream. A male vampire, Mitchell, ran around frantically, having already been banished from his coffin. He had recently returned from work at what he had found so ironically called the graveyard shift at his job down the street at a convenience shop.

He was certain the dreaded Hellsing organization had caused him the pain of being barred to the sunlight. It was like the legends, the use of ancient methods to drive him out and make him vulnerable. There could be no other explanation for the Communion Wafers that had filled his coffin. It remained a mystery as to how he had even been found as he ran for cover, into the basement of his house. The communion wafers may have driven him from his coffin, but it would not prevent him from seeking the darkest area available for safety.

As he ran into his house’s basement, he was keenly aware that something was amiss, but ran down anyway. It was not dark enough. There were candles on the ground. They illuminated the border around him, and when he turned, a creature closed the border. More wafers. A symbol of white chalk and a puddle of blood that smelled rotten with life. The smell of smoking incense was overwhelming.

The creature glowed slightly in the dark outside the holy barrier, brunette and dressed in white but of indiscernible gender. The male vampire hissed at the intruder, drawing back away, but quickly finding the barrier blocking him from escape.

“Who are you? How did you find me?” he demanded.

“An Angel. A patron, if you will. Here to celebrate the resurrection of Mitchell Fusco, hopefully.”

“Angels are not real,” he hissed.

“But I am,” the creature turned its head, stepping over the barrier. From their robe, they held a wooden stake in their hand and a mallet in the other. The vampire attempted to lash out into shadows to escape, but the holy barrier and day stopped them, and it seemed to only fuel the glow that surrounded the creature.

He screamed when the stake was plunged into his heart, and the mallet found its first strike. Mitchell tried to claw at the creature, but his attacks had no effect. Each following strike was like nails into a cross. Blood flowed out of the wound as he collapsed back onto the floor, waiting to turn to ash as he was bested by the unknown intruder. Everything turned dark and silent first, and then bright as the sun.

He felt the stake withdrawn and opened his eyes in confusion. He should have turned to ash, and been destroyed. He was still unliving.

“Rise, servant.”

“My lord and master,” he husked weakly from newly acquired instinct.

“It worked,” Blasius muttered. They grinned at the vampire and instructed him, “Tell me of the other vampires here.”

“I do not know what you mean,” he finally spoke, starting to regain his bearings as he tried to stand to fight again.

“There is a commune of vampires, is there not? There was, from what I know, centuries ago.”

“There is no such commune. No coven. There are no other vampires, master.” The seal’s punishment for lying was swift and painful, as it glowed slightly and Mitchell fell back to the floor. Blasius smirked slightly.

“I’ll ask again. Are there other vampires?”

“There are other vampires,” he struggled, trying to get up. The wound where his unlife heart was still bled and was healing, although slowly. The seal’s glow faded.

“Do you know of the late vampire William Baker?”

The vampire seemed to tense at the mention of the late Possenti’s original name. “Gabriel…” he husked.

“He was my last servant,” Blasius provided, “My father, Gabriel, sealed him, in the same manner, I have sealed you.”

“He… was destroyed by Dracula,” Mitchell said, trying to get up again, to escape, but the barrier stopped him.

“False,” Blasius smiled, “My father had him buried in Britain, and Miss Hellsing destroyed him.. I was unable to obtain the information I needed to seal vampires like Van Helsing did, but this seal is sufficient. I have you to dispose of an enemy.”

“Dracula,” Mitchell echoed, collapsing to the ground, “Hellsing… destroyed. How?”

“The seal will not protect you as Dracula’s did,” they said, running a hand through the vampire’s short, curly hair, “But you will protect me. Now, tell me where the other vampires are.”

Mitchell hissed, and found the seal upon his neck glow again, filling his body with pain for going against Blasius’s wishes, when he attempted to move away again.

“Let me go,” he begged, the sacred word passing his lips, “Master.”

“Tell me where the other vampires are, and I’ll end this.”

"Will you?"

"Yes."

“I only know of one in London,” he betrayed her, in a plea for escape, “Helena. Her address is in my address book.”

Blasius retrieved Integra’s other pistol, still loaded and their singular remaining prize, and aimed it at the vampire’s heart. “I am an honest creature,” they pulled the trigger.


	12. Die By The Sword

_Live by the sword and you die by the sword_

_'Cause I'll get what's mine baby you'll get what's yours_

_Live By The Sword - Dorian Electra_

## 28 October 2000 4:51 pm - Hellsing Mansion

Seras woke minutes after the sun fell beyond the horizon with an immediate need to see Helena again for answers. She did not want to see her master, and even if she was summoned, Integra could wait. She was too afraid of asking. Of whatever was happening to her.

She pulled the journal from under the coffin, and she ran from the mansion, not bothering to notice the guard following her. Or how her clothes were disheveled. Or anything else. Just the speed of her legs beneath her feet in the welcome darkness and the faintest brushing of red left in the sky.

## 28 October 2000 4:51 pm - Helena’s House

The sun outside was finally setting, and the candles were nearly burned out, her throne was knocked to the ground, and books were thrown across the floor as if a battle had taken place, and in the wreckage stood a brunette in white robes speaking above what appeared to be a girl in the center of white chalk outline, with two puddles of blood. The girl had a wooden stake through her heart, blood staining her cream dress.

The girl was not a girl though, but an elder vampiress. The vampire’s coffin was disposed of and burned, leaving the vampire vulnerable to be preyed upon in her dormant state. And the brunette was not any brunette, but Blasius.

“It is truly right and just, our duty and salvation, always and everywhere to give thanks. Father most holy, through your Son, Jesus, your words through whom you made all holy things, may our creator and redeemer,” they read, “Make this creature holy. And in your words, ‘I say to thee, arise,’ servant.’”

They did not allow themselves to be interrupted when Seras burst through the door to see Helena. Seras was quickly overwhelmed. The smell of the vampire’s blood and the shapeshifter’s blood filled her nose. She could see the chalk circle decorated with familiar and unfamiliar designs of both religion and occult.

“Miss Helena!” Seras pulled her pistol from the holster, her arm dissolving back into shadows.

They smiled at her, “You are too late.” Seras watched them pull the stake out of Helena. A red seal glowed on her neck brightly, and Seras backstepped as Helena sat up. She fired nearly the whole clip of silver bullets at Blasius, to no effect.

Helena looked at Seras, and then back at them. Her hand reached up to touch the glowing red seal that felt like a painful burn compared to the slowly healing wound in her chest, “What have you done?”

“I am near success and perfection. Address me correctly, servant,” Blasius boasted, looking at Seras again.

Helena turned on Blasius, unspeaking as she reached forward in an attempt to harm Blasius. The seal began to glow brightly again as she extended her arm, sending a warning of pain that was visible on her face.

“What have you done?” she asked again. Seras only watched as Helena tried to reach for Blasius again, arm visibly trembling as she fought the seal.

“As I said, it is done,” he held the stake in his hand, looking at Seras, “You will be sealed as well. You will be compelled to help me to rule the rest of your kind.”

Seras fired the last silver round at Blasius, “You harmed Sir Integra, and now you have harmed my friend. You could not compel me to do anything.”

“Your lovely human?” Blasius grinned, “I can compel Helena. Observe, Seras. Protect me, servant.”

“You… enslaved Helena?” she charged at the shapeshifter, only to be inadvertently blocked by Helena. Her strength as an older, more experienced vampire and now under Blasius’s orders, she stood her ground. The seal glowed brighter as she pushed back against Seras, following Blasius’s orders to protect them.

“Helena,” she said, gripping the stained dress, trying to move her out of the way. The smaller vampire’s physical strength was a mirror of her own, Helena simply stood each time Seras would unleash her shadows, and block her from reaching Blasius, who just chuckled at their fighting.

“Once you are sealed, there will be no petty fighting among vampires. Possenti was a failed experiment because of Dracula, and it was not placed on his heart. I learned of this through his failure. I do not know how such a seal was placed on Dracula, but it does not matter. I can enslave more with this seal. It is sufficient for my purposes now.”

Seras hissed, “How did you?” shadows forming around the hand that was pushing Helena out of the way. Seras finally pushed the vampire out of the way long enough to try to reach for them, missing slightly.

Blasius grinned, “I can take the form of anyone, vampire.” They grinned, taking Integra’s form after a flicker of white light.

“You’ve taken my form before, you should do it again,” she hissed when Helena grabbed her, pulling her away from Blasius. And then Helena let go, and the seal glowed brightly.

“You are-” Helena said, her facial expression contorting in pain as the seal delivered swift punishment again, “Trying to enslave vampires. You are just like the Hellsings.” Seras took the opportunity and ran at Blasius.

“I suppose a centuries-old vampire would still have some fight,” they faced Seras with glee and Seras finally tackled Blasius. Their skin was boiling against her cold, undead skin causing Seras to hiss again. She grabbed the hand with the stake, trying to pry it out of their hands. It was uncanny how similar they looked to Integra, and that she could not detect a difference, even when she focused. She tried to plunge her shadow hand into the creature’s chest and found nothing, her hand just absorbed into nothingness and burning.

“Your human learned nothing in their fight with me,” they grinned, “I am the opposite of your shadows. I am surrendering physical form for something far greater.”

Seras was practically roaring as she slammed her shadows into them, trying to pry the stake out of their hands. Blasius pushed back with all their strength, rolling her back. Seras was not paying attention when the shapeshifter bit her hand, squeezing blood out. Seras was distracted by seeing Helena crawling across the floor. Something was destroying her body, likely the seal’s punishment. Blasius’s flesh, or lack thereof, burned more and more as her other arm, consumed with shadows, tried to drive into their chest.

She felt something in her chest followed by pain. A pain greater than that of a blessed blade, or ammunition. The same as when Integra had ordered her. Followed by another pain, just as sharp. When she looked back, Blasius was forcing the wooden stake into her. _When had they gotten the upper hand?_ She wondered. As Blasius staked her, something bright red in her chest became exposed, and it wasn’t just her blood, and they roared.

“What? You-you’ve been sealed! How?” They were still trying to drive the stake into her. She could not protest but could tell it had somehow not reached her unlife heart. She could feel the call of Integra’s voice to fight. But she was too weak.

She opened her eyes to a partially-formed Pip emerging from her chest, “Long time no see, young lady,” he said, his disembodied hand in her shadows ensnaring the snake.

“What is this?” It was now Blasius who was confused but not drawing back. “Helena. Kill them.”

Helena was across the room, seal slowly strangling her, as she knocked over the candles.

“That is a command,” Blasius enforced.

“You have ruined my library, and both are already dead. She is Dracula’s fledgling… I will burn before being enslaved,” she said. Her legs were already mangled, slowly turning to ash, she collapsed to the floor as the flames of the seal and the books that were now on fire burned, “Seras…” she said weakly, “The golden blade… that’s how they cut their hand. Kill them.”

“How dare you disobey!” Blasius roared.

Seras tried to push against the shapeshifter who was desperately trying to push the stake back into her. Pip took the opportunity to extend from her shadow arm, trying to rip apart Blasius. But Blasius’s form did not waiver. She could see Helena slowly turning to ash out of the corner of her eye, and she felt incited again to fight.

“How dare you!” Seras echoed their words. She glanced around, trying to see whatever gold knife Helena spoke of. There was nothing in sight. Seras plunged her hand into his face, with minimal effect. 

“As I said. I’m losing physical form.”

Pip’s voice filled her head again, “Gold, eh?”

Seras cursed internally. “Try it.” Shadows extended beyond her body, the greatest extent she had tried before. Sure, having previously filled the manor with Pip was easy; he simply passed through things and watched. But spreading across a floor, allowing him to permeate the building and search for gold was completely different.

“What are you doing?” Blasius demanded, pulling the stake partially out. Skin torn, not healing as vampire blood slowly oozed out, exposing the draculina’s unlife heart, and the Hellsing seal placed upon it, “How could this happen?” Seras, upon seeing it, was only slightly less shocked than the shapeshifter. Blasius reached to grab her unbeating heart with their hands to destroy it, only to be stopped by a fully formed Pip, and a golden blade being pulled to his neck.

“Hello, asshole,” Pip greeted. Before Pip could finish him, a single shot rang out, passing through Blasius. The door was already open from earlier, and now a shadow cast across the floor.

“Try as you may, you’ll never be a Hellsing. Even if you look like me.”

The shapeshifter froze, even more, trying to shapeshift back to their initial form at the sound of that voice. They hissed angrily in pain and their strain against Pip significantly weakened as they looked away from Integra again, unable to escape the form. A shapeshifter's weakness: to look in the mirror, or see themselves. Pip took the opportunity to slice into Blasius, the golden blade affecting them for the first time, blood pouring out of the side of their neck, and Blasius hissed again, plunging their light-encased hand into Pip. Pip’s partially corporeal form briefly wavered as he weakly stabbed the golden blade into Blasius again, this time in the chest.

Seras remained on the floor when Integra called out her name, and Pip pulled Blasius away from her. Blasius was still fighting against Pip, but for Integra, time froze. She could see the full view of her body. The stake sitting in Seras’s bleeding chest. Her unmoving body. And there was so much red. She couldn’t hear Blasius’s laughter. Or Pip yelling something. She could only see and hear Seras. At some point, her legs had started moving. And she was reaching for Seras. She was within reach. She could still save her.

Integra pulled Seras into her arms, the vampire’s body shockingly limp, spent from manifesting Pip and the now free-flowing wound that was not healing as she pulled the stake the rest of the way out. “Don’t give up,” Integra said, “Drink. You need to kill Blasius.” She pulled the vampire’s face to her neck, fumbling with her tie and blouse to expose her neck, tossing the silver pin far away. _That’s right. She wasn’t afraid anymore._

“You’re here… You found me?”

“That’s an order,” she repeated, “Drink.”

“You… ghoul,” she murmured, she wondered if Integra would familiarize, “I can’t…You’ll die. Or familiar-ize yourself.” _She would lose another person she was so close to_.

“I’m not afraid. Drink,” she repeated the command, “You’re _my_ vampire. Bite. Drink.”

 _Again_. Seras shook her head and felt Integra pushing her face into her neck, “I- Integra,” the words were a broken cry.

“Drink, Seras.”

Seras cried out again but dug her teeth into the soft flesh of Integra’s neck, and the warm fluid filled her mouth. She could feel Integra tighten her grip, and she made another muffled, concerned sound. She could see behind Integra. She dug her teeth in deeper, the Hellsing’s blood continuing to flow freely to her. Her memories, her feelings, all of it.

“I win,” Blasius said, even as Pip dug the golden knife deeper into their now-bleeding chest, and it became more difficult for Pip’s half-form to restrain, “You still can’t kill me.”

“Seras,” Integra said, and Seras could feel her neck moving as she spoke. Her voice was hardly a murmur, “I love you.” Her hand went to weakly touch Seras’s face where it was on her neck, and she could feel the vampire’s tears on her glove, but the world was quickly fading and going dark, and she couldn’t even find the energy to speak.

Seras felt as the familiar rhythm of Integra’s heart stopped, and cried out as she pulled away from Integra’s body when it limply fell to the ground. She staggered up, facing the barely restrained Blasius as their light lashed out in a final attack to Pip, and he disintegrated into Seras’s shadows.

“You tried to kill my master twice, and now she is dead,” her shadows coming more easily now from feeding, and surrounded her and Blasius.

“You killed her,” Blasius smiled.

Seras growled, lunging at them, tearing the golden blade from their chest and jamming it into Blasius’s chest again. “You don’t know if this won’t kill you. You can only die once.”

Blasius laughed again, their blood acidic and hot on the vampire’s skin, but Seras did not stop. She pulled the golden blade out and stabbed it on the opposite side of the shapeshifter’s neck. Their form briefly shuddered and seemed to be losing stability, attempting to shift between Integra's and the priest-like form. Seras’s next stab was at their eye, more blood pouring out and eliciting a scream from Blasius.

“Die,” Seras repeated, “You destroyed Helena. You hurt Pip. You hurt Integra. You hurt me.” The words were filled with hatred, and she stabbed again, consumed by bloodlust. She stabbed again. And again. And again. And again. Even when the golden blade quickly dulled, she continued stabbing it into them with brute force.

She could not see her surroundings, as part of the library continued to slowly burn around Helena, or anything else. She was only stopped when she felt a gloved hand grab hers long after the creature finally stopped moving or protesting. She glanced back to see a pair of red eyes staring directly into hers.

“Seras, You can stop.”

## 1999 - Hellsing Mansion

She was lost in bloodlust, tearing through the ghouls. Engrossed in tearing limb from limb, crushing, razing their corpses. And then she heard her name, and the embrace of strong arms.

"Stop."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to post the true "good ending" soon, but the neutral and bad ending are now available as a "second part." (I do intend to write a sequel potentially as well, so keep your eyes out for that!)  
> 


	13. Even On Your Darkest Night (I Will Be Your Sword and Shield)

_Meet me on the battlefield_

_Even on the darkest night_

_I will be your sword and shield,_

_Your camouflage_

_And you will be mine_

_Meet Me On The Battlefield - SVRCINA_

## 28 October 2000 - Helena's House 

Seras looked into the red eyes that stared fiercely into hers with intensity Seras could only begin to comprehend. Integra was not alive. Well, not quite. That did not explain why her hand gripped Seras’s; she should be dead. But she was undead, neither ghoul or familiar, but a vampire. Her eyepatch was gone, as were her glasses. Her spectacles likely broken somewhere on the floor.

Integra had surrendered everything in a moment. She had surrendered the sun, for her sun, Seras. The brightness of the daytime for the brightness of Seras's smile. And Seras could see that in the blood that flowed through her undead veins. All of Integra’s fears, her memories, her feelings. She had always been able to obtain slivers of memory from the small drinks, small tastes of freedom from the bonds of her servitude that had freed her from Alucard, but not from Hellsing.

“Integra, how?”

“I don’t know,” she said, pulling Seras up, Integra’s voice was steady and calm in the chaos of the situation. “Sir Jackson will be here soon. Lawson saw you on the return to the Hellsing Mansion, and was following her.”

“You’re…” Seras pulled Integra close, “I was sealed, Integra. I-”

“I didn’t know, Seras,” she said, “I... “ It all made sense now: the terror in her eyes in the jail cell. The fear, and reverence to which she had called her master. The way she pleaded for Integra to validate her as ‘a good servant’ for doing her duty. The reaction to the pledge to Hellsing. But she was not Seras’s servant as a vampire now, or her master as a Hellsing. _Companions,_ her mind supplied, _equals_.

Integra’s arms wrapped around Seras, pulling her close. The closeness was no longer frightening; she wanted nothing more than to protect Seras from the world at that moment, even the things that she could not protect Seras from. Before she could speak or apologize, the familiar clicks of firearms filled the air, and she looked around to see several of Sir Jackson’s guards around them. Seras did not have to look up, she knew the smell of fear and cowardice.

“No," Integra's grip tightened around her, baring her teeth. She felt incited, stronger as a vampire.

“If you would stop fraternizing with your pet vampire, this would have never happened.”

“You followed us,” Integra said, “I was merely retrieving my other subordinate.”

“She’s not outside. As far as the law is concerned, Hellsing is over now that you are dead.”

The couple of men around them kept their rifles drawn, but not yet shooting, “Blasius has been dealt with. Do you really want to threaten a freshly fed vampire of Alucard’s blood, and a newly turned one?” the words part-bluff, part-truth.

“Shoot,” the moment the word was spoken, Integra found herself being slammed back against the ground, and Seras lashing out at the guards. A fist collided first with the nearest guard, knocking him to the ground, and a foot with another. Not deadly hits, but enough to disable them from shooting. A single shot rang out and missed, and Seras’s hand gripped the barrel, bending it. A final kick aimed at the fourth landed, and red eyes met fearful green. The barrel of Sir Jackson’s pistol was aimed at her. Again.

Seras hissed, “I can see Integra’s memories from drinking her blood, Samuel.”

He shot, and Seras felt the sting of silver in her lower side, burning from within. But it did not have the impact he expected, and she cocked her head at Sir Jackson.

“You have to shoot a vampire in the heart to kill them. Or the head,” the voice came from behind her.

“Sir Integra, protector of this great country, becoming that which she pledged to protect,” he said, shooting again until the clip of six was empty. The majority missed or hit Seras’s shadows, but one managed to graze Integra’s side. “I’ll replace your organization.”

“It’s over,” she said, staggering briefly before walking towards Sir Jackson. “You know a freshly turned vampire has to drink to gain strength, right? Your blood is disgusting as you are, and I can’t say I’m surprised.” She bared her fangs, and Sir Jackson began to quickly retreat, turning to run out the still partially burned library. Integra tackled him. "Mine. My vampire. My soldiers. My organization," she said and embedded her small fangs deep into the flesh of his neck to drank.

Seras watched, shaking slightly, the bullet slowly rejecting from her body when her shadows retreated and her hunger satiated by consuming Integra’s incredibly rich blood. Integra was turned. By her no less, and was now drinking Jackson’s blood. It was all too fast. How? She looked at the healed wound on her chest, where the Hellsing seal had been (dare she say proudly) exposed. Was it Dracula’s blood? Was it her?

“Sir Hellsing.”

She heard the soft voice, and Integra pulled immediately away from the neck of Sir Jackson, pulling out a chunk of flesh from his neck which was promptly spat out. She rose from the corpse. The nearby body of a girl, half-burned, speaking to her drawing her attention.

“A girl…” the words were soft, distracted.

She turned her head ever so slightly, repeating the words. “Sir Hellsing…”

Seras broke from her own trance, ran over, hearing the faint words from Helena’s mouth. She had survived. She ran towards her. “Helena!” she came to the ancient girl’s side, picking up the burned and lacerated arm, punishments from the seal that were slowly covering her.

“Do not touch me. I’m… being destroyed. My body will be gone soon,” her smile was soft, and her voice faint, “My soul will live on. That… thing is destroyed. Good, Seras. Let me burn with this house.”

Seras withdrew her hand and looked up at Integra, who was crouched down beside her as well. Her expression was unreadable as she looked at Helena.

“You’ve been turned,” Helena looked at Integra, briefly choking on her own blood, “How interesting. I have not seen such a death in centuries, binding in death. And a Hellsing.”

Integra’s expression remained unreadable, gazing at Helena. “Vampires can only turn virgins of the opposite sex.”

“And yet you are. You live by the sword and you die by the sword,” Helena made a sound similar to laughter, choking again on ash this time. She looked back at Seras. “Good-bye, Seras Victoria,” the words were choked out, and her eyes fell shut. Seras broke into soft sobs looking at Helena as she turned to ash. There were still so many unanswered questions.

Integra’s hands formed fists where they rested by her sides. “Is this what my family has done?” she looked up at Seras, “Is this my legacy? You’ve been bound to me, too, haven’t you?” She was crying, too, now. The world seemed so drastically different now. Fighting against everything she had once stood for. And now she was that thing.

Seras looked up at Integra, bringing her hand to rest where the wound had been, “Yes.”

“That is why you follow me.”

“The seal protected me. You gave me your blood. I chose…”

“You didn’t choose anything, Seras.”

Seras bit her lip, fang digging into it.

“Does your leaving me this morning have to do with the seal, Seras?”

“Yes.” Seras looked down at the floor beside the ashes of Helena’s body. “Alucard’s blood was in yours.”

“Alucard’s,” the words were a murmur, and she looked at her hands, “How did you know?”

“Helena… warned me. And when… you ordered me in the jail cell, I heard… Abraham’s voice, and when I read... Dracula I saw his words...” it was strange to speak his name out loud, and Seras reached for Integra’s hand, her hand still faintly warm in hers. Seras squeezed it, “Blasius is defeated. What has happened can’t be changed, Integra. You weren’t afraid.”

“I’m… a vampire now, Lawson and Penwood are outside…"

Seras nodded, pulling away from her to look around at the partially burned room again, “The book! I dropped it when I came in,” Seras looked around, looking for the leather-bound book with the golden marking.

“The book?”

“The Passionist.”

Integra gave a questioning look.

“I’ll… show you later. It’s a book with a golden marking, by Possenti...” she ran towards the door, where she had dropped it. It remained somehow undamaged by the flames, and she picked it up, clutching it to her chest. “Gold…”

The name caused Integra to jerk her head back to look at Seras, “Possenti was the name of… Blasius’s servant.”

Seras’s eyes widened, “He… They… Integra, that’s…” she was completely lost for words. What was there to tell Integra when both were already destroyed, but also the legend so similar to human’s Dracula that vampire society maintained?

Integra looked at Sir Jackson’s corpse one last time before walking towards Seras where she stood by the door, “Perhaps it would be best to let the place burn fully. To honor Helena's wishes."

“Perhaps," she said, looking back at the book again.

Integra nodded, picking up one of the half-melted candles from its holder, and a book from the shelf, and lit a page, before placing it on the floor. “Help me grab the guards. They don’t deserve to die.”

Seras nodded, and grabbed one of them, carrying them out of the building, still clutching the book. Integra picked up two, seeming surprised by her strength as she pulled them from the building as it slowly became engulfed in flames, and grabbed the fourth, pulling them away from the wreckage as a bookcase fell, onto the concrete.

“I’m sorry, Helena…” she said, looking into the library as she clutched the book, looking into the flames. She glanced back behind her to see Integra walking away from the burning building. She was fixing her blouse and tie, tying the red ribbon back into place, sans silver pin and white gloves. Her suit jacket was tattered, not yet able to heal her clothes with the rest of her body. She could see Lawson and Sir Penwood waiting at the car across the street, and a second, egg-shaped black minivan parked behind it.

“Thank you for trusting me,” she said, speaking to both them and Seras who was only a step behind Integra as she caught up with quick steps.

“Sir Integra, you’re-”

“A vampire. Sir Jackson has been disposed of,” she said, “As far as anyone beside you two are concerned, he died in the fire. The crimes he has committed cannot be tried in the court of law. The guards… they’ll live... I'm sure they'll wake up later, and the fire department will be here eventually.”

Penwood was silent for a moment, and Lawson spoke first, “How will you break the news to the convention that you’ve been turned?"

“It is none of their business right now. None of this would have happened if they had trusted me. And the Hellsing Organization. Can I have the keys to the van?”

Sir Penwood held out the keys.

“Thank you, Sir Penwood.”

He nodded, “Just as long as you don’t decide to start drinking my blood because your claim for a helicopter gets denied again.”

Seras did her best to stifle a laugh, hand flying to cover her face.

“I can be very persuasive, Sir Penwood,” she curled her lip back just enough to expose her fang in a way that would be threatening without the dry laugh that followed, “I believe your ability to deal with the media if this becomes public knowledge… will be sufficient for the time being.”

Integra took the keys from Penwood’s hands, “Thank you, Lawson. You’re welcome to withdrawal from Hellsing with full pay, and benefits.”

Lawson nodded, “Thank you. I do believe… I will require a break, but I would like to stay part of the organization.”

Integra nodded, “I will see you then after this is settled. I’m returning with S- Officer Seras Victoria to the mansion.” She turned away, walking towards the van, and once both Seras and Integra were in it, Penwood and Lawson stared at each other blankly for a moment.

“Do they know… we know?”

“Probably not.”

-

Integra relaxed back in the seat of the van once she was in the driver’s seat, “Seras…” Seras was ahead of her, though, already leaned over the console to wrap her arms Integra.

“Do you want to go home?”

Seras hummed softly in response, a tendril of shadow going to wipe away the blood on Integra’s forehead. “Why did you let me… bite you? You could have become a ghoul.”

“I don’t know…” she said, thinking, “I just… saw you bleeding. The stake. I knew I had to. You have saved me many times. Perhaps it was just my turn to do the same.” Integra ran her hand through Seras’s hair gently, the blonde strands already having cleaned themselves of blood, “I am not your master, Seras.”

“What am I?”

“A companion? A partner? A lover?” she offered, “equals."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the ‘official’ end of Live By The Sword. I really hope you enjoyed it, and the wait for the last chapter was worth it. Comments, kudos, and bookmarks have made this all worth it and I'm always so grateful for the feedback You can also talk to me on Tumblr @vampiresandvindiction  
> I am currently working on a sequel: Phoenix In The Fire.  
> A tad bit of explanation as to the basis which I decided to have Integra turned: Baobansith in Gonzoverse does comment that she could turn Integra into a vampire, so I don’t doubt Seras could as a true vampire. Obviously ignoring the bit where Seras did not mix her blood with Integra’s, but I also believe Alucard’s blood being in hers would be a pretty significant factor either way so live with it. It’s my fanfiction and I can break canon if I want to. Also, for clarity, Seras is freed from the bond by having drank ALL of Integra’s blood.


End file.
